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Halted Between Two Opinions? 

OK, 

A Madman’s- Confession. 





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» • I I. 







Halted Between 
Two Opinions; 


OR, 

A Madmans 
Confession. 


A NOVEL . 


/ni*x 


By JAMES CARY. 


BIRMINGHAM: 

PRESS OF DISPATCH PRINTING CO. 
1892. 



Entered according to act of Congress in the year eighteen hundred 
and ninety-two by Janies Cary in the office of the 
Librarian of Congress at Washington. 


TO MY MOTHER 
To whom I owe all that I am , 
dedicate this book. 


I affectionately 




V . ' * v ^ 4 

V > ■ 




i. ' 

. ■ 




















PREFACE. 


The author feels assured of the fact that no 
work has ever been accomplished in the field of 
fiction with more reverses and disadvantages 
attending it than has this little book. 

He was engaged as locomotive fireman upon a 
fast express train during the writing of it, only 
having a few hours at a time to devote to it, and 
then often tired and sometimes nearly exhausted. 

The hardships and the many little reverses 
incidental to “life upon the rail” affords little 
time and still less inclination to draw upon the 
imagination. 

The man employed in the train or locomotive 
service must keep his mind upon his business 
when on duty, or he is sure to commit some fatal 
error; and he who has not that peculiar power of 


2 


PREFACE. 


concentration of thought will sooner or later 
learn that he lacks that attribute which renders 
him fit for the business. 

Considering this a vital point or element in the 
man who has so much property and so many lives 
entrusted to his care, the author has never dared 
to think of his book while upon duty. Therefore 
the plotting and the writing were to a great extent 
done simultaneously. 

The author has sought to avoid the vitiating 
influence so often exerted in the current fiction of 
the day, which makes heroes of demons and the 
youth a slave to love. 

Believing that the influence of true affection is 
to ennoble and purify, he has sought to make no 
one a hero who is undeserving. 

The author has tried to depict the true woman 
as God’s noblest work and to whose influence man 
should ascribe all the distinction and greatness to 
which he has ever attained. 

To those who may feel disposed to criticise, he 
begs to invite attention to the disadvantage under 


PREFACE. 


13 


which the book has been written, and asks them 
to remember that it is easier to criticise than to 
write what cannot be criticised. If there be any 
whose resolutions to a nobler and higher life be 
inspired by the perusal of this book the author 
shall feel his labor has not been in vain. 

Most respectfully, 

James Cary. 



CHAPTER I. 


Clifton Steadman was reared partly in the 
city and partly in rural districts. He was eccen- 
tric in his disposition. He had few companions 
that he loved, and during his early life had but 
few friends. This was attributable to his peculiar- 
ity, and there were very few who understood him. 
His eccentricity was often an approximation to 
rudeness, when judged by the stranger or by 
those* who took no pains to study the intent or 
real purpose of his life. He preferred the com- 
panionship of his mother to that of all others, and 
experienced little pleasure in childish sports. 

The earliest years of Clifton’s life were passed 
in a lovely country village. The house in which 
he was born was ancient in appearance but costly, 
and was a palace in the days of its construction. 
It was the home where his father was born and 
reared, and had been the inheritance of William 


1 6 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

G. Steadman, Clifton's father, from Dorian Stead- 
man, grandfather of Clifton. There was some- 
thing about this old place that made it very dear 
to all who ever claimed it as home. 

The large and beautiful lawn that surrounded 
it was thickly covered with Bermuda grass, and 
two large and beautiful fountains were situated, 
one to the right and the other to the left of the 
walk which led from the house to the lawn gate. 

In the spring and summer time, when the 
honeysuckle and ivy made a thick foliage about 
the spacious arbors which stood around, these 
fountains were a most delightful retreat for one 
wearied with the summer heat. The spray of 
these fountains was thrown from rotary jets and 
fell back into a large reservoir, which was filled 
with various species of the finny tribe, and always 
fed by the hand of Clifton. 

This old home of William G. Steadman, though 
ancient and somewhat dilapidated in external 
appearance, was furnished in an ostentatious man- 
ner. There were life-sized portraits of many 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. IJ 

members of the Steadman family hanging about 
its walls. The furniture was large and costly, 
being made of rosewood and mahogany. The 
center table in the reception room was more costly 
than a full set of furniture in most of the homes of 
the rich in our present time. It was circular in 
shape and supported by richly carved figures of 
dragons, and this support rested upon the head of 
the Gorgon Medusa. But this old home with all 
its costly heirlooms, and all of its various attrac- 
tions was soon to be visited with disaster and 
shrouded in the greatest gloom. 

William Steadman possessed a large estate, 

most of which had been inherited from his father. 

He succeeded not only in maintaining these great 

possessions, but by his successful financiering he 

had added to his fortune till he had become one of 

the wealthiest men in the district in which he 

lived He never made an investment but what 
* 

was attended with the greatest success. In fact 
in matters of financiering and speculation he was 
sought by all for advice, and his counsel and 


1 8 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

advice were always attended with success by its 
recipients. 

Mr. Steadman, unlike most men of such vast 
fortune, was very charitable to the poor. When 
he heard of the sickness of any of his employes he 
visited them and always took them some delicacy 
from his own table, and always left them lighter 
hearted and more cheerful. He was a genuine 
type of an affable, Christian gentleman. No one 
ever went to him in distress and was sent away 
empty. He had but one fault, if such it might be 
termed, and that was an unbounded confidence in 
the integrity of men. He considered all men honest 
until they proved themselves to the contrary, 
and it was this confidence and his kind and gen- 
erous disposition -that brought serious disaster and 
misfortunes to him. 

He had been persuaded to give his endorse- 
ment to a note for a large sum of money, and 
upon the maturity of this note, by the insolvency 
of those whom he had endorsed, the payment was 
demanded from him. This ruined him financially. 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 1 9 

Mr. Steadman felt that his misfortune was 
more than he could bear, and he felt that it would 
be impossible for him to tell his wife about it ; 
yet he knew that sooner or later she must know 
it. Having returned from the city of Gunville, 
where he had received the sad information of his 
great loss, he entered his home and found Mrs. 
Steadman in her usual happy frame of mind. But 
as she met him at the door she observed a great 
change in his expression which had always been 
bright and joyous, but was now downcast and dis- 
consolate. Before he had taken his seat she 
asked the cause of his apparent reticence and why 
he seemed so gloomy. Mr. Steadman buried his 
face in his hands and wept for a moment which 
only served to increase Mrs. Steadman’s anxiety. 
She went to him, placed her arms around his neck 
and exclaimed, “Mr. Steadman, do tell me what 
is the matter! you alarm me! you shock me! ” 

He raised his head and sobbingly replied, 
“ My wife, I am ruined ! ruined ! ” 

“Ruined,” replied she, “How are you 


20 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


ruined? Do tell me what is the cause of your 
disturbance ? ” 

He gazed earnestly into her face for a moment, 
and taking her by the hand said: “Helen I am 
ruined financially ; I am bankrupt, and all our 
money, all our property, even this dear old home 
of ours, which has sheltered me in the days of my 
infancy will have to be sold to meet the payment 
of that note which I endorsed last October for my 
friend Mr. Lapell. You remember me telling you 
of my endorsing the note to save him from having 
his home mortgaged.” 

Mrs. Steadman was now very much overcome 
with grief. She had a brave and strong-minded 
woman, but her demonstrations of grief were not 
as forcible as Mr. Steadman thought they would 
be upon such sad intelligence. She wiped the 
tears from her eyes, and with a spirit of resigna- 
tion only possible to those whose lives have been 
consecrated to the Father who “ doeth all things 
well,” replied, “This is indeed a calamity. It 
will be hard to become reconciled to such a dis- 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


21 


astrous fate after having enjoyed such a long 
period of uninterrupted felicity. During your 
absence to-day I was retrospecting and could not 
call to mind a single moment of unpleasantness 
since our marriage. We have certainly been 
blessed with all that makes life truly happy, and 
I was thinking how thankful we should be to God 
for so many of his blessings. I also wondered if 
it would be possible for our lives to be always thus 
blessed, always be as prosperous as we had been, 
I was so forcibly impressed with the abundance of 
God’s grace and his blessings that I repaired to my 
closet and offered him sincere thanks for his kind- 
ness and his blessings, and I remember that I 
promised Him that I would ever be resigned to 
His will. ‘The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh 
away, blessed be the name of the Lord.’ I know 
that if the Lord has blessed us so bountifully He 
will not forsake us when we most need assistance.” 

“Helen, your equanimity is truly commendable, 
and is all that renders it possible for me to bear 
this heavy stroke. Had you been so heavily 


22 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS J 


pressed with this great disaster of ours as to have 
been insensible to consolation, or had you railed 
at me or in the least seemed to censure me I 
should have been totally desperate. I am miser- 
able as it is; miserable because we will have to 
sell this happy dear old home of ours ; the home 
that my father gave me, the home of my dear 
mother, the home that is endeared to me by a 
thousand tender ties. It is a patrimony, a rich 
and valued legacy from my old father who now 
rests in the bosom of God; but Helen, with all 
this I shall strive to be happy for your sake.” 

Ah ! it is hard indeed for those who have been 
reared in affluence to become reconciled to the 
reverses and hardships of a life of privations, and 
so it proved with Mr. Steadman’s family. The 
loss of his fortune had become known to all his 
friends and acquaintances. He had some very 
warm sympathizers, but he found they were far 
less in number than he had expected. He was 
much grieved to discover that some of his most 
intimate friends were becoming less demonstrative 


OR, a madman’s confession. 23 

than formerly, and they were those who had 
enjoyed his hospitality for a number of years, 
and who had considered it an honor to claim 
friendship with such a true and noble gentleman. 
Their evening calls were less frequent and of 
shorter duration, which evinced the fallacy and 
deceit of the human heart. 

Mr. Steadman had heard and read of many 
incidents of deceitfulness in matters of friendship, 
but unfortunately for him he never believed the 
human heart capable of becoming so vile as to lose 
its sense of appreciation for the true and noble 
friend. He had never been so circumstanced as 
to need the financial assistance of another, and 
accepted those as friends who sought his favor 
from purely mercenary motives. Had he not 
been so credulous he would have been better able 
to endure the scoffs of his former friends, but his 
pure and unsuspecting heart never suffered him to 
believe that friendship was a cheat. He had made 
so many sad hearts happy by his kindness and 
charity, and had planted upon the careworn cheek 


24 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


of the poor and needy so many smiles of gratitude 
that he was constrained to believe that friendship 
was something else besides a name. It was not 
until experience had taught him different that he 
could say that ‘‘one may smile and smile and be 
a villain still.” The man who possesses the capa- 
bility of discerning integrity is the only one who 
may escape the misfortune of betrayal. A man 
credulous and tender-hearted yields to the slightest 
testimonial of regard and will hug to his bosom the 
demon that seeks his destruction. Had the noble 
and generous heart of Mr. Steadman been more 
questioning in the character of the objects of its 
love he would have been spared the pain of 
betrayal, but unfortunately for him he measured 
the standard of the human heart by that of his 
own, which was too pure and unsuspecting to 
question the sincerity of the demonstrations prof- 
fered him. 

The loss of his friends seemed to distress him 
as much as the loss of his fortune. He knew that 
the loss of his fortune had been occasioned by his 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 2$ 

efforts to assist one in distress, and yet his friends 
showed no more appreciation of him and no more 
sympathy than had he lost it by gambling. 

He sought to conceal the real extent of his dis- 
tress from his loving and affectionate wife, but this 
was fruitless. He sought to console her by telling 
her that his friends would give him all the assist- 
ance he might need to recover his great loss, but 
she was not one to rely so implicitly in friendship 
as he had done. She saw at once that there was 
no possibility of regaining their loss and resolved 
if need be to sew or teach for the support of their 
family. She saw nothing but want and privation 
before them and she had become reconciled to her 
lot and she determined to make the best of it. 
She was philosophic in mind and had the power of 
making the best of everything. She possessed an 
unfaltering faith in the amplitude of God’s mercy 
and at the gain or loss of a blessing she would 
always exclaim : “The Lord giveth and the Lord 
taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord.” 
Her only endeavor at present seemed to be to for- 


26 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS ; 


get their misfortune and adapt their manner of 
living to their means and to console the heart of 
her husband. She never expressed a regret at the 
loss of those false friends who in the hour of pros- 
perity were lavish in their demonstrations of affec- 
tion. She knew there was no change in her 
worthiness to command or maintain their esteem. 
Ah ! experience will teach us that the loss of 
fortune is the loss of friends and social standing. 
Intrinsic worth or moral rectitude does not main- 
tain that friendship which the wealthy bestow on 
the wealthy. Dire necessity constrained Mr. 
Steadman’s family to retire from that degree of 
social life which they formerly occupied and to live 
in seclusion and privacy. There were a few fam- 
ilies who had been enamored by the kindness of 
Mr. and Mrs. Steadman who were their real sym- 
pathizers and friends, and their counsel and assist- 
ance proved ot great value. These friends had 
sounded all the depths and shores along the 
stream of a rugged life, and were able to instruct 
Mr. and Mrs. Steadman as to where they would 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 2J 

encounter the bitterest reverses and how to avoid 
them. 

How ignorant are those who live a life of lux- 
ury and ease of the hardships and privations of 
the poor. When they are brought down from the 
heights of high social life to want and privation, 
how unqualified are they to grapple with its 
stern realities. It is only such who can justly ap- 
preciate the cares and privations of the poor. 

Mrs. Steadman was a lady of high literary 
attainments, not as a writer, but she was thoroughly 
informed in science and art. She possessed an 
education of which very few ladies could boast. 
This being known to all her acquaintances in her 
immediate neighborhood as well as the adjacent 
ones, she was asked to accept a position as teacher 
of the village school. Mr. Steadman’s pride 
revolted at the idea of his wife having to undergo 
such labor. He felt that he could not subject him- 
self to the humiliation of his wife having to take 
any part in the support of the family. He sought 
earnestly to persuade her not to accept the posi- 


28 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


tion, as he could and would provide for the family 
without her assistance in that way. But after 
repeated entreaties she obtained his consent to 
accept the position. It was not with any pleas- 
ure she took this position except that of being a 
material assistance to her husband. So it was 
with her as with the apothecary from whom 
Romeo purchased the mortal drug to effect his 
own extermination. “ It was her poverty and not 
her will that consented.” 

The salary she was to receive was a very inade- 
quate remuneration for the services she was to 
render, yet she thought it would be a great assist- 
ance in the support of the family. She had always 
regarded the profession of “teaching the young 
idea how to shoot” as a sacred and noble one. 
She felt no lack of qualification as to the extent of 
her information, but she knew that the power of 
successfully imparting information had not been 
given to every one. 

The patrons of the school were to be com- 
posed chiefly of those poor people who in the days 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 29 

of Mr. Steadman’s prosperity found in him a 
warm and devoted friend. One of them was one 
of Mrs. Steadman’s relations whom she loved 
devotedly because she was an exemplary Christian 
and a member of the same church, and to whom 
Mr. and Mrs. Steadman had ever been kind and 
charitable. This was the family of Lester Glad- 
well. Mrs. Steadman and Mrs. Gladwell were 
sisters; there had always been a great difference 
in their worldly possessions, yet there had never 
been a manifest estrangement between them on 
account of this difference in fortunes. 

All the preliminaries had been made for the 
opening of the school, and on a lovely morning in 
September a large number of children gathered 
at the old village school-house. Among the num- 
ber was Clifton Steadman. There were boys and 
girls of various ages and various characters and 
capabilities. There were the mischief-maker and 
the drone, the gentle and obedient, and the 
vicious and subborn. Such were the variety of 
characters with whom she must deal. Her expe- 


30 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


rience in life had been such as to afford her but 
little opportunity of studying human nature, but 
she was in a position now that would give her a 
better opportunity than she would have obtained 
from a lifetime association with the outside world, 
for children always reveal their true natures while- 
men reveal only that which serves their purpose. 

The first three days of school Mrs. Steadman 

¥ 

occupied in organizing a system and classifying the 
pupils. Clifton was now a regular pupil in the 
village school. He had only attended school one 
term, but had advanced in all of his studies very 
rapidly. After three days of examination of 
pupils Mrs. Steadman opened school. These three 
days which she had occupied in organizing had 
given her pupils a slight introduction to her char- 
acter They had become forcibly impressed with 
her firm and unyielding disposition. She with 
only these three days experience had discovered 
that the great variety of characters with whom 
she must deal could not all be governed success- 
fully by the same mode of discipline. She had. 


OR, a madman’s confession. 3 1 

discovered that there were characters which could 
be brought and kept in strict obedience by the 
gentle look of kindness, while there were others 
whose passions and proclivities were wild, and over 
whom the reins of restriction could not be slack- 
ened, but at the very beginning she had been suc- 
cessful in teaching all her pupils to revere her, and 
there is no obedience so true, so constant and so 
subservient as that offered through a combined 
sense of love and fear. To know her was to love 
her, and the success of her experiment as instruct- 
ress was predicted by all her friends, and watched 
with sanguine expectations. She possessed every 
attribute of the true and noble. Her disposition 
made her a warm friend to all who met her. There 
was not a place of suffering but she had frequented 
as a ministering angel to soothe the cares of the 
distressed, the down-trodden, and to alleviate the 
pain of the sick and suffering. There was some- 
thing peculiar in the effect of her every movement 
and her voice was so sweet and gentle that it was 
truly magical in its influence. She was tall in 


32 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

stature, symmetrical and perfect in form, and pos- 
sessed a happy union of elements to form a char- 
acter that might be termed perfection. 

“To gild refined gold, to paint the lily, 

To throw a perfume on the violet, 

To smooth the ice, or add another hue 

Unto the rainbow, or with taper light 

To seek the beauteous eye of heaven to garnish, 

Is wasteful and ridiculous excess.” 

“Wasteful and ridiculous excess” indeed it 
would be to attempt an improvement of her char- 
acter. Who would have visited the poor as she 
did when she had never a wish that was not grati- 
fied. She never seemed to be the least aware of 
her superior qualifications. There was nothing 
affected about her. When she made a visit to the 
bedside of some poor man, woman or child, she 
did not seek to keep it concealed from her friends 
in high life, and when she gave it was not with the 
expectation of requital. In the giving of alms she 
did not let her left hand know what her right did. 
She was governed by the word of God in all her 
actions, and this manner of giving is the only one 


OR, a madman’s confession. 33 

that ever receives divine recognition, for we are 
instructed, “Do not thy alms before men to be 
seen and heard of, but do them in secret and thy 
Father who seeth in secret will reward thee 
openly.” 

Mr. Steadman had earnestly sought to recover 
his losses, but all efforts were as yet in vain. He 
had proposed a compromise to Mr. Lapell and 
offered to be satisfied with only half payment. 
Mr. Lapell had been a rich merchant in the little 
city of Gunville and Mr. Steadman had traded with 
him for a good many years ; but by large and wild 
speculations in stocks and cotton futures Mr. La- 
pell was rendered almost penniless. He sought 
to obtain the necessary funds from Mr. Steadman 
to conceal his loss. Mr. Lapell’s creditors hear- 
ing of his losses, and the reckless manner of his 
speculations, drew on him for a large sum of 
money which he found himself totally unable to 
pay. 

Mr. Steadman and Mr. Lapell had been very 
intimate friends for a number of years, and their 

3 


34 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

manner of doing business with each other was to 
accept a verbal promise only. They would not 
employ the very necessary and wise formality of 
demanding security, one from the other, for the 
loan of any amount of money. Mr. Steadman 
finally proposed to Mr. Lapell to compromise on 
the payment of only one-third of the sum which 
was due him, and even this he refused on the plea 
of insolvency. 

Mr. Steadman was now for the first time deter- 
mined to institute suit for the recovery of his loss. 
He had a warm friend, a Mr. Stanley, who was a 
talented and successful attorney living in Gunville 
whom he wished to consult in reference to the suit, 
and after conferring with his wife in reference to 
taking this step, he was fully determined in the 
premises. The following day he drove over to 
Gunville for this purpose. When Mr. Steadman 
tapped at the door of Mr. Stanley’s office Mr. 
Stanley himself responded, and greeted him in the 
usual friendly and affable manner that was charac- 
teristic of him. 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 35 

“Mr. Steadman/’ said Mr. Stanley, “lam 
very glad to see you ; I trust Mrs. f Steadman’s 
health remains good?” 

“No, Mr. Stanley,” he replied, “ Helen was 
quite indisposed this mornirig when I left. She 
seems to be declining rapidly, yet she is seldom 
confined to her bed. I think she is taxing herself 
too heavily. She has quite a large school and 
seems perfectly delighted with her teaching, though 
I am fearful that my dear Helen will not live long.” 

“I hope this is only an apprehension of yours,” 
replied Mr. Stanley, “and that your fears are 
more imaginary than real. My acquaintance with 
Mrs. Steadman constrains me to believe that her 
force of character and equanimity is sufficient to 
enable her to stand up bravely under any misfor- 
tune that might befall her, and I am under the 
impression that she will endure this misfortune of 
yours with Christian fortitude and Indian endur- 
ance. And now I would be pleased to know that 
you will prove as brave and courageous as I know 
she will be. Mr. Steadman, I know that it has 


3 6 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

been the exemplification of her character that has 
made you the man that you have been in a moral 
sense. You remember when you married Helen 
Molton you were disposed to be wild, and I could 
but observe what a material change came over you 
after your marriage. Now, my friend, as one who 
loves you and who really has your interest at 
heart, let me persuade you not to persist in de- 
spondency ; you will not only bring yourself to 
greater suffering, but you will add to the suffering 
of your wife. ” 

“Yes, Mr. Stanley, I appreciate all this; but 
how is it possible for a man who is at all suscep- 
tible to emotions of any kind to bear such a mis- 
fortune as ours without great mental disquietude?” 
Mr. Steadman was very much overcome, his eyes 
filled with tears as he said : “This is indeed hard 
to bear ! ” 

Mr. Stanley had by this time been deeply 
moved by the tears of his faithful friend, but he 
displayed no signs of emotion. After a moment’s 
hesitation Mr. Stanley called to Mr. Steadman and 


or, a madman’s confession. 37 

said: “William, have I not always been a friend 
faithful and true to you ?” To this he received an 
affirmative reply. “Then tell me if I offer you 
advice which your better judgment approves will 
you accept it kindly?” 

“Why, certainly I will,” replied Mr. Stead- 
man, with some degree of surprise. 

“ It is a painful duty that I feel encumbered 
upon me, but have resolved to endure the pain it 
gives me to speak to you about it.” 

Mr. Stanley then drew his chair quite close to 
that of his friend, and taking him by one hand 
while he placed the other on his shoulder, he con- 
tinued : “I observe that you have been drinking. 
Now, with a man of your experience and observa- 
tion it would be useless for me to picture the dan- 
gerous and contaminating effects of this awful 
habit. You have seen enough to warn you. 
There is but one way to avoid its destructive influ- 
ence or to conquer the craving for it, and that is 
to follow the teachings of the old adage, ‘ Taste 
not, touch not and handle not.’ Think of the 


38 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

wife who at the marriage altar you promised to 
love, and for whom you would forsake all others. 
The sorrow she has is all that she can bear ; then 
would you be unkind, so untrue as to crush her at 
one cruel stroke ? ” 

Mr. Steadman’s expression at once forcibly 
evinced a sense of guilt and shame, and he blush- 
ingly replied, “I do not intend to drink excess- 
ively. I have always heard that whiskey would 
destroy trouble, and I felt that mine must be 
abbreviated in some way.” 

“Well, will you tell me then that you will 
never under any circumstances touch whiskey 
again?” entreated Mr. Stanley. 

Mr. Steadman hesitated for a moment, then 
nodded his head, which he meant as an affirma- 
tive answer to Mr. Stanley’s interrogatory. 

“Mr. Steadman, I am gratified to obtain this 
promise, and for the good that you and your noble 
wife will both derive from a total abstinence I 
think you should make me an open and a more 
positive promise than simply a nod of the head.” 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 39 

“Well, then, if it will afford you any more 
satisfaction, I will say that I will never touch it 
again,” replied Mr. Steadman in a very accented 
tone that carried with it an indication that he 
wished to further avoid any reference to the 
subject. 

“Mr. Stanley, I came to you for legal advice 
and for which I expect to pay you, but as I prom- 
ised at the beginning I would take no exceptions 
to any advice you felt disposed to proffer, I there- 
fore pardon the liberty you have taken to advise 
me in my private affairs, since you profess to offer 
it in the name of friendship.” At these words Mr. 
Stanley felt a little hurt, as he had no intention of 
offering or giving the slightest offense to his old 
and esteemed friend, and he readily pardoned him 
as he felt that his misfortune had so much affected 
him that he was not altogether responsible for his 
seeming ingratitude. Mr. Stanley then said : 

“ What advice can I give you, Mr. Steadman? ” 

“I wish to know if I can obtain my money 
from Mr. Lapell?” 


40 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS ; 

“ Have you any idea of the real financial con- 
dition of Mr. Lapell ? You know he has recently 
made an assignment of his stock and some of his 
property to his wife, which of course was done to 
prevent you serving an attachment upon him.” 

“No, I cannot say that I know anything of his 
real condition, but I’m induced to believe that his 
failure in business was not so disastrous as he 
would have me believe.” 

“Well, do you hold a note against him with 
or without endorsements?” 

“No, sir; I have never asked Mr. Lapell for a 
note or security for anything, I have had busi- 
ness with him for a number of years and found 
him so honest that I just considered Lapell’s word 
as good as his bond, and I have obtained from him 
a number of times very large sums of money and 
whenever I offered him security he would laugh at 
me and tell me that my word was better than other 
men’s notes. So you see we dealt with each 
other in this way in all our business transactions.” 

“Well, Mr. Steadman, there is no way to 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


41 


recover your money unless you could establish the 
fact that he is really solvent, and that the making 
of his property over to his wife was for the pur- 
pose of defrauding his creditors.” 

“Then I suppose I am unable to recover any- 
thing from him? ” 

“No, you have no recourse at all unless he 
has failed to state that he owes his wife. If he 
can show that he ever obtained any money from 
his wife then he can make her his preferred cred- 
itor according to the laws of this State, and has 
not criminated himself ; but if he has only pre- 
tended to have obtained money front his wife, then 
he is liable to criminal prosecution.” 

Upon investigation it was discovered that Mr. 
Lapell had obtained a large sum of money from 
his wife, which she inherited, so Mr. Steadman 
had no means of obtaining his money and would 
have to bear the loss. He left Mr. Stanley’s 
office feeling very despondent, and after he re- 
turned home he informed his wife of the impossi- 
bility of ever recovering anything from Mr. LapelL 


42 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS ; 

Abject poverty seemed to be staring them 
boldly in the face, but Mrs. Steadman told him 
that it was nothing more than she had expected 
and seemed perfectly reconciled to her fate. This 
sadly ended the happiness and brilliant prospects 
of the Steadman family, and they were now to 
encounter all the hardships of a life of poverty and 
great suffering. 


CHAPTER II. 


Mrs. Steadman’s school was continued and 
was attended with the greatest success. The 
advancement of the pupils had demonstrated to 
her patrons that she was peculiarly adapted and 
qualified for the position. She had taken great 
interest in her school, not so much because she 
possessed any fondness for it, but because she was 
so conscientious that she could not feel satisfied 
with accepting her salary without feeling that she 
had in every way given value received, she also 
possessed too much pride to be willing to prove 
a failure in anything that she attempted. 

Clifton had rendered her every assistance in his 
power. He set a good example to his school- 
mates, he was regarded the best boy in school and 
by far the brightest. His influence upon those 
predisposed to disorderly conduct was very great. 
He had by mingling with so many light-hearted 


44 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


and joyous children lost some of his former reti- 
cence and apparent grumness, yet he plainly 
evinced a moroseness unusual for one of his age. 
He seemed to prefer the companionship of girls. 
During playtime he would gather wild flowers,, 
nuts and grapes, make their swings, and had 
mingled so much with them that he felt himself 
one of their number. By his manly conduct and 
kindness he had made many warm friends among 
them. They felt no more reserve in his presence 
than with those of their own sex. 

Laverne Gladwell, Clifton’s cousin, had shown 
him the greatest attention because she felt that 
the cause of his sadness was the loss of his father’s 
fortune, and she took the place of a sister as Clifton 
had no sisters, and the kindness of Laverne to him 
and to his dear mother had made him feel really 
that she was more pf a sister than a cousin* She 
had brought an influence to bear upon him that 
had effected more in changing his eccentricities 
than his mother had been able to do. Laverne 
was of a mild but happy disposition, she had the 


or, a madman’s confession. 45 

power of making others happy, and she never ap- 
peared to be the least sad or unhappy in all her 
life, nor could she admire those who are always 
sad. And thus it was she had determined to 
brighten the disposition of Clifton and manifested 
as much interest in him as though he had been her 
brother. One evening after the close of the school 
she asked Clifton to walk home with her, that she 
wished to tell him something, and as Clifton’s 
curiosity was somewhat aroused he gladly con- 
sented. They walked slowly in order that the 
other pupils might keep in advance of them. She 
had sought this opportunity to persuade him to 
abandon his peculiar ways and to try to be happy 
and not to give himself up to such despondency. 

“Clifton,” she said, “I am going to be a sister 
to you ; I know that you do not know anything of 
the love of a sweet and affectionate sister. So 
now, Clifton, let me be your sister; I feel sorry 
for you because you always seem so sad. You 
act as though you had not a friend in the world — 
now let me beg you to cheer up.” 


4 6 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

“Laverne, how can I be happy when my 
father has lost everything that he possessed ? Do 
you not think I would indeed be a strange creature 
to be happy with all this trouble ? As for myself 
I do not worry so much, but when I think of my 
dear mother having to labor as she does it produces 
a sorrow that cannot be imagined by you.” 

“Yes, Clifton, I can imagine, I can fully appre- 
ciate your feelings ; I know that this is a heavy 
stroke upon you and upon Aunt Helen and Uncle 
William, and I do feel so sorry for aunt Helen, 
she is laboring so hard for one who has always 
been blessed with abundance ; but, Clifton, be 
brave, be cheerful and try to make your mother 
cheerful. It is only adding to her sorrow to see 
you so despondent.” 

At the mention of his mother’s hardships Clif- 
ton gave vent to a flood of tears which made La- 
verne regret having alluded to his mother’s con- 
dition. 

“Clifton, do not weep so bitterly; it almost 
breaks my heart to see you weeping. These dark 


OR, a madman’s confession. 47 

clouds that gather around your young life will 
soon be lost in the brightness of a happier day, I 
hope. God has told us that he ‘loveth those 
whom he chasteneth.’ Then, Clifton, if God loves 
you He will take care of you ; He will not see you 
suffer. I think you do your friends an injustice to 
feel that you are so friendless. Those you may 
have lost by uncle’s misfortune would have been 
of no assistance to you. If they forsake you or 
cease to love you just at the time you need them 
most, it is all the evidence you need of their insin- 
cerity. Such a boy as you are cannot be without 
friends ; you will always find appreciative and 
worthy friends among the good people you meet, 
and you will find true and noble hearts wherever 
you go. There is always some heart to beat 
responsive to our own. If you wish to be happy 
in this life do not expect to make everyone your 
friend. If you have but one friend faithful and 
true you should be happy.” 

“Ah, Laverne, you know that without my 
mother and father there is not a single soul in this 


48 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

wide world whom I can call my friend,” replied 
Clifton with a solemn voice that seemed to indi- 
cate that he really felt himself without a friend. 

“You know, Clifton, that I am your friend, and 
I sympathize with you so much that I feel your 
sorrow is my own.” 

They had seated themselves by the roadside, 
and at this warm expression of sympathy Clifton 
buried his face in his hands and wept bitterly. It 
was some time before the silence was broken. He 
gazed steadfastly in her bright brown eyes, and 
when he had suppressed his feelings enough to 
speak he said : 

“You are so very kind to me, Laverne, and I 
love you as a sister ; you have always thought so 
much of me, and even now you seem to love me 
more and sympathize more because of my mis- 
fortune, which gives me a two-fold confidence in 
the sincerity of your esteem. Your kindness to 
instruct me in my studies will ever be cherished 
with the tenderest recollection. You are so good 
and noble, and have tried so hard to assist my 


I 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 49 

dear mother, and make her duties as light as you 
could. God will bless you, Laverne,” and again 
Clifton’s tears betrayed his feelings. 

‘‘Since you have proffered so much kindness 
to mother and myself I feel at liberty to ask you 
to do anything in your power for her sake. I 
wish to make this request of you, Laverne : that 
you will always assist mother as much as possible. 
You know that my services will soon be required 
on the farm ; I have only about three months 
more to go to school, then my school days will end 
forever, and I feel assured that I could be happy if 
mother was comfortably situated. I am not dis- 
turbed, Laverne, because I have to labor, but it is 
the loss of an opportunity to complete my educa- 
tion, and seeing mother so unpleasantly situated. 
You are very far advanced in your studies now, 
and can be of much assistance to her. All the 
children seem to love you and they will readily 
exemplify your actions ; your sweet disposition 
will have a great influence and this will assist 
mother in controlling them.” 


50 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

“ Clifton, I wish you to feel fully assured that 
I will experience the greatest pleasure in adding 
to Aunt Helen’s every comfort and happiness. I 
hope you will not hesitate to command my ser- 
vices, for it will be indeed a very great pleasure to- 
me to throw a ray of sunshine upon the sad and 
benighted hearts of you and dear Aunt Helen. I 
shall in all things be a good girl and give her no- 
trouble, and I will endeavor to influence others to- 
be good.” 

Clifton was so overcome with emotion and 
gratitude that he sprang to his feet and grasped his- 
cousin by the hand while the tears rolled down his. 
cheeks. 

“Godwill bless you, Laverne. I wish that 
you could only know how noble and kind I be- 
lieve you to be ! May your little heart never feel 
what mine has felt ; it is too noble, too pure to be 
oppressed with care or sorrow. You are so good 
and kind to make me this promise, I shall always 
love you.” 

Clifton still held her little hand and gazed 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 5 I 

earnestly into her sweet face. He could not 
speak the emotions of his little heart that had been 
relieved of such a burden. 

It was now growing late, the sun was sinking 
behind the tall trees of the forest, and Clifton knew 
that they both must be getting home. As they 
parted he raised her little hand and pressed it ten- 
derly to his lips while a crimson flush came upon 
her cheeks. 

As Clifton walked slowly homeward his heart 
felt more joyous than it had for many months. 
He felt that now he had a sister to love and cher- 
ish who had promised to be good and kind to his 
dear mother, and as he loitered on his way he 
wondered if it would ever be that anything would 
come between him and his sweet little cousin to 
mar the pleasure of their two-fold affection. He 
wondered if she would always be a sister to him, 
or would she, like some others, prove only a friend 
in words, or would she forget him when they 
would be separated. He loved her because she 
was his cousin, and had been kind to him and his 


52 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS J 


mother ; and he loved her because he thought her 
so good and so noble. It was a painful hour to 
him when he left her. He felt that he had found 
a friend in Laverne that would make him happy. 
He had not known her intimately until now. He 
knew that if Laverne proved as faithful in her 
friendship as he would prove in his that he would 
try to be happy with any lot it might be hi$ to 
encounter. When he reached home he found his 
mother had grown quite uneasy about him ; she 
was standing at the gate waiting and watching for 
him, and when he met her she said : 

“Where have you been, my boy, and what 
has kept you out so late ? I had grown very 
anxious about you. I hope my good boy has not 
been at any mischief,” while she stooped and 
kissed him and pressed him fondly to her breast. 

“Mother, I have been feeling quite gloomy 
to-day, and I knew of no one to whom I would 
rather unburden myself than to Cousin Laverne, 
so I have been with her. You know what an in- 
terest she has manifested in me, and I have learned 


OR, a madman’s CONFESSION. 53 

to love her fondly. She is the noblest girl I ever 
knew.” 

“Yes, she is without a parallel,” remarked 
Mrs. Steadman, “she is so kind to every one, and 
I do not believe she has an enemy in school, and 
she tries so hard to help me. I have not reproved 
her since school began, so if you have been with 
her I know you have not been tempted to do any- 
thing wrong. I am very happy that you have 
found some one you can regard as a friend ; you 
will feel better now I hope. The heart always 
yearns for sympathy in its hours of wretchedness, 
and the sweet consolation of friends is all that sus- 
tains us in the hours of distress. When clouds of 
misfortune gather around us with no hopes left of 
their breaking, when there seems nothing before 
us to give even a momentary forgetfulness of our 
sorrows, how sweet sounds the voice of sympathy. 
It falls upon the blighted and care-worn heart like 
the refreshing dews of night upon some withered 
herb, giving life and beauty and making it appear 
again in all the freshness of its former loveliness. 


4 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


Ah, how wretched must be that heart which is in- 
sensible to the consolation and sympathy of a 
true and faithful friend, or who looks out upon 
the desert of life and finds not one oasis upon 
which his wearied heart may take repose. The 
path of life even at best is strewn with thorns and 
thistles ; but the thorns seem not to prick and the 
thistles seem not to sting if the hand of love leads 
us. My boy, I trust you are fully capable of ap- 
preciating the friendship of your cousin Laverne, 
and it is a fortunate thing for you to have one so 
pure and so noble to be your confidante ; but you 
must be guarded, Clifton, and confine your affec- 
tion to that of real friendship and not suffer it to 
burst into an ardent flame of love, which is pos- 
sible ; for those who are kind to us in matters of 
friendship or who manifest an unselfish esteem 
often provokes the heart to a love that knows no 
bounds. But, Clifton, I feel it scarcely necessary 
to suffer any uneasiness about this as I know that 
the loving or marrying of cousins would be very 
inconsistent with your sense of propriety. My 


or, a madman’s confession. 55 

dear son, you have of late appeared so disconso- 
late, and if you give yourself up to so much de- 
spondency your future life will be cast with a deep 
dye of distress, and you will finally become, I fear, 
insensible to all emotions of pleasure and become 
•a slave to melancholy. So for this reason I am 
pleased that you have found such a congenial 
friend in Laverne, but again let me warn you to 
be guarded in your affection, for as dearly as I love 
you I would almost as soon follow you to your 
grave as to see you marry Laverne.” 

All this time Clifton had been greatly absorbed 
in attention to the words of his mother, and while 
she had given him great consolation in presenting 
to him the many great blessings of friendship, he 
felt that he could not obey the warning she had 
given him in reference to his affection for Laverne. 
He felt as she did that it would be a crime to marry 
his cousin, but he could not regard it improper to 
love her. Had Mrs. Steadman been the least sus- 
pecting she might have seen his expression when 
she mentioned the impropriety of his loving La- 


5 6 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

verne. Ah, too well did he know that he loved 
her, but he had never intimated it to her in words, 
yet his actions while with her had spoken volumes, 
and had she not been so young and such a stranger 
to that tender passion she might have known the 
sad truth long ago. Clifton had sought manfully 
to conceal the secret from her, and it was not un- 
til they parted in the forest that she had the slight- 
est intimation of his feelings for her. When he 
took her by the hand and kissed it as they bade 
each other good bye she feared that was an indica- 
tion of love, and so it was, but it had been unwit- 
tingly bestowed. Laverne thought, or rather 
hoped, that she might be mistaken in this, and she 
resolved to watch Clifton’s actions more closely in 
the future, and not accept that as substantial evi- 
dence of a passionate regard, as Clifton’s gratitude 
had been so aroused by her kind proffering of 
assistance to her mother. To those of experience 
this would have been a full revelation of the secret, 
for the look he gave her as he pressed her little 
hand was more eloquent than words and would 


OR, a madman’s confession 57 

have revealed more than words. There was a 
long silence that followed these words of Mrs. 
Steadman which was at length broken by Clifton. 

“ Mother, if I did not love Laverne I would be 
indeed heartless and ungrateful, for she is so very 
kind to me and she has done so much to console 
and make you happy that I cannot see why you 
would not have me love her.” 

“ Yes, Clifton, if you did not love Laverne as 
a friend and as a sister I should think you very 
ungrateful. If you love her with something like a 
brother’s love it would be just and proper, and I 
only warned you that you might keep yourself 
guarded. You should know that such kindness 
as she has shown you, and your great apprecia- 
tion, can scarcely fail to awaken a feeling too 
strong, too wild, and too tender to be called only 
gratitude.” 

Clifton and Laverne had been closely associated 
with each other. He never had a secret that he 
would conceal from her. He unfolded every sor- 
row to her with the sweet assurance of gaining her 


58 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

sympathy. He had revealed secrets to her that 
he had kept from his mother. But all this inti- 
macy, and all the pleasure they had evinced in 
each other’s society had not been regarded by any 
one as other than the warmest friendship. 

But this friendship was growing with their 
years, and had assumed such proportions that con- 
cealment was now almost impossible. Clifton’s 
strong and resolute will, and his acute sense of 
propriety would seem to have been a sufficient 
equipment to enable him to conquer his passion. 
If friendship be the germ of affection sown in the 
garden of a heart susceptible it always ripens into 
a strong and beautiful flower. Clifton was now 
bowing a willing subject to Cupid, that god of 
love who holds dominion over every element of 
the human heart. He had often challenged Cupid 
to pierce him with his arrows — he thought himself 
invulnerable. But now he would seek the solitude 
of the hills and forests to pour forth the love of his 
young heart for his little cousin ; and even in his 
dreams at night the lovely form of his little cousin 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 59 

would play before his vision in all the beauty of a 
fairy queen. He would feel the sweet impress of 
her lips upon his, and as he would stretch forth 
his arms to embrace her, the phantom would dis- 
appear, and like the fruits that hung before Tanta- 
lus, it would recede from his grasp, he would wake 
to find it all a dream. The dreams of Clifton 
Steadman had become filled with such phantoms, 
and while awake the sweet sound of her gentle 
voice was to him sweeter than the dying notes of 
the yEolian harp. The touch of her little hand 
would magnetize him. Oh, could it be that he 
who was of such a strong and resolute heart had 
become so weak and so, subservient to the influ- 
ence of love. He knew that love was strong and 
hard to conquer, and he regarded its influence 
more powerful than that of all other passions, but 
he had always regarded himself strong enough to 
conquer any passion that might strive with him 
for the ascendency. Now he had one to encoun- 
ter that would call into requisition all the powers 
of his being, and which might remain undaunted 


6o 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


even after the repulaive influence of offended 
pride, or after the withering blast of neglect might 
leave him with a lingering step. But Clifton had 
not the influence of offended pride to assist him in 
conquering his affection, nor could the strong arm 
of neglect be raised to assist him. On the con- 
trary the kind and gentle words of his little cousin 
served as a strong blast fanning the flame of his 
affection. Like the simoon, that leaves death and 
ruin in its path, so is the influence of neglect upon 
the heart, and its love, pure and unselfish, knows 
no law and has no bounds. Pride cannot conquer 
it, anger cannot reach it, misfortune cannot weaken 
it ; but neglect, like the silent creeping on of some 
fatal disease, robs it of its faith and of its power, 
robs it of its joy, and leaves it to perish in wretch- 
edness and misery. 

At this age Clifton had displayed a fondness 
for the muse. He would often repair to the 
forest and enjoy the solitude which had many 
charms for him. He had written many simple 
rhymes of Laverne, yet he had never shown 


OR, A madman’s CONFESSION. 6 1 

them to her. There was a peculiar simplicity 
about these early effusions of his that showed 
plainly they came from a heart full of affection. 
He never displayed any fondness for the harp 
until his little heart had become replete with a 
love that knew no bounds, which must teach us 
to believe that 

“Never durst poet touch a pen to write 
Until his ink were tempered with love signs; 

0, then his lines would ravage savage ears 
And plant in tyrants mild humility ! ” 

With truth the first two lines of the above 
quotation might be applied to Clifton, but not 
the latter. His effusions were too weak and too 
shallow to “ravage savage ears and plant in ty- 
rants mild humility.” He was born with a poet’s 
love and sentiment but not with a poet’s power 
and depth of thought. Had Clifton been edu- 
cated or encouraged be might have attained a 
state of mediocrity, but all the- talent he dis- 
played in this direction had not met favor with 
any one; and his parents, knowing that his edu- 
cation could never be perfected, sought to dis- 


62 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


courage him. They had both received a finished 
education, and they could not bear the thought 
of their boy launching out upon the broad field 
of literature with such an imperfect qualifica- 
tion, for there he would encounter the unfriendly 
critic who would not take into consideration his 
limited opportunities, but would condemn or 
commend just as individual worth might suggest, 
and they knew when his productions came before 
a fastidious public they would soon sink into 
oblivion. 

Judging Clifton’s information by his oppor- 
tunities and by his age one would not expect 
much of him ; but he would not let opposition 
discourage him. He had resolved that if his 
name never went down to other ages with that 
renown which had been attained by others as 
authors, he would store his mind with a vast 
amount of knowledge to show those of limited 
opportunities what one might attain by dint of 
hard study. He possessed that peculiar turn of 
mind or power of digesting rapidly and retaining 


OR, a madman’s confession. 63 

tenaciously. His mind seemed to stereotype 
every intricate problem to which it was directed. 
With such a capability as he possessed of retain- 
ing and with such a gift of continuance it would 
not take him long to qualify for a literary life, 
though he decided not to pursue it. 

This was the period in Clifton’s life where his 
hardships and mental anguish had their beginning. 
A few months more and his happy school days 
would be over forever. These last days of school 
would always afford him a happy recollection. 
The shady groves around the old village school 
house through which he and his little cousin and 
other dear friends of his childhood had wandered 
in search of wild flowers, the babbling brooks 
upon whose mossy banks he had so often strolled, 
and the thick dark-foliaged trees under which he 
had so often sat and dreamed of his first love, 
would hold a place which time nor change could 
ever efface. Ah ! how sweet are the recollections 
of our childhood ! All other memories that once 
might have been dear to us may be forgotten when 


64 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

the hour of misfortune comes, but the sweet mem- 
ories of our early years, the friends and compan- 
ions of our childish sports hold a place in the 
memory that cease only with our being. When 
we have approached the end of our career often 
the only pleasure left us is in retrospecting the 
days of our youth and innocence — the days in 
which the heart knew no guile and was not sus- 
ceptible to the influence of sorrow. How often 
those who have attained a ripe old age soliloquize 
thus : 

Oh, cruel fate, bring back to me 
The days I spent in childish glee! 

For manhood is an age of care 
Keplete with sorrow and despair. 

There is no joy in life’s last scene 
But viewing those which once have been. 

The youth’s gay heart never feels 
The care, the woe, manhood reveals; 

Then let me live my childhood o’er 
And view its happy scenes once more! 

Yes, Clifton knew that his barque would soon 
be launched out upon the broad rough sea of life, 
where is would drift far away from those then so 
dear to him. Yet he did not anticipate the mis- 



OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 65 

fortunes that awaited him and the many hardships 
and privations that would soon be his to endure. 
He had many earnest hopes of his father’s ability 
to adjust his business affairs, and that he would 
yet realize the hopes he had entertained of com- 
pleting his education. 

Mr. Steadman had not given Clifton a detailed 
account of his losses. He would reveal the sad 
truth little by little so that it would not appear so 
heavy and hard to bear. When misfortune fore- 
casts its coming it prepares the heart for the bur- 
den and teaches it submission and resignation, but 
when it falls upon a heart that is reveling in happi- 
ness it is crushing, and the blow brings absolute 
desolation, misery and anguish. It is like the 
convulsions of earth when disturbed by volcanic 
eruptions, or like the thunder’s peal from a clear 
sky on a summer day. 

Mr. and Mrs. Steadman had set Clifton an ex- 
ample of resignation, and had, at every mention of 
the hope he entertained of completing his educa- 
tion, warned him not to hope too earnestly, that 


66 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


he might be disappointed. And while they had 
not told him the true story of their misfortune, 
circumstances had revealed enough to somewhat 
prepare his young and affectionate heart for the 
worst. 

There was now but one thing that made life 
worth the living to Clifton, and that was to cherish 
the unbounded affection that was bestowed upon 
him by his parents, and his little cousin Laverne, 
whom he idolized and worshipped with all the 
fervor of his little heart, yet no one had dreamed 
of his devotion to her. She had suspected it, but 
was not as yet positive. Those who observed his 
sadness were surprised to see one so young become 
so susceptible to sorrow, for as they thought, a 
boy of his age would not have been capable of 
taking upon himself so much, though for the sor- 
row of parents. 


CHAPTER III. 


One morning, just before the time for the 
opening of school, Laverne approached Clifton 
with a bright smile upon her face, and said : “Clif- 
ton, I have some very pleasant news for you, but 
I cannot tell you until noon.” 

“ O, Laverne, do tell me now ; I never felt the 
need of consolation as I do now. Would you be 
so cruel as to torture me with the suspense I 
would suffer till noon?” 

“It is not cruelty in me Clifton that causes me 
not to tell you now. I am sorry I said anything 
to you about it till I had an opportunity of telling 
you all. I would not have time to tell you now ; 
I could not finish before the bell would ring. I 
saw that you seemed depressed, and I thought I 
would tell you that I had pleasant news for you, 
thinking it would cheer you up.” 

“Will you go with me down to the brook to 


68 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

tell m‘e? We can then have such a good opportu- 
nity of enjoying a long talk together. The even- 
ing I walked part of the way home with you I felt 
better when I left you than ever before.” 

They were interrupted by the ringing of the 
school bell, and they hastened to its call. As 
Laverne stood before her cousin informing him of 
the happy intelligence she had for him, and which 
she would reveal to him at the noon recess, she 
looked lovelier, and her eyes beamed with an ex- 
pression of affection that Clifton had never seen in 
them before. Her voice seemed sweeter than he 
had ever heard it. While she spoke there was 
not that alternate flush of the cheek which often 
betrayed the secrets of an affectionate heart when 
it seeks to conceal its true sentiments, but she ap- 
peared more like a sister talking to a brother. 

The intelligence that Laverne was to reveal to 
him which was to gladden his young heart so much 
was of such great concern to him that he was ren- 
dered unfit for study, and his inattention to his 
lessons was perceptible to every member of the 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 69 

class. In his imagination he thought it might be 
that she had discovered that he loved her, and it 
might be that she only wanted to give him the as- 
surance that his affection for her was duly appre- 
ciated and reciprocated. Ah ! he wondered, could 
it be that she loved him, and wished to express 
her affection to brighten his sad life forever? Ah, 
no ; he thought, it cannot be that she loves me ; 
she has never demonstrated any love for me except 
as a sister. 

Laverne had noticed him dropping his book 
and fixing his eyes upon her till he was lost to his 
surroundings. He counted the hours and they 
seemed never to pass and bring the sweet sounds 
of the bell, which was always rung to announce 
the hour for recess, when Laverne would tell him 
what she wished to impart. There never had 
been a moment of his life so fraught with suspense. 
After what had seemed an age of anguish the bell 
announced the noon recess. The children hast- 
ened out screaming with laughter, but Clifton 
crept out without any demonstration of joy. He 


70 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


took a seat near Laverne after she had arranged to 
eat her luncheon. He did not finish his dinner, 
but waited anxiously for Laverne, and when he 
saw her close the lid of her basket from which she 
had eaten what seemed to him a long and hearty 
luncheon, he approached her, and embarrassingly 
asked her if she would go down upon the brook 
with him. She evinced much hesitancy and it 
was not till after many earnest entreaties that she 
consented. Long before any of the other children 
had finished eating they had stolen off to the 
brook. When they had reached a shady spot 
they seated themselves upon a beautiful mossy 
bank, and he at once asked her to tell him the 
glad tidings. 

“You know, Clifton, what a great anxiety you 
have manifested to complete your education or to 
take a collegiate course, and you also know how I 
have sympathized with you. So I have persuaded 
father to see Mr. Stanley, of Gunville, and get 
him to write to the president of our State Univer- 
sity and tell him of your case ; and father said that 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 7 1 

he felt almost certain that when the president had 
been satisfied as to your character and capabilities 
it would be a pleasure for him to have you at the 
University, and to educate you free.” Clifton did 
not seem as much elated over this as Laverne 
thought he would have been. He had very little 
confidence in the generosity of the wealthy ; he 
would rather have gone to some poor farmer for 
such favors than to those surfeiting in affluence, 
and besides, he did not see how his services could 
be spared as he would soon have to assist his 
mother in supporting the family. 

" Clifton, I really thought you would have been 
delighted at this plan,” remarked Laverne, with 
great surprise. 

"It will be time enough for me to become 
elated when I have realized the favor. • And, be- 
sides, I would very reluctantly receive such favors 
from those who have no interest in my welfare. 
With the recommendation it would require to re- 
ceive the assistance, it would impress my benefac- 
tor with an incorrect idea of my capabilities, and 


72 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS ; 

he, no doubt, would expect great things of me in 
the future. I would not like to feel under such 
obligations to any one for so much kindness. 
However, Laverne, for your sake, I shall abide 
the wishes of my friends.” 

For a while neither spoke. Clifton felt insen- 
sible to all things except that passion of love 
which seemed to be almost consuming him. 

“Laverne, you are so thoughtful of my wel- 
fare I do not know how I will ever be able to 
repay you and thank you for all your solicitude. 
If Mr. Stanley were to succeed in obtaining any 
assistance for me, I shall feel under lasting obliga- 
tions to him, and also to you, Laverne ; for I feel 
that if anything is ever accomplished for me in 
this direction, it shall be creditable to your influ- 
ence, and I shall ever feel indebted to you. La- 
verne, God will duly reward you for all your kind- 
ness. If God observes the little sparrows and 
provides food for them, what rich reward he will 
have laid up in Heaven for you.” 

Clifton could not suppress his feelings any 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 7 3 

longer, and in a low and sad voice he said : 

“Ah! what would be my life without you? 
My little barque would drift down the stream of 
life, encountering all the misfortunes that abound 
upon its rugged waters. There would be no one 
to steer it safely into a peaceful harbor. O, La- 
verne, how very dear you are to me ; and here, 
in the presence of our God, I wish to reveal a 
secret to you. I feel that my heart will burst — I 
feel that I can not live if I do not tell you. Yet, 

I fear to do so ; and it is only the confidence that 
I have in your generous, noble and forgiving heart 
that gives me courage to tell you, for I know that 
if I did wrong you would forgive me and still 
remain my friend, and my same kind, good cousin. 

I would rather lose this strong right arm of mine, 
with which I must earn bread for myself and 
mother, than to offend you. You cannot know 
the bounds of my affection for you ; words can- 
not express nor can actions truly indicate it. I 
love you with all my heart. It gives me pain to 
tell you, Laverne, for I feel that by so doing I 


74 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

shall incur your contempt and hatred. God being 
my witness, I do not intend or wish to do wrong. 
I felt that I could not live if I did not tell you 
this.” 

Laverne raised her head and looked earnestly 
into Clifton’s eyes and said: “Clifton, why 
should you feel so grieved to tell me that you love 
me? I have been kind to you. I have tried to 
take a sister’s place in your heart. Yes, every 
care of yours has been felt deep down in my own 
heart; and I am your cousin, and being such a 
friend to you, it is natural and it is right that you 
should love me.” 

“Laverne, I must be honest, though I give 
offense. You seem not to understand how I love 
you. I shall tell you, though I lose your friend- 
ship forever. I cannot be true to my own heart 
to permit you to remain ignorant of the nature of 
my affection any longer. Laverne, look at me ; 
do you not understand me?” 

There was quite a silence. It was painful to 
Clifton to unfold his secret. At length he said : 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 7 5 

I love you with a wild and unutterable passion- 
ate affection. This affection has grown with my 
being and forms a part of it. Laverne, do you 
forgive me and will you love me ? My life will be 
sad at best, so will you love me to make me 
happy, love me to make me better, love me be- 
cause I love you. Laverne, with the brightest 
hopes of my life blasted, with not a friend on earth 
besides mother and father to love me, I can be 
made happy with the assurance of your love. 
Forgive my weakness, but I would not care to 
live without your love. I know that it is wrong 
for cousins to marry, and this I do not ask you ; 
but tell me, will you give me this sweet hope to 
cherish forever, that you will love me forever? 
I must have some hope to cherish or my heart 
will break with sadness. I know this is a surprise 
to you, but if you do not wish to break my heart 
while it is yet so young and tender, tell me that 
you love me. I am sure that with the full assur- 
ance of your affection, misfortune could neve 
blight my prospects • or render me disconsolate. 


j6 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

Your affection would be a fortification against all 
the disasters of this life. I regret that the prepon- 
derance of my feelings constrains me to press you 
for an answer, but will you promise to love me?” 

Clifton drew Laverne to his breast and pressed 
a kiss upon her lovely crimson cheek, and asked 
her again would she promise to love him. 

“Ah, Clifton, I fear you do not fully realize 
the import of the question you ask me. I am but 
a child, and am not able to ponder and answer 
such a question as this. It would be wrong for 
me to make a promise of this kind to one not 
related to me, then how much more is it wrong 
to promise to love you who are so closely related 
to me? You must learn to forget me. We must 
teach ourselves to forget each other.” 

“ Forget thee; ‘I may forget the mother who 
me gave birth, I may forget that sun that shines so 
brightly, I may forget the God who made me, but 
when all things else have become a dreary blank 
your image will still be before me with not one hue 
of its loveliness faded, with .not one atom of its 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 77 

sweetness departed, for it is stamped here upon 
my brain and here upon my heart vivid and dis- 
tinct. ’ How can you offend the integrity and 
sincerity of my affection by even intimating a pos- 
sibility of forgetfulness. No, not until the night 
winds are singing their mournful requiem over my 
lone sepulchre will it be possible for me to forget 
thee ; and even then, ‘if the spirits of the departed 
dead ever participate in the cares and concerns of 
those dear to them in this transitory life,’ regard- 
less of all the attractions my spirit will take its 
flight back to thee, to bask in the sunshine of thy 
bewitching smiles. Ah, my dear little cousin, 
your instruction is easier given than followed. My 
experience has been quite limited, but it has been 
sufficient to teach me that it is impossible for the 
true and trusting heart to ever/orget the object of 
its earliest love. Absence and even cruel neglect 
may cast their withering blight, but in distant 
years, when it is thought to be perishing in forget- 
fulness, some word, some picture or some flower 
will rekindle the mouldering fires of memory, and 


yS HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

under the influence of a momentary reverie we 
will feel the gentle touch of some hand, we will! 
hear the soft accents of some voice, we will feel 
the sweet impress of some lips we once had known 
and loved, which will teach us that we cannot if 
we wish forget those we once loved.” 

“Ah, cousin Clifton, I am sorry you have 
permitted your affection for me to assume such 
proportions. You are overwhelmed with emotion 
now, and speak what I think after sober reflection 
you will very willingly revoke. I know it would 
be contrary to your sense of propriety to ever for 
a moment entertain an idea of marrying me, and 
it will afford us little pleasure, if any, to just 
simply love each other. Then let me appeal to 
your better judgment to teach yourself to forget 
me. But tell me rf why would you have me to 
answer you?” 

“I can not tell, unless — well I think it will 
make me happier to know whether you love me.”' 

“You know that I love you, Clifton. Have I 
not manifested it in every way?” 


or, a madman’s confession. yg 

“Yes, but I do not mean that kind of love. I 
appreciate your friendship with all the gratitude of 
my heart, but I love you as a lover, and this you 
have surely observed, and I do not ask you to 
marry me, but tell me I beseech you, whether you 
love me as I love you. If you could but know 
what a heavy burden this would take from my 
life you would try to love me.” 

“Yes, Clifton, I love you, and I appreciate the 
affection you express for me. But do not let us 
cast a shadow over our young lives by continuing 
this love. I feel assured that we can teach our- 
selves to forget each other as lovers. We can still 
love each other as friends and as cousins but we 
must forget each other as lovers. Our sense of 
propriety should assist us in conquering this affec- 
tion. And Clifton, I believe if you soberly reflect 
or consider this, that you will act upon my sug- 
gestion.” 

Clifton replied in these peculiar lines : 

“Let conquerors boast of their fields of fame, 

But he who in virtue arms 


So 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


A young warm spirit against beauty’s charms, 

Who feels her brightness yet defies her thrall, 

Is the best bravest conqueror of them all.” 

The brave Hannibal, Alexander and Napoleon 
never committed a braver act than to conquer a 
love such as this I cherish for you; and if I attempt 
this I know I will not prove a victor. However, 
I will martial all my force that I may be able to 
direct this wild and maddening love in the channel 
of propriety. Yet I would not wish to be brave 
enough to drive it forever from my heart. I would 
rather commit the sin of loving a cousin than to 
spend all the years of my life in ignorance of the 
blessing it now affords me to know what it is to 
love and be loved in return. I would not be so 
callous of heart as to spend all the years of life 
which may yet be allotted me without having my 
heart to pay homage to some sweet and noble 
maiden, whose influence would tend to direct my 
thoughts and actuate me to noble and generous 
impulses. The man whose heart is not susceptible 
to love, who never felt its influence, I mistrust.” 


OR, a madman’s confession. 8 1 

‘‘ ’Tis better to have loved and lost, 

Than never to have loved at all.” 

They sat beside each other upon the banks of 
the little brook where they had so often strolled. 
Though children, they felt the magnitude of the 
question which they felt their duty to decide, and 
decide at once. They pondered it well and de- 
cided that they would avoid each other’s society 
in the future. Clifton took her by the hand and 
kissing it gave a long and heavy sigh and said : 

‘ ‘ Laverne, the greatest struggle of my life is now 
full upon me. Ah, how am I to forget you when 
it is my duty to love you? Yet, God being my 
helper, I hope to conquer this passion. But I 
shall ever cherish a tender remembrance of all 
your kindness to me, and may God reward you 
abundantly for it. I know that I shall never be 
able to justly compensate you, but God is too gra- 
cious, too merciful to permit such favors as you 
have shown me to go unrequitted. 

Before they parted Laverne asked Clifton to 
promise her that he would never mention this mat- 


82 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

ter to her again, and to pledge himself that he 
would try to forget her. He reluctantly made her 
the promise, but he had very little confidence in 
his power to keep it. He knew that it would 
require much time to conquer his affection, yet his 
sense of propriety taught him that it was very 
wrong to cherish such a feeling for her. This was 
one of the many conflicts of Clifton’s life. He 
was halting between two opinions. There was a 
warm and passionate affection pressing him in one 
direction, while a keen sense of propriety was in- 
fluencing him on the other. In principle he was 
scrupulously honest, and would not do what he 
knew to be wrong for all the wealth of the world. 
He had been taught to regard it a crime to marry 
a cousin, and it was no doubt this regard rendered 
it possible for him to lay aside his love for 
Laverne. 

They hurried on to the school house, for neither 
could bear the thought of being reproached by 
their school mates. Clifton was sad, because he 
had promised to lay aside that affection which now 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 83 

formed a part of his being; and, too well he knew 
that he and Laverne would soon be separated pro- 
bably to meet very seldom. Now, with a heart 
that was truly wretched, he must go forth into the 
world and battle with many sad reverses. When 
he returned from school that afternoon his mother 
inquired of him the cause of his disturbance, but 
he tried to evade her, as he felt that he could not 
tell her ; but after many earnest entreaties he told 
her his secret. Mrs. Steadman, very much sur- 
prised as well as greatly pained ; however, she did 
not rail at him, but kindly urged him to forget 
Laverne. She said: “Clifton, I know it would 
not be necessary for me to tell you how bad it 
would be for you to suffer your affection for 
Laverne to continue — you know that you would 
not for a moment entertain the idea of ever marry- 
ing her, then while you are so young is the time 
to conquer this feeling.” 

“ Mother, I cannot teach myself to forget La- 
verne, for the kindness she has shown me will ever 
make me remember her tenderly. And, mother, 


84 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

I shall ever love her, but I will avoid meeting with 
her all I can in the future; but when I have passed 
through a long life of either joy or sorrow, and 
when the last moment of life is passing away I 
shall feel the same tender emotions of affection 
that I now feel, and if I am rational then, mother, 
your form and Laverne’s will in my memory stand 
side by side, and, as I gaze upon you both, I shall 
forget the pain of death, and if it be that both of 
you then have crossed the silent river I shall feel 
that your hands are beckoning me to come where 
you shall ‘be waiting and watching for me’.” 

“ My son, I am much surprised to know that 
you love Laverne as you do. It is noble in you 
to try and forget her.” 

Mr. Steadman that night, when his little family 
were assembled, told Clifton all that he had kept 
secret from him. He told him that he had sold or 
given all his farm, and even the home in which he 
was born, and a large portion of their household 
effects, to Mr. Lapell to pay the amount of the 
note he had endorsed for him. 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 85 

Mr. Steadman had now become discouraged, 
and had it not been for the assistance of his noble 
wife he would have been rendered an object of 
charity. He had become so much disturbed that 
his friends feared he would lose his mind ; he had 
lost all that vivacity which was formerly such a 
noted characteristic, and this grievous calamity 
had driven him to the wine cup, which is often re- 
sorted to for the consolation of sorrow, but is in 
reality an augmentation of it. 

For the wine cup is productive of more human 
suffering and sorrow than all other causes com- 
bined. The hour of trouble is the time we need 
our mental faculties. 

With all of Mr. Steadman’s discretion he had 
failed to appreciate this and was now drinking to 
excess, which was adding anguish to his wretched 
condition, also wringing the heart of his noble and 
affectionate wife. 

Mrs. Steadman had discovered Mr. Steadman’s 
too frequent drinking on several occasions, but she 
sought to keep it secret from Clifton. 


86 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

When Clifton went to his room that night it 
was not to retire at once in the usual manner to 
his quiet repose. Ah, no, the boy’s heart was 
sick with sorrow, and he felt that his life would 
ever be a miserable blank. But with all his dark 
forebodings little did he realize what was before 
him. Could he have raised the thick veil of futur- 
ity and marked the thorny path he must tread, 
and beheld all the vicissitudes that awaited him, 
he would have been tempted to end his existence 
then. 

What a fortunate thing for us that we have not 
the power of beholding the future. For who of 
us if we could would not view our life to its close. 
If it is to be happy it is well that we do not know 
it; if it is to be wretched it is better still that we 
be kept in ignorance of it. 

Clifton Steadman’s life was one that seemed 
without a parallel in point of reverses, especially 
for one of only sixteen years. He had never been 
truly happy, and how unfortunate it is to be made 
wretched in early youth. It plants a melancholy 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 87 

expression on the face, and renders one totally 
insensible to any emotions of joy. 

The future of Mr. Steadman’s family was at 
this period indeed gloomy. He had not secured, 
nor had he sought to secure, any business. His 
wife was now the sole support of the family. He 
had been offered a large school, which he refused. 
He had a finished education, and could he be per- 
suaded to give teaching his attention, he no doubt 
would have attained great success ; but he seemed 
to have lost all of his former energy, and dis- 
played an utter indifference to everything, which 
was attributable to his excessive drinking. All 
his refined and dignified elements of character had 
become so blunted that he was insensible to his 
duties as a father and husband. 





















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VI - ' ; • 1 : ■ ■' l 





















CHAPTER IV. 


We cannot measure joys but by their loss; 

When blessings fade away we see them then ; 

Our richest clusters grow around the cross, 

And in the night time angels sing to men. 

— Anonymous. 

Winter has laid her icy fetters by. The birds 
which had migrated to more congenial climes had 
returned, and were singing with joyous praise the 
welcome of spring. 

The village school had closed, and with it the 
happiest days of Clifton’s life. He was now at 
work upon a rented farm. He had buried the last 
hopes he entertained of ever resuming his studies 
at school. His father had rented part of the same 
farm that had once been his own, and had moved 
to one of the cottages that was formerly occupied 
by one of his tenants. What a change of circum- 
stances ! What a change of prospects ! Living right 
in the midst of those who had formerly manifested 
a love that was bestowed with apparent sincerity. 


gO HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

The old mansion which was daily presented to 
his view seemed more lovely to him than when it 
was his own. There were tall green trees, spread- 
ing their leafy branches; there in the midst stands 
the beautiful, the grand old mansion. The house 
was built with large, deep windows, stone balcon- 
ies and verandas. Beautiful roses and flowers 
of almost every variety grew in rich profusion, 
in narrow borders, around the edge of the ver- 
andas. It was complete in every respect. Now 
that it was no longer his, he could see its beauties 
more than ever before. 

There was a lawn in front of the house, with 
large, stately trees ; and in this lawn was an arti- 
ficial mound and a miniature lake, whose waters, 
in the sunshine, glistened like burnished gold. 
Here and there, on the edge of the lake, were 
large and choice rose bushes and lilacs, which 
formed a most lovely picture. 

The place had always been filled with mirth 
and sunshine until the past year. Mr. Steadman 
would stand and gaze in mute admiration and 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 9 1 

drink in the beauty of the scene, and his eyes 
would fill with tears to know that this grand old 
palace was no longer his. 

All the happiness and enjoyment that his 
former prosperity had rendered was not appreci- 
ated until now. Ah ! when we are surrounded 
by all that makes life happy, we become so sur- 
feited that the heart loses those emotions of pleas- 
ure that at first seemed an ecstasy which could 
never lose its force or stimulus. But let the heart 
which has grown weary meet with misfortune, and 
it is then, and only then, that it can be made to 
realize that — 

“ Were there no night we could not read the stars, 

The heavens would turn into a blinding glare ; 

Freedom is best seen through prison bars, 

And rough seas make the haven passing fair.” 

Mr. Steadman asked Mr. Lapell to endorse him 
for what supplies he needed for the coming year, 
he. felt that he had so often befriended him that he 
would not hesitate to give him whatever assistance 
he could. But Mr. Lapell had heard so many ac- 
counts of his drinking that he mistrusted him, and 


92 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

demanded a mortgage or some security. Mr. 
Steadman could not give him a mortgage for he 
did not possess any property, except a few house- 
hold goods, and a mortgage on these would have 
been no protection to Mr. Lapell, as such property 
by the laws of this State would have been exempt 
from all attachments. 

Mr. Stanley having heard of Mr. Steadman’s 
efforts to obtain supplies, volunteered his services 
and he assumed all responsibility for what was 
needed to carry on the farming. 

Mrs. Steadman had resolved to do all the 
housework, also to sew, or do anything in her 
power to contribute to the support of the family. 
She had arranged and fitted up their humble little 
home, and made it pretty without and neat and 
inviting within ; everything wore an air of comfort. 
She sought to make her husband and his boy 
happy; she was striving to make their home happy 
regardless of poverty. 

Ah ! when the heart of man is distressed, or 
when misfortune overtakes him, it often crushes 


OR, a madman’s confession. 


93 

the last hope of his life and he will give up to 
sorrow, and, with all the strength and bravery of 
which he boasts, he will sink beneath its weight 
like some weak and tender child. 

But the heart of woman — noble woman — will 
brave misfortunes and wear a smile to cheer the 
hearts of those dear to her. She is termed “the 
weaker vessel,” and in some respects she is, but 
when the hour of misfortune comes she is always 
braver than man ; while man’s association with the 
busy world is enough to divert or beguile his 
thoughts, woman, the companion of her own 
thoughts, left to herself, surrounded by all the 
“ills that flesh is heir to, ” will wear a smile to 
cheer the hearts of those who are dearest to her, 
and let not the world know the anguish of her 
heart. 

“There is a peculiar tenderness in the love of 
of wife, a sister, and a mother that transcends all 
other affections of the human heart. It can 
neither be chilled by selfishness nor daunted by 
danger, weakened by unworthiness nor stifled by in- 


94 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS J 

gratitude. She will sacrifice every pleasure for 
her children or husband. She will glory in their 
fame, exult in their prosperity, and, if adversity 
and minfortune overtake them, they will be dearer 
from misfortune ; and, if disgrace settle upon their 
names, she will still love and cherish them ; and, 
if all the world besides should cast them off, she- 
will endeavor to be all the world to them. 

“ Woman’s charms are many and powerful. A 
blushing bride awakens interest and admiration. 
The charms of maternity is more sublime than alt 
else. Heaven has imprinted in the mother’s face 
something beyond this world. The angelic smile, 
the tender look, the watching, wakeful eye which 
keeps its fond vigil over the slumbering babe is 
beautiful and sublime. 

“Woman has been charged with inconstancy. 
It has been said: ‘Frailty, thy name is woman/ 
How untrue and how unjust. Should the man. 
upon whom she has bestowed her affection be 
overtaken with misfortune, or even disgrace, his. 
father and his brothers may disown him, and cast 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 95 

him forever from their affection, but the heart of 
her who has loved as only a woman can love will 
cling to him with tenderness ; she will remain true 
through disgrace and shame. But if poor woman 
sins but once she is thrust forever from the heart 
that had pledged devotion.” 

In all the ages of the world’s history woman 
has been man’s ministering and guardian angeL 
She has not taken in her hands the reins of gov- 
ernment, nor has she gone to legislatures to make 
laws to govern society ; but the principles she has 
instilled into the hearts of men have made them 
what they are. All the heroes of the past whose 
names have come thundering down the years of 
time have been made by their wives or by their 
mothers. Then all that we are, or all that we 
may ever hope to be ought to be attributed to 
her influence. 

“The saddest thing that can befall a soul 
Is when it loses faith in God and woman. 

Lost I those gems, 

Though the world’s throne stood empty in my path, 

I would go wandering back into my childhood 
Searching for them with tears.” 


g6 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

Mrs. Steadman had tried to raise her boy to be 
a wise, honest and Christian gentleman. She had 
made a companion of him and had taught him to 
love her, and he had learned to love his mother to 
such an extent that he never cared to be absent 
from her. He never left home in search of pleas- 
ure, as home had been indeed the dearest place on 
earth to him. His character had become like that 
of his mother’s, and he was regarded the most ex- 
emplary boy in the county. His ambition was for 
a different vocation from the one that he was now 
following. He was not satisfied with the idea of 
being a farmer, though he loved the solitude of 
the forests — nothing delighted him more than 
hunting and fishing. He was also delighted with 
the beauty of the broad fields of waiving grain; 
they had great charms for him. He loved the free 
and balmy air of the country village, but with all 
its charms and attractions he had no desire to pur- 
sue it as an occupation, yet he entered it with a 
cheerful heart. 

Mr. Steadman had now given himself up to 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 97 

drinking, and was more of a burden than an assis- 
tance to his family; he had almost broken the 
heart of his wife and brought the greatest humilia- 
tion upon his son. 

It seemed that he could not be persuaded to 
give up this pernicious habit of drinking, and his 
friends had almost given him up as a hopeless 
inebriate. 

This noble wife of his seemed to have no 
power to control his thirst for drink ; she had wept 
at his feet, she had pictured to him the darkest 
scenes of misery and wretchedness to which such 
a course as he was pursuing would inevitably bring 
upon them, but all seemed of no avail. 

One night she had been kept up waiting for 
his return, and after the night had almost past he 
came, but in a state of intoxication. Clifton had 
sat up with his mother until he had grown so 
weary with waiting that he fell asleep. After she 
Jiad given Mr. Steadman a warm supper, which 
she had prepared with her own hands, she thought 
she would venture to reprove him for his drinking. 


98 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

“Mr. Steadman, I have something I wish to 
talk to you about, will you promise not to take 
offense ? ” 

“ I suppose you wish to talk to me about my 
drinking. I have been drinking, and intend to 
continue doing so if I wish. This is no one’s 
business but my own. You are not furnishing 
what I spend for drink, and I cannot see why you 
wish to meddle with my business.” 

These words pierced the heart of Mrs. Steadman 
and produced a keener pang than had a dagger 
pierced it. It was so unlike Mr. Steadman, he 
had always been kind to his wife and would sacri- 
fice his individual pleasure for her, but now he had 
become a changed man. His affection was dead, 
and his feelings had become so blunted by the 
contaminating effects of whiskey that he had be- 
come unkind and even cruel. 

Regardless of the wound that these cruel words- 
had inflicted she continued: “Do you remember, 
Mr. Steadman, the sacred vows you made me when 
you sought my affection ? Do you remember the 


OR, A MADMAN S CONFESSION. 


99 


solemn promise you made at the marriage altar to 
always love and provide for me? You are too 
honorable, I hope, to disregard this sacred obliga- 
tion, though you should lose your affection for me. 
My sorrows, without such a course as you are now 
pursuing, would be almost more than I am able to 
bear, but with this great anguish added to it you 
cannot expect me to survive them long. How 
can you endure to see my crushed heart thus 
rudely probed? While we have to meet such a 
misfortune as the loss of our means, I think it 
becomes your duty to bear bravely up and try to 
relieve me and not seek to torture me. I have 
always been kind, faithful and true to you ; every 
care of yours has been mine, and I might still be 
happy with all our loss with any show of kindness. 
Yes, if you would but quit this awful habit of 
drinking and smile upon me, I would forget all my 
sorrows and be happy with you again. When a 
woman’s heart has been bruised as mine, nothing 
save the tender words of love and praise can heal 
it. Mr. Steadman, you have always been so kind 


300 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


and tender of me, you have always been so brave, 
and now when your family needs your every assist- 
ance, brace up — be a man. Now in the name of 
God I beseech you, to-night, to give up this habit 
and never touch liquor again. Indulgence in this 
only leads to want, disgrace and misery. Clifton, 
poor boy, has discovered that you have taken to 
drink and it almost breaks the boy’s heart. Now, 
for his sake, for mine, for God’s and for your own, 
promise me that you will never drink another 
drop.” 

Mr. Steadman, though still under the influence 
of liquor, was evidently moved. He hesitated a 
moment and then replied : 

“ Helen, I shall not tell you that I will never 
drink again, but I will try to keep from it. I 
know that this is wrong, but since I have formed 
this habit I feel at times that I could not live if I 
did not resort to the bowl.” 

How strange, how sad to see a man become so 
oppressed with sorrow that he would admit that it 
was more than he could endure. He had been an 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 10 1 

exemplary Christian, but that once joyous heart of 
his had almost lost all of its refined feeling. It 
seems that if the weak and tender-hearted wife 
could survive such misfortunes that he should be 
able to bear them with equal equanimity and cour- 
age. This might serve to show us that man, with 
all his boasted courage and bravery, and all his 
Christian resignation, may learn of weak and timid 
woman a lesson of resignation and courage. 

The reverses of fortune have driven wise men 
mad, insane, and have caused them to drift with a 
rapid stride to the lowest point of ruin and degra- 
tion. 

Woman may be taken from the happy fireside 
of her home to distant lands. It may have been 
a home of luxury and happiness, yet will she leave 
it forever, with all those dear friends of her child- 
hood, and cast her lot among “strangers in a 
strange land ” to be with the man upon whom she 
has bestowed her affection. 



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CHAPTER V. 


It was a bright and beautiful day early in Octo- 
ber. Clifton had returned from his labor when he 
received the sad intelligence that his friend’s effort 
to secure him a collegiate course was a failure. 
None felt more disappointed than Laverne, who, 
though separated from her cousin, still cherished 
for him an unselfish affection. 

Cliften had spent a year at hard work and had 
managed the business well. His father, having 
lost all interest in his home, spent most of his 
time in Gunville, laying around the saloons and 
streets, drunk. Clifton’s hands had become brown 
•and hard. He had grown to be tall and slender. 

During the summer he was prostrated with brain 
fever, and had a slight sun-stroke while at work in 
the field. All this trouble impaired his mind, but 
the vigor of his youth came to the rescue and he 
was soon himself again. 


104 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


After the labors of the year had been complet- 
ed he went to Gunville and settled all his accounts, 
and found that they were even poorer than at the 
beginning of the year. This, however, was not 
from extravagance, for they had lived in the plain- 
est possible manner, but the one thing that had 
absorbed all their profits was the insatiable King 
Alcohol. 

During his ride home Clifton had time for re- 
flection, and concluded that he had much to be 
thankful for, and when he met his mother, who 
was at the gate waiting for him, he called out : 

“I have good news for you, mother. Mr. 
Lapell has offered me a clerkship in his elegant 
store, and Mr. Stanley advises me to take the po- 
sition. He says he is sure you can get a good 
private school in Gunville. Shall we move to 
town, mother?” 

“My dear boy, I fear that city life will not 
suit you, and I know I do not like it. I have al- 
ways been accustomed to the balmy fresh air of 
the country; yet, if it is for the best, I will go. 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 105 

My only pleasure is in ministering to your com- 
fort. I think I will not be with you long.” 

“Oh, mother, do not talk that way. It 
would break my heart to give you up. I have 
had so much trouble, and you are so dear to me.” 

“ My girlhood was one unbroken scene of hap- 
piness and pleasure, and when I married your 
father he was wealthy, noble and good. But, ah ! 
what have I now to look forward to? Nothing, 
save a miserable remnant of life. And your poor 
father, we do not even know where he is.” 

“Do not grieve, dear mother; I can and will 
support you, and father may yet reform and re- 
turn to us.” 

“I cannot think so. If he could forsake us in 
our hour of deepest gloom there is no hope that he 
will ever reform.” 

“ This is a very great burden you have to bear; 
you deserve a better fate. If father loves drink 
better than he loves you it is better that he should 
not return.” 

“Clifton, you are too young to fully under- 


I06 HALTED ^BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

stand my feelings. I love him for what he has 
been to me.” 

“Your lot, mother, is indeed a sad one; but 
let us look to God — He will not let us suffer. I 
want you to depend upon me ; I will never forsake 
you. You are dearer to me than any other living 
creature, and should I ever attain to any eminence 
in this world it will be through your influence and 
training. The lessons you taught me when I was 
a child will be remembered by me through life, 
and whatever I do will be with the firm belief that 
you would approve. When you get away from 
the scenes of your former happiness and form new 
attachments you will feel better. You, I am sure, 
will feel much better when we are out of sight of 
our old home. Our prospects are so much better 
than they have been for some, and I feel that all 
will yet be well.” 

It was with a sad heart that Mrs. Steadman 
bade farewell to her few remaining friends and 
o oked for the last time upon her dear old home. 

Mr.. Glad well gave them all the assistance they 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 107 

needed in moving, and they were soon snugly 
ensconsed in their city home. The sale of their 
live stock and farm implements brought them in 
sufficient money to make them comfortable until 
Clifton’s salary was due, and Mrs. Steadman soon 
had a very good select school. 

Clifton was better satisfied than formerly and 
seemed more like other boys. There were many 
things in the city to interest him He became a 
member of several literary societies and a member 
of the Y. M. C. A. He had now very little time 
for gloomy thoughts and Laverne was crowded 
out of his memory most of the time. He loved 
her still but not with the same intensity. 

Fortune was beginning to smile upon them 
once more. They were fortunate to possess such 
friends as the Stanleys, who at once introduced 
them to a circle of select and refined people. It 
was natural to suppose that the course Mr. Stead- 
man was pursuing would injure Clifton and his 
mother, but their merit was recognized and re- 
warded regardless of this. 


108 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

The selection of associates is one of the most 
important things in life. We are judged by the 
society we keep, therefore, it is wise to select the 
best. 

Mrs. Steadman had recovered some of her 
former cheerfulness, and at times was almost 
happy, but this could not last. The bright rays 
of hope and light that now gleamed upon their 
pathway would only serve to make the coming 
nights of sorrow darker. 

Six months after Mrs. Steadman and Clifton 
had been established in their new home the post- 
man brought them one evening a black-bordered 
letter. Their first thoughts were of Mr. Steadman 
but the letter was from Mrs. Gladwell, and was as 
follows : 

My dear Sister — It is with a sad and contrite 
heart that I write you. My precious Laverne has 
passed beyond the pearly gates and left us discon- 
solate. She had a congestive chill from which she 
never rallied, although everything the most skilled 
physicians could do was done for her. 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. IOg 

She was the light and joy of our home, and 
she has left us shrouded in gloom. I cannot feel 
reconciled to my loss. Look where I may there 
is something to remind me of her. She asked to 
see Clifton just before she died, but it was too late 
to send for him. They were such good friends, I 
wish she could have seen him. Pray for us, dear 
sister, that He who “tempers the winds to the 
shorn lamb” may have mercy upon us and unite 
us in heaven. Your affectionate sister, 

Mary. 

Mrs. Steadman and Clifton had read the letter 
together, and when they fully realized that Laverne 
was dead their grief was very great. Clifton, was 
inconsolable, and wept as if his heart would break. 

‘ ‘ Why did they not send for me ? Oh, mother, 
how can I endure this ? How can God be merci- 
ful and thus afflict me ? 

‘ Come, obscure death, 

And wind me in thy all-embracing arms ! 

Like a fond mother, hide me in thy bosom, 

And rock me to the sleep from which none awake ! ’ ” 


I IO 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


“ Ah, my son, the frozen current of your soul 
will soon melt and become warm and genial, and 
life will yet be happy to you. God often afflicts 
us to teach us that we cannot depend upon our- 
selves, but must to Him and follow wherever He 
leads us. Laverne is not dead. The good can 
never die. She will live in your memory and her 
spirit will be a beacon light to guide your foot- 
steps in the path of virtue. No, Clifton, she is 
not dead. 

‘ There is no death ! The stars go down 
To shine upon some fairer shore, 

And bright in Heaven’s jeweled crown 
They shine forever more. 

There is no death ! The leaves may fall, 

The flowers may fade and pass away ; 

They only wait through wintry hours 
The coming of the May! ’ ” 

“Mother, I feel that if I could go to the 
church-yard where they have laid Laverne and 
pour my sorrow out where her lingering spirit may 
behold, I feel that I would find relief.” 

“No, no, Clifton. 

‘To stand beside that new-made mound, and feel 

That within that cell is locked forever up 


/ < 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. I I I 

The precious honey, gathered drop by drop 
From out the fairest flower-fields of your soul ; 

Low and desolate to cast yourself, 

In this white city of the silent, down 
Beside that cold, forbidding marble door, 

And feel yourself forever shut away 

From that which was your dearest and your own ; 

To know, however earnestly you knock, 

That door will ne’er be opened unto you ; 

To know the dweller there will never step 
Beyond the boundary of that cruel gate ; 

To know, howe’er you plead, no lip therein 
Will break into its old accustomed smile, 

The folded hands stretch out no welcoming, 

The fastened eyelids will never lift themselves 
Again in answering anguish or glad love, 

From out the frozeD bondage of their sleep, 

Would give you but a strange, cold pang of woe.’ 

Clifton, as the years roll by you will find this, 
love to be perishing - , and that your heart, like the 
tendrils of some vine, will twine itself around some 
other heart. ” 

“Ah, no, dear mother; I would rather be a 
slave and do the bidding of a tyrant master than 
to try and feed upon the hope that my love will 
revive. Love, like the tender flower when once 
withered, can never be made to bloom again. 
The tears of affection and the hand of kindness 


12 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


may warm it into life again, but that vigor and life 
that made it strong will be gone. The brightness 
of the eyes will be faded, and often while alone we 
will somehow wander back in memory’s path 
searching for the smile that first made us feel what 
it was to love ; yet we may know the sweet face 
that bore that smile is cold in death — memory, in 
spite of reason, will take us back to the scene and 
to the hour where we first felt the influence of 
love.” 

“ It may, Clifton, for awhile; but when we 
have submitted to a stroke of fate like this, when 
we have taken our sorrow to the Lord, and be- 
lieving with an unfaltering faith that He will endure 
it all for us, and asking Him to pour the balm of 
mercy upon our broken hearts, he will heal every 
wound. Take these words with you wherever 
you go and you will find a sweet comfort in them : 
‘ Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be 
comforted.’ 

‘ The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, 
blessed be the name of the Lord.’ 


\ 

OR, a madman’s confession. I 13 

‘ Trust in the Lord, do good, and verily thou 
shalt be fed. ’ 

“Then, Clifton, those who mourn are not 
only to be comforted, but they are to be blessed. 
Clifton, do as I have always done, take all your 
sorrows to the Lord ; He will strengthen and up- 
hold you. When you have finished this life and 
completed the purpose for which God gave it, you 
will be taken to that happy home where parting 
never comes — where we shall dwell forever with 
the blessed. 

It is sweet, my boy, to meet above, 

To meet and part no more, 

To meet the faithful friends we loved 
In this dark world below.” 

“Mother, my heart is so crushed and broken 
now that I feel it would be impossible to lay aside 
this affliction, but I shall look to God and ask him 
to sustain me. Your sweet words have given me 
some relief. I know that God will help us to bear 
our troubles. I have always noticed that when 
you were most afflicted that you prayed most, and 

I do not believe that tender heart of yours would 

8 


I 14 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

r 

have survived these cruel strokes of fate without 
strength and courage from above.” 

This was the first dark shadow that had ever 
fallen upon the life of Clifton. He had been 
cumbered with many cares for one of his years, 
but all former troubles, when compared with this, 
lost their significance. 

When Clifton repaired to his room that night 
he locked the door, and, opening his trunk, took 
from it many little tokens of Laverne’s affection. 
He read every note she had ever written him, and 
his feelings became so worked up that he drifted 
into a state of desperation. He resolved to end 
his miserable existence. He wrote a note to 
leave upon his table, which was to explain the 
cause of his death to his mother. But just as he 
was in the act of placing a knife to his breast, he 
heard some one tapping at his door. He hur- 
riedly threw the knife out of sight and unlocked 
the door and found it to be his mother, who said : 
“Clifton, why do you not retire. I have heard 
you walking the floor for several hours. Kiss me 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 115 

good night, my boy, I feel sorry for you. Ask 
God to comfort and bless you before you retire. ” 

He kissed his mother, and closing the door, 
took his seat. He was halting between two opin- 
ions. He thought of his mother and how sad her 
fate would be should he leave her in the world 
alone to battle for herself. On the other hand, 
to drag out such a miserable existence as he had 
pictured his to be, he thought was more than he 
could endure. 

He remembered having heard his mother say 
that those who died by their own hands could 
never enter the portals of Heaven. That decided 
him. He would 'live for his mother; and go forth 
in the world and establish a name. 

When Clifton arose the following morning he 
felt so much relieved that he resumed his business. 
His sad expression was observed by all his friends 
in the store, and it was the means of exciting the 
sympathy of his friend, Earnest Burton. The 
warmest friendship had sprung up between Clifton 
and Earnest. They were in the same store and 


II 6 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

were constantly thrown together. Clifton unfold- 
ed to him his new sorrow. Earnest paid him 
every attention that he could ; assisted him in his 
work, and was so pleasant and congenial that 
Clifton felt he had been truly blessed in finding 
such a kind, noble and worthy friend. 

I will now introduce to my readers the Burton 
family. Mr. Burton was one of the first men of 
Gunville. He had been successful in business, 
and was genial and hospitable, and a kind, Chris- 
tian gentleman. He had two reasons for taking 
Mrs. Steadman to board. One was the sympathy 
he had for her, the other for the good influence 
she would have upon his children. 

Mrs. Burton was a mild lady, quite fashionable, 
but a pure Christian. Their oldest child, Earnest, 
was not so brilliant in intellect as his parents could 
have wished, but was a manly, upright boy, and 
bade fair to make a good business man. 

Lallie, who was two years Earnest’s junior, 
was all that her fond parents could have wished 
her to be. The beauty of her form and face were 


OR, a madman’s confession. I 17 

‘only rivalled by the beauties of her mind. Her 
loving parents had lavished upon her every advan- 
tage within their power, and she was now in the 
bloom of youth and beauty. 

There were three other children, Mary, Joe and 
Arthur, aged respectively, eleven, nine and seven 
years. This composed the happy family in which 
Mrs. Steadman and Clifton had been so fortunate 
as to have their abode for the past six months. 
Truly their lives had fallen in pleasant places, yet 
they were not perfectly happy. There was still 
that shadow hanging over them. A drunken hus- 
band and father. And now they had yet another 
sorrow to add to the one which was already so 
hard to bear. 














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CHAPTER VI. 


“ His Resolve 

Upbore him, and firm faith, and evermore 
Prayer from a living source within the will, 

And beating up through all the bitter world, 

Like fountains of sweet water in the sea, 

Kept him a living soul.” 

Clifton resolved that he would never die by his 
•own hands, and he prayed earnestly to God to 
sustain him. He was resolved that he would give 
himself to God and connect himself with the 
church. He found that he could bear his trouble 
better, and felt that if he could never meet Laverne 
on earth, he would live so that when he was called 
from earth and its sorrows, he would meet her 
where there is no parting. 

Clifton’s life began to brighten again. The sor- 
rows that had fallen so thick and fast upon his 
young life had given him a sad but sweet expres- 
sion, and a gentleness of tone and manner. Being 
now constantly employed through the day, and at 


120 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


night surrounded with such happy associates, and 
seeing his mother so much better contented, Clifton 
felt that he had at last been blessed. He, Earnest 
and Lallie would assemble in the sitting room after 
supper very often and engage in plays of some 
kind until bed-time. Lallie knew of the death of 
Laverne, and without ever referring to her, she 
did all in her power to divert his attention from his 
trouble. She could not endure to see any one sad. 

One night, after supper was over, Clifton and 
Lallie were in the sitting room alone. Earnest 
and the other children had gone with their mother 
and Mrs. Steadman to visit a neighbor, and as 
Clifton did not want to go Lallie consented to stay 
with him till they returned. Lallie was extremely 
entertaining; she was very fond of literature, and 
could converse with Clifton better upon this sub- 
ject, and seemed to enjoy it more than any young 
lady he had ever met. 

During the course of conversation Clifton asked: 
her did she think that any one could ever recover 
from disappointed love,' to which she replied: 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


21 


‘‘Well, Mr. Steadman, I think this depends 
greatly upon the nature of the affection, and the 
capability of the one who meets with such a mis- 
fortune. There are people who do not love wisely 
because they love extravagantly. With those the 
tender emotion becomes too violent to be lasting. 
There are others who are such lovers of novelty 
that they find new beauty in the face of every one 
they meet. They have no capability for love, and 
a reverse in their affection would be of little con- 
sequence. But take a person of earnest disposi- 
tion, who looks more at the virtues of the one he 
is about to select to bestow his affection upon,* 
who is slow and cautious in the bestowal of his 
esteem, and his affection will, I think, invariably 
prove lasting, because one that is slow to form an 
opinion will be slow to change it.” 

Clifton had not referred to this question in a 
way that would cause Lallie to suspect that he had 
been disappointed in love. The subject had sprang 
iuvoluntarily in the course of conversation, and 
without answering or commenting upon what she 


122 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


had said, he remarked: “Well then, Lallie, do 
you think it is well for one who has lost the object 
of his love by death to try to become insensible to 
a similar feeling in future?” 

‘ ‘ No, I do not. I think a man’s affection must 
be quite shallow that can be exhausted with one 
bestowal. It is natural to be grieved at the loss 
of esteem, and no true heart can bear the loss of 
affection without sorrow ; but to go through life 
with a broken heart from such a cause would, I 
think, show 

‘ A heart unfortified, an understanding 
Simple and unschooled.’ 

Mr. Steadman, I suppose you have read Shelley?” 

“Yes, and with great pleasure.” 

“ Well you remember in his Epipsychidion he 
says : 

‘ Narrow is 

The heart, that loves, the brain that contemplates, 

The life that wears, the spirit that creates, 

One object and one form, and builds thereby 

A sepulchre for its eternity.’ ” 

“Yes, and N. P. Wdllis, equally as good author- 
ity, says: 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 123 

‘ Man may bear with suffering; his heart 
Is a strong thing, and God-like in the grasp 
Of pain that wrings mortality; but tear 
One chord affection clings to, part one tie 
That binds him unto woman’s delicate love, 

And his great spirit yieldeth like a reed.’ 

But, Lallie,’ I am inclined to be of your opinion; 

I think that when the tendrils of affection have 

been torn from the object to which it clung, it will 

seek another support and cling the fonder, as the 

interruption will only serve to sweeten the joys of 

its new life — its new support.” 

More than a year had elapsed since Laverne’s 
death, and Clifton had become entirely reconciled 
to his loss. He and Lallie were congenial in their 
tastes and had become fast friends. His admira- 
tion of her accomplishments were unbounded, and 
having similar tastes they spent many pleasant 
hours together. 

Mr. Burton’s library was large and well selected. 
Many of the books had been bought for Lallie, 
and the library was considered hers, as she was 
the only literary child of the family. 

Whei^ Mrs. Steadman, Mrs. Burton and the 


124 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

children returned they found Clifton and Lallie at 
the library looking at the books. When Clifton 
retired that night he could not sleep. There was 
a strange feeling pervading his heart. He won- 
dered why his affection had gone out to Lallie, 
and why he had become reconciled to the loss of 
Laverne. He knew he could love Lallie with 
propriety, she suited him so well, and he knew 
that the love he had cherished for Laverne was 
wrong. 

Clifton realized that it would be impossible for 
him not to love Lallie, and this night’s conversa- 
tion with her had kindled a flame within his breast 
that would grow brighter as the days rolled by. 
He now realized that the feeling he had for Laverne 
was not a natural love, but only a boyish fancy, 
which he had nourished more in his imagination 
than in his heart. Laverne had been a constant 
companion, noble, lovely and pure, and Clifton 
was lonely and sad. 

If the heart be oppressed let kindness be shown, 

And it will kindle the fire of love in the breast; 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 1 25 

For the heart becomes tender whenever it mourns, 
And goes searching for some one to love and caress. 

Like the young bird blown by the storm from its nest, 
It will cling just as close to the nest of some other, 

And nestle the same to any warm breast, 

As to the breast of its own tender mother. — Gary. 

Clifton compared his life to a long night of 
darkness, which vanishing, gives place to the beau- 
tiful sunshine of a perfect day. Mr. Lapell had 
become very much attached to Clifton, and made 
him chief clerk of his store. 

Mrs. Steadman was apparently happy, though 
she bore a silent sorrow which none but Clifton 
could appreciate. She had heard several times 
from her husband, but not by letter, and when she 
heard from him it was always something to grieve 
her. She had given him up as a hopeless inebri- 
ate, and was determined to bear all her sorrow 
silently and do the best she could ; yet at times she 
felt that her heart would break when she thought 
of her once noble husband tramping about the 
country almost in rags. She had seen from a pa- 
per that Mr. Steadman had been arrested for theft, 


6l6 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

and that he was under the assumed name of Wil- 
liam Proctor, not so much to cover what few 
crimes he had committed while drunk; but even 
in his depravity he had some respect for the feel- 
ings of his wife and son, and he had taken an 
alias to prevent those whom he met from knowing 
him as William G. Steadman, a once noble and 
happy man who had been a friend to the poor and 
a father to the orphan, and who was highly cul- 
tured and refined. In the days of his prosperity 
none would have thought it possible for such a 
noble and worthy character to have thus fallen. 

But, alas ! there is many a home equally as 
happy as his, and many a heart as true and gener- 
ous, that has been wrecked and ruined by the rum 
fiend. There is no home that it cannot darken ; 
there is no heart that it cannot drive to sin and 
crime, and there is no mind that it cannot dement. 
Its very name is suggestive of contamination and 
misery. It is a two-fold injury: it injures those 
who use it, and it injures helpless and defenceless 
mothers, wives and children. There cannot be a 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 12 J 

more vivid picture of ruin and misery than the 
once happy home brought to sadness and suffering 
by the .influence of this awful curse. Under its 
influence the brightness of a mother’s smile, the 
bloom of her fair cheek, will fade and disappear 
like the delicate hues of some tender flower that 
has been plucked by rude hands and thrown be- 
neath the feet to be trampled in the dust. The 
merry voices of sweet and innocent youth have 
been hushed, and the bright smiles on their faces 
have changed to a sickly, solemn mien by the in- 
fluence of this soul destroyer. Then tell me not 
it is a balm for broken hearts. Every care it buries 
rises again, bringing with it ten thousand more. 

Then “it is better to bear the ills we have” 
than suffer those which rum will bring. It has 
filled prisons with murderers. It has kindled a 
thousand fires. It has driven wise men mad, and 
has robbed ten thousand trusting hearts of pure 
and sacred love. Then tell me not, O, man ! made 
in the image of thy God, that it is a panacea for 
the pain that sorrow brings. 


28 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


Mrs. Steadman had one hope to sustain her. 
She believed God would reclaim her husband and 
send him back to her. With all his faults she still 
had a place in her heart for him. Through all her 
humiliation and sorrow Clifton had proven a noble, 
affectionate son. He was now rising in the world 
and would be a strong support for her to lean upon 
in the days of her infirmity. 

Mr. Lapell had given him almost entire control 
of his business, for he had discovered that he pos- 
sessed great executive ability, and he also felt that 
it was his duty to do all in his power for Clifton, 
as his prosperity was the price of Mr. Steadman’s 
downfall. 

Clifton was developing into manhood and had 
become one of the most popular young men in 
Gunville. He had studied hard during all his 
leisure hours and was now qualified to adorn the 
very highest circles of society. He was polished 
in his manners and was very brilliant and fluent in 
conversation. He had grown tall and large, and 
was very erect and dignified, graceful in his 


OR, a madman’s confession. 129 

movements, handsome in form, and his head 
Avas symmetrically proportioned. He had black 
hair and brown eyes, was neat in his dress but 
not dudish ; he had overcome his former reticence 
and was very entertaining, but not in the least in- 
clined to flirtation, and cherished an utter con- 
tempt for the arrant flirt. While he knew he had 
few peers he never appeared the least pedantic, 
but was always reserved and unassuming in the 
display of his intellect, and was admired by all 
classes. The attributes of his character were so 
beautifully blended that he seemed more like the 
hero of some lovely romance than a character in 
real life. 


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CHAPTER VII. 


“Good evening, Mr. Steadman. Walk in; I was 
practicing the new piece of music you brought me 
last evening,” said Lallie, as she rose hurriedly 
from the piano. 

“ Do not allow me to interrupt you, be seated 
and play some for me, I am passionately fond of 
music. I think the piece is perfectly lovely, and 
you execute it well.” 

“Thank you; I, too, think it is pretty, but it 
is very difficult to render.” 

Clifton placed the stool to the piano, which 
had displaced as she rose to invite him in, and 
while he stood by her turning the music he could 
scarcely keep his eyes on the music, they would 
involuntarily seek to feast themselves upon the 
loveliness of his companion. Her dark brown 
hair and lilly-like complexion harmonized with her 
lovely blue eyes, and, added to the rare grace of 


132 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


her person, were suggestive of Venus, the fabled 
goddess of love, grace and beauty. She was 
dressed in an evening costume of some gauze-like 
material that Clifton thought the most becoming 
he had ever seen her wear. 

After Lallie had completed the piece of music 
Clifton thanked her, and gazed at her intently 
without seeming to be conscious of what he fvas 
doing. 

“Why do you gaze upon me so, Mr. Stead- 
man? You really embarrass me.” 

“ Should I tell you you will not, I trust, become 
offended? ” 

“Certainly I would not become offended to 
have you answer a direct question.” 

“If I embarrass you by gazing at you, I 
might embarrass you more by telling you why I 
did so.” 

Lallie blushed, for she felt that he was referring 
to something that she did not intend to make him 
tell her. 

“ Well, Lallie, to answer your question forces 


OR, A MADMAN S CONFESSION. 


133 


me to appear premature in something that I had 
thought to reveal more clearly by my actions than 
I have done. Why I gazed so earnestly was be- 
cause I love you — yes, love you more than my 
own life, and since you have unintentionally forced 
me to tell you this, I think you will be generous 
enough to pardon my seeming presumption, and 
not think me premature or judge me unkindly.” 

“I shall not judge you unkindly, Mr. Stead- 
man, but I am indeed surprised, and can but think 
you are mistaken in your feelings. You have 
loved so many that I think you will find it difficult 
to determine who you love or whether you love at 
all.” 

Clifton’s face flushed crimson and his eyes 
flashed anger, but he controlled himself enough 
to say : 

“ ‘ I’ll swear by the stars above, 

That shine so bright— so clearly, 

That I before have never loved 
A woman half so dearly.’ 

Lallie, I certainly think you have judged me very 
unkindly. Your language demands an apology. 


34 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


You seem to think that I possess no capability for 
love, and you charge me with inconstancy; all of 
which is not only unkind, but extremely unjust. 
You have offended a heart that lays no claim to 
perfection, but one that does lay claim to honor 
and true manly principle. There are things that 
I might be influenced to do, but that of which you 
accuse me is most foreign and offensive to my 
sense of honor. You have indirectly accused me 
of being one of those who would ruthlessly deal 
with the affections of another. Had you accused 
me of theft, of murder, or the darkest and most 
diabolical deed that stains the annals of crime, you 
could not have incensed me more. I can point to 
my past life with a clear conscience in matters of 
this kind. You do not regard me as a gentleman, 
therefore, I cannot ever expect you to regard me 
as a friend, and I shall never trouble you with my 
presence again. Had a proffer of affection been 
made you by some of the fashionable, shallow- 
brained fops of the city, you would have felt more 
flattered than by the offer of an honest heart’s esteem 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 1 35 

Lallie interrupted him, and said with emphasis : 
““ I am utterly at a loss to understand the real pur- 
port of your language. I readily observe now that 
I spoke too hastily, and really I did not mean to 
say just what I did. I had been told by a friend 
that you were a flirt, and to beware of you. I in- 
tended to tell you what I had heard of you, and 
not to tell you that I believed it, for I do not. I 
do not think it becoming in any young lady to 
tell a gentleman how she regards him ; but rather 
than have you misjudge me I shall make this 
breach of propriety. I consider you a true and 
genuine gentleman ; and, of course, you appreciate 
the fact that the term gentleman comprehends 
every attribute of character that adorns human 
nature. So I throw myself upon your mercy for 
pardon. It has been said : ‘ To err is human, to 
forgive divine, and he who forgives most shall be 
most forgiven.’ Now, permit me to assure you, 
Mr. Steadman, ‘ that the head and front of my 
offendings hath that extent no more’. As to the 
latter part of your accusation I wish to say, that 


136 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

you have as unkindly judged me in my fancy for 
the ‘ fashionable shallow-brained fops’, as you call 
them, as you seem to think I had misunderstood 
you in regarding you a flirt, and I shall expect 
you to retract this, for I know it to be untrue. I 
may pass my time with those young men very 
pleasantly. They have been very attentive to me, 
and I could not be so very rude and unladylike as 
to treat them discourteously. I know that some 
of them have plenty of money and few brains, but 
some of them are real gentlemen, but when it 
comes to admiring them for their wealth alone I 
think you judge me rather harshly to think that 
their appearance or possessions could elicit my 
affections.” 

Clifton took her little hand and said : “ Lallie, 

I could not hesitate to forgive you, since you so* 
readily forgive me. I am sorry indeed that I ac- 
cused you of admiring the fop or dude. You 
know that when we are angry we speak extrava- 
gantly. I, of course, know that many of those 
young men and ladies in high life are the highest 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. I 3 J 

types of genuine nobleness. Genuine nobleness 
of heart cannot be altered by all the wealth of the 
world. When true nobility is found among the 
rich it is elevating, and will extend the hand of 
comfort to suffering poverty. The world may feel 
its influence. And though we may find it in the 
humble hovel, and hid beneath the tattered gar- 
ments of some poor laboring wight, it is still the 
same nobility of character. Ah, it is an insignia 
for all degrees of life ; it is a bond of fraternal 
strength and tenderness. No, I am not one of 
those who believe that there is nothing good in the 
character of the elite.” 

Some jealous creature had been realigning him, 
thinking that they would rob him of all chance of 
winning Lallie’s affection, but their nefarious pur- 
pose was not accomplished, as the spirited resent- 
ment and refutation Clifton offered to the accusation 
served to impress upon her the idea that the report 
she had heard of him was untrue, and fully pre- 
pared her mind to accept a proffer of his hand. 
“ Lallie, I do not feel that cold formality should 


138 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

stand between us, then tell me this little hand shall 
be mine. 

‘ I would give youth, beauty, fame and splender, 

My all of life, my every hope resign, 

To make in that young heart one feeling tender, 

To clasp this little hand and call it mine.’ ” 

“ Mr. Steadman, you take me so much by sur- 
prise that I shall have to ask time to consider this 
before I give you an answer.” 

“ Why do you wish to consider it? Have you 
not known me sufficiently long to determine my 
character? I was first introduced to you by a gen- 
tleman of prominence in our city who had known 
me all my life.” 

“Yes, I know all this, and am fully satisfied 
of your worthiness of character, but I wish to con- 
sider the question because it is a sacred one, and 
one that no true lady or gentleman should hastily 
decide. ” 

“ I appreciate all this, Lallie, but to relieve my 
heart of the excruciating pain of suspense can you 
not give me one single hope to cherish? Can you 
not tell me that you will try to love me ? Lallie, 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


39 


look up at me and tell me that I may claim your 
heart. I love you too tenderly to persuade you to 
do wrong - , but could there be any wrong in your 
telling me that you love me, if you feel that you 
do ? I know you are young and timid, and it may 
be embarrassing, but for the sake of one who 
would die for you, and who loves you more ten- 
derly than your own mother, will you not make 
this slight compromise in your opinion of pro- 
priety? Tell me that you will give me the affec- 
tion of your young heart, and make a life that has 
always been sad joyous and happy.” 

“Mr. Steadman, I really think you are too 
persistent, and I feel that you have no occasion to 
suffer suspense, for I have never indicated any 
feeling that would have caused you to think for a 
moment that I disliked you, and you are con- 
stantly with me. I would so much prefer reveal- 
ings by actions than by words, and I ask you not 
to press me for an answer.” 

“Can you not give me the slightest encourage- 


ment? ” 


140 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

“Wait patiently, desire moderately, and all 
that you reasonably hope for may be accom- 
plished.” 

“Lallie, tell me how I am to wait patiently 
when the waiting is to afflict me with a suspense 
that is truly painful ? How am I to desire moder- 
ately when that which I desire is paramount to 
everything else in life — more valuable than all the 
gems that lay buried beneath the bosom of the 
deep — more beautiful than the ‘ gorgeous glitter of 
a crown,’ more beautiful than Aurora’s golden 
beams glittering upon the dews of night. Yes, 
more valuable is that which I desire than all these 
— the sacred love of woman’s noble heart. Then 
tell me not to ‘ wait patiently and desire moder- 
ately ! ’ ” 

“ Mr. Steadman, I appreciate your estimation 
of woman’s love. There are few men capable of 
knowing just what is comprehended in the ques- 
tion, give me thine heart? It means, go with me 
through all the dark hours of life, it means to suf- 
fer for another’s sake, it means that when that 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. I4I 

heart for which you ask grows old that it is to be 
as lovely as in its youth, and that its age will give 
it both strength and beauty, it means that when 
that heart is still and cold in death that we shall 
honor the memory of its love and watch for its 
spirit to beckon us to that eternal realm of light 
where it has gone to dwell forever. Love, like 
the soul, is immortal, and when death lays its 
chilling hand upon the heart of love it then be- 
comes the life and spirit of the soul, and goes on 
to dwell with it in eternity. It is the music of 
souls that gather around the throne of God.” 

“Yes, Lallie, love is sweet ; it is purifying and 
beautiful. It is the grandest attribute of the 
human heart, a radiant light that guides our foot- 
steps in virtue’s path. Pluck it from the heart of 
man and he becomes a brute ; take it from the 
heart of woman and she no longer inspires our ad- 
miration. Then, Lallie, do you not believe that I 
would treasure the affection of your heart ?” 

“ I believe that you would, Mr. Steadman.” 

“Then why do you withhold it from me?” 


142 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS ; 


“ Have I said that I withheld it?” 

“You have not spoken it, but you have very 
plainly demonstrated it. Now, Lallie, forgive me 
for entreating so earnestly, but tell me that this 
hand shall be mine, and that your heart, with all 
of its sacred love, shall be mine.” 

She raised her head, and gazing into his large 
brown eyes, said : 

“Mr. Steadman, I do not wish to afflict you, 
but I cannot give you the answer that you desire 
to-night.” 

“ Then I cannot hope for you to do so in the 
future, can I ?” 

“ I will tell you some other time. I can not 
tell you now without making a compromise with 
my sense of propriety, and this I know you would 
not have me do.” 

“ I do not consider this propriety. It is cold 
formality, and I really think you have little regard 
for my feelings to defer your answer. I shall not 
afflict you with this question again if you feel that 
you cannot answer it to-night.” 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 1 43 

“ Well, Mr. Steadman, you may exercise your 
own pleasure in this, but I wish to assure you that 
you are not afflicting me with this question. I 
shall duly consider it and answer when I think I 
have weighed it sufficiently to answer correctly. 
I know you expect me to deal honorably with 
you, and I shall do this, whether you expect it or 
not. Were I to tell you that I loved you to-night 
and find in the future that I did not, and then have 
to tell you so, would be worse than have you wait 
and tell you I did not love you ; for in the former 
you would have cause to charge me with dishonor, 
and in the latter you would be forced to commend 
me for my candor and honesty. In the future I 
might be able to answer your question as you de- 
sire, but to-night I cannot.” 

“Then you mean to say that you will not.” 

“ Well, yes, I will not because I cannot.” 

“ You, no doubt, feel that you are justified in 
deferring your answer, but I cannot see the neces- 
sity of it. Were I a stranger to you then you 
would have some excuse for postponing your de- 


144 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


cision, but you have known me quite a while, and 
I cannot see why you wish to further consider the 
question.” 

“Mr. Steadman, it is the question I wish to 
consider, and not that I wish to know more of 
you. I know you sufficiently to form an opinion 
of you, but I have not considered this question in 
any way.” 

“This being the case, I will try to wait till you 
can tell. Do you think you can tell me to-morrow 
night, and will you go with me out to the park?” 

“It is probable that I can, and I will be 
delighted to go to the park.” 

Clifton looked at his watch and found it was 
half past ten o’clock, which he know was bed 
time, and he also knew that Mrs. Burten did not 
allow Lallie to entertain later than ten. He re- 
marked that he was keeping her up too late, and 
after hesitating a moment asked her to kiss him. 
She said indignantly : 

“Mr. Steadman, I thought you regarded me 
a lady. No, I cannot kiss you, and you have 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 145 

seriously offended me by asking me to do so.” 

“I did not intend to give offense, and most 
humbly beg your forgiveness. You are so very 
lovely to-night, and I love you so devotedly that 
I could not refrain from speaking toyou as I 
did.” 

“ No love that you could have for me, and 
none that I could cherish for you, would justify 
me in doing such a thing. If we were to be 
married to-morrow I could not be persuaded to 
kiss you to-night. You may think strange of this, 
but I would not. Every person has a right to his 
opinion of propriety, whether it accords with the 
opinions of others or not. You must never ask 
me this again, for if you do you will certainly 
incur my displeasure to such an extent that you 
will regret it.” 

“Lallie, you certainly know that I could not 
have asked you this had I regarded it the least 
improper. Please accept my apology. Lallie, it 
is growing very late and I cannot keep you up any 
later, so good night.” 


10 


146 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

“Good night, Mr. Steadman, I hope you will 
rest well. ” 

“Thank you, Lallie, I shall rest well for I know 
I will dream of thee; and Lallie, think of what 
you have promised to tell me to-morrow night.” 

Clifton slowly retired from the parlor and left 
Lallie standing by the piano. He had earnestly 
hoped that she would promise to love him. It was 
his intention to marry her just as soon as he could 
win her affection. Mrs. Steadman, and in fact, all 
of Mr. Burton’s family, had observed his fondness 
for her, and Mrs. Steadman was delighted to see 
him bestow his affections upon some one, for he 
had been so unhappy in his affection for Laverne,. 
or rather his fancy for her. 

The feeling he had for Lallie was indeed a 
mature affection without limit. She had only one 
fault in his estimation. She was not as true a 
Christian as he desired her to be. He would like 
to see her as warmly devoted to God’s service as 
his noble mother was, and he had often thought 
he would talk to her about this. She was not so 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 1 47 

worldly-minded as the majority of young ladies of 
her age, but she was full of vivacity, and fond of 
dancing ancf going to operas, which was contrary 
to his estimation of a true, devout christion. 

Mrs. Steadman had won great reputation as a 
teacher, and Mr. Burton’s family had become per- 
fectly devoted to her. Mr. and Mrs. Stanley were 
good friends, and frequently called to see her and 
Clifton. Mr. Stanley never lost sight of them in 
the rush and excitement incident to his extensive 
practice. He was one of the noblest and truest of 
men. He had repeatedly importuned Clifton to 
study law under him ; had offered him free access 
to his library, and to give him all the instruction 
in his power, but Clifton could be persuaded to 
pursue law as a profession because it was not con- 
genial to his taste. He had decided to become a 
merchant, as his experience with Mr. Lapell, as a 
salesman, had given him a fondness for that occu- 
pation. He once thought of becoming a clergy- 
man, but he did not consider his education suffi- 
cient to justify him in pursuing this sacred calling. 


I48 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

Mrs. Steadman had heard that her husband had 
left the country and gone to the west. Mr. Stan- 
ley had seen him just before he was tS leave, and 
tried to persuade him to reform and go back to his 
family, but he had become so degraded that he 
had lost all principle and all love for his boy and 
his noble wife. Ah ! what a miserable wreck. 
His eyes were red and swollen, his face bloated, 
his beard neglected, and his general appearance 
that of a worthless drunken tramp. His own wife 
would scarcely have recognized him. What a 
vivid picture of ruin ! Character all gone, man- 
hood wasted. It was enough to cause every one 
who beheld him to dash the wine cup from their 
lips as they would the deadly hemlock. 

But, ah ! is this all ? No. Behold the true 
and noble hearts that it breaks ; hearts that are 
thirsting for the love that was plighted in other, 
happier days, love that was sworn to be eternal. 
Then let none imagine there is comfort in the wine 
cup. There may be a sparkling beauty upon its 
surface, but there is death, ruin, shame and dis- 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 1 49 

honor concealed beneath. Then beware of its 
deadly fascination ! 

Those who knew William G. Steadman in his 
palmy and happy days would never have thought 
it possible for him to have become so degraded 
and wrecked. But the rum fiend often selects the 
brightest gems to manifest gems to manifest its 
destructive influence. Then why is it that men of 
wisdom will cling to the cup when they see it lead- 
ing them with precipitating force down to the very 
jaws of hell. When it has brought them to 
the very verge of the yawning sepulchre, and 
points them to its awaiting embrace, and tells 
them to choose while they may, they turn their 
backs, and with eyes fixed upon loved ones, and 
upon life and happiness, go down, down to a 
drunkard’s grave, a drunkard’s hell. 

























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1 


CHAPTER VIII. 

How beautiful this night ! The balmiest sigh 
Which vernal zephyrs breathe in evening’s ear 
Were discord to the speaking quietude 
That wraps this moveless scene. Heaven’s ebon vault, 
Studded with stars unutterably bright, 

Through which the moon’s unclouded grandeur rolls 
Seems like a canopy which love has spread 
To curtain her sleeping world.” — Shelley. 

When Lallie and Clifton had taken their seats 
in the park Clifton quoted the above from Shelley’s 
“Queen Mab.” Lallie looked more beautiful than 
ever, and Clifton felt an emotion that he had never 
before experienced. Clifton thus continued to 
speak in admiration of the beauties of the night in 
his own simple rhymes : 

“ The moon’s bright rays are gently beaming 
Upon the lovely brow of night, 

And when thus I view it there is a feeling 
That fills my soul with a sweet delight. 

There is not one cloud to obstruct a ray 
Of her fair and lucid beams ; 

Her light did ne’er more gently play 
Viewed from the blissful land of dreams.” 


I 5 2 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS ; 

Clifton was gazing upon the moon while he 
repeated his simple verses 1 , and when he had fin- 
ished he turned, and looking deliberately at Lallie, 
said : 

“Lallie, do you remember what you promised 
to tell me to-night? ” 

She blushingly hung her head and said : 

“What was it ? ” 

“Why, Lallie! Was your promise to me of 
such little moment that you have so soon forgotten 
it? You told me that to-night you would tell me 
whether I might ever hope for a reciprocation of 
my love for you. ” 

“Did I really tell you this, Mr. Steadman?”' 

“You certainly did or I would not have said 
so.” 

“Well, I wish I had not made that promise.”' 

“Then you do not love me, and never intend 
to, I suppose.” 

“I did not say that, Mr. Steadman.” 

“Then why do you wish that you had not 
promised to answer me to night?” 


OR, a madman’s confession. 153 

“Well, for this reason; as I previously told 
you, this I regard as a very sacred question, and I 
wish to be very cautious in every thought that I 
give it.” 

“Well, Lallie, you have had sufficient time to 
consider this question, and furthermore, you have 
had the opportunity of learning every element in 
my character. I do not wish to worry you with 
this question, nor have you violate your sense of 
propriety, but since you have promised to answer 
me to-night, and since you know me as you do, I 
shall not only be disappointed, but I shall feel 
hurt if you do not answer me to-night.” 

“Mr. Steadman, will you not bear with me 
patiently in this ; I experience no pleasure in 
causing you suspense, but be patient and I shall 
deal honestly with you.” 

“Lallie, I have been patient indeed, to wait as 
1 have. I know you will deal honestly with me ; 
had I not thought so, I could never have loved 
you. Let me beg of you to answer to-night. Tell 
me that you love me and will be mine.” 


154 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

“It isn’t necessary for me to tell you, for I 
could love you without telling you so.” 

“ But how 'would I know it?” 

“Why I could demonstrate it more fully by 
my actions than by words, and I would not feel 
the embarrassment which I would by an open con- 
fession. ” 

“If you really love me, I cannot understand 
why you would experience the slightest embarrass- 
ment in telling me so. Lallie, I would not have 
you kneel at my feet or make any undue demon- 
strations, but I regard it a duty you owe me, and 
one you owe yourself, to tell me that you love me 
if you really do.” 

‘ ‘ I am sorry that we so widely differ in our 
opinions respecting this matter. Custom and pro- 
priety sanction an open confession of love in your 
sex but not in mine. There are things which you 
could do with propriety that would not be right at 
all for me to do. You cannot fail to see this if 
you will but reflect.” 

“Lallie, you know I love you, and I ask you 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 1 55 

to marry me. I am sure you would not permit 
me to think you love me unless you do. I shall 
strive to give you no occasion to regret the 
bestowal of your affection. The chief aim of my 
life shall be to provide for your comfort and make 
you happy. My life has always been sad — yes, 
from my earliest childhood I believe I have drank 
the cup of sorrow to its dregs, but now I have 
something to hope for — something to live for.” 

“Yes, your life has been one of many sorrows, 
and I do not think there is another young man of 
my acquaintance who would have endured it all as 
bravely as you have done. I know what your 
sorrows have been, and without any intention of 
flattery, I must say I think you deserve all the 
praise that could possibly be expressed.” 

“Thank you, Lallie; I appreciate your estima- 
tion of me, and hope that I will never under the 
most adverse circumstances prove myself unworthy 
of the good opinion you have of me. It is a great 
pleasure to me to receive this compliment. I care 
nothing for the compliment of being thought hand- 


156 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

some, but when I receive one to my character, and 
can feel that it is deserved, I always appreciate it. 

“I have so often observed that there is such 
wonderful influence exerted upon the heart by 
trouble or misfortune. It seems. to be the chief 
method that God employs to test us. There are 
many hearts too weak to bear up bravely under a 
heavy stroke of misfortune. They have no cour- 
age, nor have they any faith in God, and when He 
places a burden upon them, they sink beneath it 
and complain of His Injustice and become desper- 
ate, forgetting that ‘God loveth whom He chasten- 
eth.’ After one has been cumbered with care, 
and looking around them for relief, failing to find 
it, they look to God, and He heals the broken 
heart and gives them joy in resignation to His will 
that they would never have experienced had they 
always been blessed with a life of wealth. 

“ I am of the same opinion. I believe that the 
worst conditionto which we can be subjected, as 
far as our spiritual welfare is concerned, is to have 
every luxury and pleasure that life can afford. We 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 1 57 

feel no need of God’s assistance. This is support- 
ed and verified by holy writ. Agur, in the con- 
fession of his faith, you remember, says : ‘ Give 

me neither poverty nor riches, but feed me with 
food convenient for me, lest I be full and deny 
Thee and say, who is the Lord ?’ 

“Yes, he also asked that he be not poor, that 
he might not be tempted to steal. Riches and 
poverty are both great stumbling blocks to the 
progress of Christian life, but I do not consider 
that misfortune or trouble are, for this may come 
to either the rich or the poor, and it often leads 
them ‘to feel their dependence upon God’.” 

“ Lallie, I am glad to know you read the Bible, 
and that you have faith in God. I trust you will 
pardon me for saying so, but I have often thought 
that you never gave the salvation of your soul a 
thought, and wanted to talk to you on the subject, 
but was afraid I would give you offense. We 
will be more congenial to be of similar thought 
and feeling in reference to this great and important 
question. ” 


158 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

“ I cannot see why you had formed that opin- 
ion of me. I have always studied the Bible, and, 
of course, you know I was reared under religious 
influences. My father and mother both are warm 
and devout Christians.” 

“Yes, but you seem to be soTond of dancing 
and going to operas, and so full of fun and mis- 
chief. Now, I feel that I have the right to council 
you a little, and I want you to promise that you 
will never dance again, and stop going to operas. 
Will you make me that promise, Lallie ? It may 
be hard for you to promise this, but it would not 
if you thought of it as I do.” 

‘ ‘ I can really see no harm in these things. 
They are considered very harmless amusements ; 
but, as you desire it, I will promise that I will try 
to give them up. ” 

“Lallie, this is indeed a pleasant topic and a 
profitable one, but as it can be talked of at home, 
let us refer to the old subject. I brought you 
here for the purpose of asking you to marry me. 
You may consider me persistent, but I have no 


OR, a madman’s confession. 159 

other apology to offer than that I love you.” 

“Mr. Steadman, I thought you were satisfied 
with the encouragement I gave you, and I do not 
think you are manifesting much confidence in what 
I have said and what I have demonstrated to re- 
main in doubt.” 

“Then I shall not remain in doubt; but please 
excuse me for insisting upon an answer to-night. 
It is growing late, and we have but a short 
while to remain here, and another opportunity 
may not be offered us soon.” 

“ I am not prepared to answer to-night; I must 
consult mother first. ” 

“ Lallie, this is a question that you alone must 
decide. No one can select a life companion for 
you ; yet I fully appreciate the feeling you have 
about referring this to your parents, for we should 
never take any important step in life without seek- 
ing their advice. We should first make our choice 
and then seek our parents’ approval, but we should 
attempt to make a choice that they could ap- 
prove. I flatter myself with the belief that your 


i6o 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS ; 


parents could not have the slightest objection to 
me, for I have never given them cause to question 
my integrity.” 

“Yes, Mr. Steadman; l know that mother and 
father esteem you very highly, for I have often 
heard them speak of you in very flattering terms, 
but they may not be willing for me to marry any- 
one.” 

“ Well, will you promise me you will speak to 
your parents, and if they consent you will set the 
day for our marriage ? ” 

“ Why, Mr. Steadman! I certainly deem you 
very premature; I have not been afforded suffi- 
cient time to answer so soon as you insist.” 

While Clifton did not receive a direct promise 
from Lallie, yet he felt fully assured that all would 
be well with him in the future. 

Clifton had become the principal factor in Mr. 
Lapell’s store. The purchasing of all supplies was 
left entirely with him, and Mr. Lapell never took 
took stock in any new adventure or enterprise 
without first consulting Clifton, whose advice had 


OR, a madman’s confession. 161 

in every instance proved satisfactory and profita- 
ble. Clifton had for some time been sleeping 
ing at the store and taking his meals at an uptown 
hotel. This change was necessary since the in- 
crease of his business required more of his time, 
but he disliked it on account of being separated 
from Lallie and his mother. 

Mr. Stanley had again importuned Clifton to 
take up the study of law, but Clifton felt that the 
mercantile business suited him best, and, as Mr. 
Lapell had promised to give him a small start in 
business, he could not consider it prudent to take 
up the study of law, especially after having such 
promises made him. And, too, the business had 
become very congenial and he determined to settle 
upon it. 

A few evenings after Clifton had asked Lallie 
to marry him he called at the house of Mr. Burton 
to see his mother. He had previously told her of 
his affection for Lallie, but had not told of his in- 
tention to marry her. So he took this occasion to 
tell her all about it and to ask her approval. He 

li 


62 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


said: “Now, mother, I want your approval. I 
have always profited by your advice and I would 
not act in any measure or matter that did not meet 
your approbation.” 

“Well, my son, if you feel that you love 
Lallie, and think that she will make you happy, 
and that she will suit you, I see no reason why I 
should object. I dislike to give you up. I feel 
that there will be some other to share your affec- 
tion, and that you cannot or probably will not love 
me the same. I have observed it through life, 
that when children marry they apparently lose a 
part of their devotion for their parents, and I guess 
it is right, for the Good Book says, that 'A man 
shall forsake father and mother and cleave to his 
wife.’ Yet this injunction, divineas it is, is indeed 
hard for me to accept. Clifton, I do not think I 
would feel so grieved to give you up if I only had 
some one to cling to. My husband has forsaken me 
and when you are married I shall feel that I have 
companion. You have strengthened, sustained 
and supported me in my bereavement, and I feel 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 1 63 

that I cannot be happy when you have left me. 
Clifton, my dear son, you cannot imagine how I 
hate to give you up.” 

“ Mother, I am sorry that you are so grieved 
about my marrying, and that you feel that I shall 
love you less when I am married. Of course, it 
will be my sacred duty to love my wife, but the 
performance of that duty will not necessitate an 
estrangement of my feelings for you. And you 
shall never be made to feel that I love you less 
after I am married than I do no. No, no, mother; 
the affection I cherish for you is one that is pre- 
eminent to all others ; nothing can alter it, noth- 
ing can destroy it.” 

“ Well, my son, you have my consent, and I 
will try to feel different about this. Marriage can 
be made the means of happiness, or the greatest 
sorrow. May God bless you through life, and 
keep you from such sorrow as I have had.” 

“ Mother, I am satisfied that you will soon be- 
come reconciled. As I fear I am infringing upon 
my time too much I shall return to the store. I 


/ 


364 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

will ask to see Lallie to-morrow evening, then she 
will, I hope, answer me fully. I have not men- 
tioned this matter to any one, and do not wish you 
to do so. We are invited to a party at Mr. Stan- 
ley’s to-morrow evening. I hope you will go ?” 

“No, my boy; I would feel sad among the 
gay and happy. Remember me to Mr. and Mrs. 
Stanley, and tender my regrets.” 

Clifton kissed his mother good-bye and hurried 
home. 


CHAPTER IX. 


The feelings that engross the heart when in 
contemplation of anticipated joys, are beyond the 
power of words to depict. 

The day for the party dawned bright and 
beautiful, and lingered as though it was loth to 
leave, and yield its moments to the buried past. 
The evening twilight found Clifton on his way to 
Mrs. Burton’s, for he was to accompany Lallie to 
the party. When he reached the house he found 
Lallie sitting on the front porch. She greeted him 
with a bright smile. 

“Lallie, ” he said, “I am indeed glad to see 
you.” 

“Thank you, Mr. Steadman. Be seated here. 
It is quite pleasant, and I think we will have a 
most delightful evening for the entertainment.” 

“Lallie, I have called early — it is now only 
7 o’clock, and I ordered the carriage to be here at 


1 66 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

8:30 — so we have one and a-half hours to be to- 
gether, and I shall have to ask you to pardon my 
persistency and abruptness, but will you tell me 
now what conclusion you have reached in refer- 
ence to the subject of our marriage. It would be 
impossible for you to imagine the suspense I have 
suffered, what feelings of mingled hope and fear 
have been mine since I last saw you. I called at 
the house this afternoon and had quite a long talk 
with mother. Was sorry I did not get to see you. ” 

“Yes, mother and Mrs. Steadman told me that 
you had been here. I had gone over to visit a 
sick neighbor, and regretted that I failed to see 
you.” 

“ Lallie, will you not tell me now?” 

“ Pardon me, Mr. Steadman, I did not intend 
to evade you,” interrupted Lallie. “I have 
sought the advice of my parents, and have given 
it a most careful consideration, and my parents 
told me that they would leave the matter entirely 
with me, after stating that they thought I was too 
young to take such a step.” 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 1 67 

“Then, since you are left to decide for yourself 
tell me, and tell me this moment, wont you, how 
you shall decide it ?” 

Lallie looked intently at him for a moment, 
and then asked him for a pencil, which he handed 
her. Before she began to write he remarked : 
“You are to write the doom of a life that shall be 
aimless and without a purpose if your answer be 
in the negative ; and if it is as I hope for it to be 
you are to bless my life and seal it with the hope 
of an elysian felicity. May God instruct you, and 
may the words be in unison with my every hope.” 

Lallie handed him the card which contained 

the following: 

“ My heart is thine.” 

Clifton read it at a glance, and exclaimed : 

“ ‘ O, my soul’s joy ! 

If after every tempest come such calms, 

May the winds blow till they have waken’d death, 
And let the laboring bark climb hills of seas 
Olympus high, and back again as low 
As hell’s from Heaven ! If I were now to die, 

’Twill now to be most happy ; for, I fear 
My soul hath her consent so absolute 
That not another comfort like to this 
Succeeds in unknown fate ! ’ 


1 68 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

Lallie, I feel as I have never felt before ; those 
precious words shall stand as a fortification to all 
sorrow, and though misfortune may come, yet I 
shall feel happy, for thy heart is mine, and even 
‘ in the valley of the shadow of death ’ I shall for- 
forget myself and silently repeat ‘ thy heart is 
mine.’ 

“Ah, can this be possible, or is it a dream 
that when I awake I shall be mocked and scorned ? 
If this be a dream ‘ what have I dared and how 
shall I descend and perish not?’ No, no; it is no 
dream, it is a vivid reality. It is love repaid with 
love. It is love pure, devout, without limit, and 
which was born never to die ; but shall be known 
to angels when the heart that cherishes it is moul- 
dering into dust.” 

“Mr. Steadman, I am glad to discover that I 
have been the instrument of so much pleasure and 
have given you such joy. When I last saw you I 
had decided the matter for myself, but I felt that I 
should show respect to my parents by referring 
the question to them. My conscience pained me 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION: 1 69 

for deferring you, but I felt it a duty to do so.” 

“ Lallie, this is a decision that you shall never 
regret, I hope. It shall be the chief purpose of 
my life to provide you every comfort and pleasure. ” 
** I feel assured of this, and I shall try to per- 
form my part, and try in every way to add to your 
pleasure. Marriage I regard as a sacred and sol- 
emn thing. When it is well advised it brightens 
the dark side of life. There are two shoulders to 
bear life’s burdens, and two hearts between which 
are divided every sorrow.” 

“Yes, Lallie, happy marriages are all this and 
even more. Man never becomes thoroughly de- 
veloped until he receives the purifying influence of 
a wife’s affection. Woman’s moral character is 
sublime ; and if the reins of government were in 
her hands she would subdue the world with the 
law of love. As it is she holds the civil and social 
compact together. She is the queen of the world. 
Withhold her influence from man and he retro- 
grades to barbarism. We see this magical influ- 
ence of precious woman illustrated in the history 


lyO HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

of nations. Where she is made an underling and 
a beast of burden we find that there is no progress, 
and no civilization, society a chaos, and that bar 
barism sets its insignia upon that nation ; but take 
those nations that appreciate female prestige and 
they are nations worthy of record upon the annals 
of history.” 

“ There, ” interrupted Lallie, “ is the carriage. ” 

“Yes. You had better take a wrap, Lallie ; 
it may be cool returning to-night.” 

“ Why, Clifton, is that you !” exclaimed Mrs. 
Steadman. “ Why did you not come in? How 
long have you been here?” 

“About an hour and a-half, I suppose.” 

By this time Mrs. Burton came out and warm- 
ly greeted him, and expressed the hope that they 
would enjoy the evening. 

“Thank you,” returned Clifton, “we antici- 
pate a most delightful evening.” 

“It was a beautiful night, and there was a 
large crowd in attendance at Mr. Stanley’s. His 
residence was a large and beautiful building, out 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 171 

some distance from the business portion of the 
city. It was situated on an elevated site, with a 
terraced lawn in front. 

Lallie and Clifton deprived themselves of the 
pleasure of each other’s society for the first few 
hours of the evening, after which they took a 
promenade upon the lawn where every detail of 
their marriage was arranged. There was no one 
who supposed that Clifton and Lallie were in love 
except Mr. and Mrs. Stanley. 

Lallie had set the 15th of October as the day 
for their marriage, which was only two months 
from then. The hours glided swiftly by, and 
brought this happy occasion to a close. All left 
feeling they had spent an evening that would long 
be remembered. 

The following day Clifton asked Mr. Lapell 
about the arrangement of the business he had 
offered to start him in. Mr. Lapell said : “ Clif- 
ton, I have become very much interested in you, 
and as I was the recipient of many favors from 
your father, I have decided to consign to you a 


172 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

small stock of goods and give you time to make 
the money out of them before you pay for them. 
The business will be conducted in your name alto- 
gether. I have secured the house, and you had 
better begin at once to arrange the stock with 
what goods I can supply from my store, then you 
can order the remainder of your , stock and it will 
be here in a short time.” 

“ Mr. Lapell, this is indeed an agreeable sur- 
prise, and I feel utterly at a loss to express my 
gratitude. I suppose you will have no objection 
to having a legal agreement to this. It is best to 
do business in a business way.” 

“Why certainly not, my boy. You can have 
the agreement drawn up by an attorney covering 
my proposition, and bring it to me and I will sign 
it. Clifton, I suppose you have been informed of 
my borrowing a large sum of money from your 
father, and that I (ailed soon after, which forced 
him to sell his farm. In addition to the amount 
he loaned me, he went security for me for a large 
sum of money which he was also compelled to 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 1 73 

pay. I have recovered about all my losses, and 
feel that since he has not been heard from, that it 
is my duty to do something for you. Of course 
you understand that I am not giving you the 
stock, but furnish it and consign it to you, giving 
you your own time to make the money out of it. 
You will have one of the best locations in the city. 
It is the Philips building on the corner of Clide 
and Chestnut streets.” 

“ O, yes,” remarked Clifton, “I know the 
place. Mr. Stanley is agent.” 

“Yes, go and see him at once and arrange the 
terms. ” 

“Mr. Lapell, I hardly know how I should 
properly express my gratitude to you. I will go 
now to Mr. Stanley’s office.” 

Clifton hurried to Mr. Stanley’s office and 
found him all alone. When he entered Mr. 
Stanley rose and greeted him warmly, remarking : 

“How do you feel after being up so late last 
night.” 

“Thank you, I feel quite well. Mr. Stanley, 


174 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

I have some very important business with you this 
morning.” 

Clifton explained the offer made him by Mr. 
Lapell, and Mr. Stanley wrote up the contract in 
business and legal form. Mr. Stanley was de- 
lighted with Clifton’s good fortune, and told him 
that with his popularity and experience he would 
meet with unbounded success. 

“ Where will you get a house, Clifton ? ” 

“Why, Mr. Lapell informed me that the Phil- 
ips'building — ” 

“ Yes,” interrupted Mr. Stanley, “I have the 
agency for that ; you can get it and can take pos- 
session to-morrow, if you, wish but it is rather 
large and extensive. Mr. Lapell must expect to 
furnish you a very large stock.” 

“Yes, he said that he would give me a full 
mixed stock.*” 

Clifton left Mr. Stanley’s office almost without 
ceremony, he was so elated over his prospects. 
He presented the contract to Mr. Lapell, who read 
it carefully and then said; “I will sign that.”’ 


OR, a madman’s confession. ^ 7 $ 

He did so and had it attested by three witnesses.. 
He and Clifton began at once to select the goods. 
After the lapse of a few days Clifton had his store 
splendidly arranged. The contract, though drawn 
up hurriedly, was a perfect one. Mr. Stanley 
never erred in such things, and as he knew just 
what depended on this, he endeavored to make it 
faultless. 

The prospects of his business were so flattering, 
and the anticipation of his marriage made Clifton 
feel that he had been truly blessed. He employed 
his friend, Claude Bolton, as head clerk. Mr. 
Bolton was a young man of considerable promi- 
nence in social circles, and had also great popu- 
larity throughout the territory from which the city 
of Gunville drew its support. He was also ex- 
perienced in mercantile business. 

Time passed on, and Clifton’s success was even 
greater than he had thought it possible to be. 
The friends Clifton had made while with Mr. La- 
pell had all patronized him, and to such an extent 
that it had been seriously felt by Mr. Lapell, and 


176 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

Mr. Bolton was now controlling his friends in the 
interest of Clifton. 

“ There is a tide in the affairs of men 
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune,” 

And with Clifton this tide had truly been “taken at 
the flood.” 

The morose eccentric character of Clifton had 
been so materially changed by his success that 
those who knew him while a boy would scarcely 
recognize him now, and there was also as great a 
change in his appearance. He was now upon the 
threshold of manhood, and was thoroughly devel- 
oped and extremely handsome and affable. He 
was scrupulously honest in all his dealings, and 
whenever he sold a stranger any thing he always 
impressed him so forcibly with his integrity that 
he would secure his support and patronage in 
future. 

The clouds of misfortune that had lowered 
upon the life of our young hero had vanished, and 
the sunshine of success and happiness beamed full 
upon him. 


CHAPTER X. 


“ The orb of day 

Sinks sweetly smiling; not the faintest breath 
Steals o’er the autumn fields, the clouds of eve 
Reflect unmoved the lingering beam of day ; 

And vesper’s image on the western hills 
Is beautifully smiling.” 

Such was the scene that closed the day ap- 
pointed for the marriage of Clifton and Lallie. 

The grand old church that Lallie had attended 
from her infancy was elaborately decorated and 
brilliantly illuminated for the occasion. And at 
an early hour the crowd began to assemble and 
continued until the house was packed. 

Promptly at the appointed hour the bridal party 
arrived. The bride wore a trailing white silk, and 
was as lovely as she alone could be. The groom 
was faultlessly attired in conventional black, and 
bore himself right royally. The bridemaids 
were all in white. It was a brilliant scene, and 
very impressive. The marriage was followed by a 


178 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

reception, to which all of the most particular 
friends of both families were invited. The recep- 
tion, which was given by the parents of the bride, 
was all that could be desired, and some of the for- 
mality usually displayed on wedding occasions 
being dispensed with, all enjoyed the evening to 
the fullest extent. 

The many bitter and dark scenes through 
which Clifton had passed had been the means of 
richly enhancing his appreciation of his present 
position. The misfortunes of life have a power for 
good that is seldom appreciated. 

Clifton had at last a home of his own to which 
he could take his mother. His heart swelled with 
pride when he had placed the two beings he loved 
best upon earth together, and he felt that he had 
in truth a home once more. 

The success that attended Mr. Steadman was 
almost incredible. Everything that he invested 
yielded a rich return, and after six months’ time 
he was doing a very large business. He had in 
this brief period clearly evinced the qualifications 


OR, a madman’s confession. 179 

of a shrewd and safe financier. There had been 
incorporated a company in which Mr. Stanley had 
large stock. It was a cotton and woolen mill. 
Clifton Steadman was made president and business 
manager. He was to receive a salary of five thou- 
sand dollars a year. He had never until now had 
an opportunity of giving himself full sway in busi- 
ness matters. Notwithstanding the fact that he 
had been a great help and adviser to Mr. Lapell 
that gentleman would never risk his judgment in 
matters of heavy speculations, and yet his judg- 
ment always proved successful in such matters as 
they were given upon. His great success had be- 
come the talk of the entire city and surrounding 
country. Fortune smiled upon him as the favorite 
son. All this was but a reasonable reward for 
such a devoted son, for such a true and noble 
Christian gentleman. If we were to follow him up 
and make mention of each and every success that 
attended him through the first years of his busi- 
ness it would appear absurd and incredulous. 
Suffice it to say, that after eighteen months he had 


j8o halted between two opinions; 

paid Mr. Lapell for the goods, and had a large 
stock which he had purchased on his own account. 

Claude Bolton had been offered, and accepted, 
a position as commercial traveler by a large house 
in New York, to represent them in two of the 
Western states. Mr. Steadman was successful, 
however, in supplying the vacancy caused by this 
with his brother-in-law, Ernest Burton, who was a 
warm friend of Clifton’s, and a good bookkeeper 
and business man. 

Claude Bolton gave glowing accounts of the 
western country through which he was traveling, 
and earnestly besought Clifton to come out on a 
prospecting tour, which was at first only slightly 
considered. He felt that it would be impossible to 
improve his condition, and that he could not think 
of making any venture so far from home, and he 
would not for a moment entertain the idea of ever 
locating in the West or making it his permanent 
home. 

While he had been so greatly blessed and pros- 
pered in his business he had been kind and tender 


OR, A madman’s CONFESSION. 1 8 1 

to his beautiful and noble young wife. He had 
been all that a true, affectionate and noble hus- 
band could be and they were as happy as it is ever 
possible for mortals to be in this life. 

How could they have been otherwise ? She 
was all that woman could be — refined, accom- 
plished and beautiful, kind and affectionate. And 
he was a paragon in all that term implies. Surely 
life contains no greater bliss than being blessed 
with such love as they cherished for each other. 
If there be a richer blessing than this it is the 
crown of immortal glory that is given the hero 
who conquers the evil passions of his nature, and 
lives a life of consecration to the Great Master 
above. 

There is no victory to crown the life that attains 
wealth or even fame that comes alone by circum- 
stance. The palm is only his that surmounts ob- 
stacles and rises amid impediments. It is easy to 
walk through the darkness if there be a light to 
guide us, but those who hew their way and carve 
their own destiny are brave and victorious heroes. 


182 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


They are “ the light of the world” ; yea, they are 
“the salt of the earth” and they are “a light set 
upon a hill.” 

“ Life out of death is heaven’s unwritten law ; 

Nay, it is written in myriad forms ; 

A victor’s palm grows on the fields of war, 

And strength and beauty are the fruit of storms.” 

Claude Bolton had continued to write Clifton 
and had been so persistent in his entreaties that 
Clifton had decided that he would go West for a 
prospecting purpose. 

When he informed Lallie and his mother that 
he had decided to go they sought to persuade him 
to abandon the idea, but he assured them that he 
would be gone only ten or fifteen days and that he 
knew there were golden opportunities that offered 
themselves to men of means or Claude would not 
be writing him. So the day was appointed for his 
departure, and he wrote to Claude that he had de- 
cided to come, and that he wished him to meet 
him on his arrival. 

The place he had decided to visit first was a 
flourishing little town on the frontier of Texas. 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 1 83 

He was to leave his business in charge of Earnest 
Burton, his brother-in-law, and had requested him 
to stay at his house during his absence. Lallie 
wept bitterly as she parted with Clifton. He had 
never been absent from her during the two years 
they had been married, and she could not endure 
for him to take such a long trip, and at the last 
moment earnestly entreated him to give up the 
trip, to which he replied : 

‘ ‘ Lallie, I am astonished at your weakness. I 
am not a child, my dear, and though I have 
traveled very little I shall be fully capable of taking 
care of myself. You add greatly to the pain it 
gives me to leave you by such demonstrations as 
this. Now do cheer up and be brave. I will 
write you every day or two. Now, dear, give 
yourself no uneasiness about me, and take good 
care of yourself.” 

“Clifton, I dread to see you leave, because 
that is such a wild country, and the people are so 
desperate.” 

“ I do not think they are any worse than other 


184 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

people. The country has been settled by emi- 
grants from the older States, and though there 
may be some rough characters the good are largely 
in majority. ” 

“Well, you are so good and kind that I know 
even strangers will love you. I pray that God 
will protect you during your absence and speed 
the day for your return. I hope you will meet 
Mr. Bolton on your arrival, but do not let him 
persuade you to move to that country, for I could 
not endure to live there.” 

After assuring Lallie that he would not be per- 
suaded to move out West, he turned to his mother 
and pressed her fondly to his breast, and then 
turned to his lovely wife again and took a farewell 
kiss. Lallie and Mrs. Steadman stood at the gate 
and watched him until he was out of sight, when 
Lallie sobbingly repeated : 

“Speed on wherever God’s angels may guide thee ; 

No fancy can dream, and no language can tell 

What faith and what blessings walk ever beside thee 
Or the depth of our love as we bid thee farewell.” 

“Why should I feel so grieved to bid him fare- 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 1 85 

well, mother, when he tells me that his stay shall 
not be long? ” 

“It is a weakness to which our sex are predis- 
posed I guess, my child.” 

“Mother, I feel a strange presentiment. I 
suppose it is because I am so unfavorably im- 
pressed with the people out there. I should not 
feel as I do if it was any place else that I was 
going to. I have read so many ‘ Wild Western 
Scenes,’ and so much about the desperadoes there 
that I cannot do even the good people justice in 
my thoughts of them.” • 

“ Lallie, this is just as you say. The accounts 
that you have read of the ‘ Wild West ’ have biased 
your opinions, and I would insist that you give 
yourself no uneasiness about Clifton. You feel 
this separation so seriously because you have never 
been absent from him since your marriage, and 
you must teach yourself to become reconciled to 
this. I am really glad the poor fellow has gone, 
though I hate to be deprived of his pleasant soci- 
ety. It will be a recreation for him, and he has 


1 86 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

been so closely confined to his business, and as he 
is attending to business at the same time, I feel 
that, for his sake, I ought not have demonstrated 
the reluctance that I did at his going.” 

These words were consoling to Lallie, and she 
resolved that she would be brave and try to be as 
cheerful as the circumstances would permit. 

Lallie made her library a place of resort. She 
sought to beguile her feelings by reading. That 
night, after she had eaten supper, she repaired to 
the library, and after looking over an old scrap 
book that had been made of prose and poetical se- 
lections by Clifton, she noticed the following lines 
which had been marked by some one, and which 
served greatly to excite her childish presentiments : 

“ How can’st thou tell how far from thee 

Fate or caprice may lead his steps ere that to-morrow 
comes. 

Men have been known to lightly turn the corner of a 
street, 

And days have grown to months, 

And months to lagging years ere they have looked in 
loving eyes again.” 


CHAPTER XI. 


When Clifton Steadman alighted from the train 
-at the little town of Edgewood he was delighted 
to see one familiar face. The genial and warm- 
hearted Claude Bolton was there to meet him. 

What a change of scene ! The broad prairie 
stretched out before his view. Thousands of 
cattle were grazing thereon, in the distance. He 
had read many Indian legends and many descrip- 
tions of Western scenery, but none had impressed 
him as did the reality. He thought of the poor 
unfortunate Indians, who had been driven from 
their wilderness home. There was where their 
rude wigwams once stood and where the calumet 
in brotherly love was passed from one to another, 
proclaiming peace and freedom. There was the 
happy hunting ground, which once was theirs, and 
where they were monarchs of all they surveyed. 
There was something majestic about these plains. 


1 88 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

They were sublime in their immensity, and filled 
the heart with love for adventure. 

The little town of Edgewood, so called because 
it was situated on the edge of the prairie, was des- 
tined to be a flourishing city, and the people were 
wild with the prospect of its development. Clifton 
saw that the opportunities for making a great for- 
tune were now open to him, and he could scarcely 
wait till he had rested from his trip to drive over 
the country and invest in land and cattle. 

Claude Bolton took him to the Commercial 
Hotel, where he made his headquarters when in 
town. And Clifton, after making his toilet, took 
supper and was now prepared for a long talk with 
his friend. Notwithstanding his great fatigue and 
loss of sleep he and his friend talked until a late 
hour. Claude had instructed him in detail about 
the many opportunities that were within his grasp 
and requested him to secure a team from the 
stable of Mr. Clayton, who owned large tracts of 
land, and drive out and look at the country. He 
said he thought that Mr. Clayton would go with 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 1 89 

him, as he was very courteous to strangers, and 
especially those who were prospecting. Claude 
was to go to the stable with Clifton the next morn- 
ing and introduce him to Mr. Clayton, but could 
not go driving with him that day as he had some 
very important businets engagements to meet. 
He asked Clifton to defer his drive until the next 
day when he could go with him, but Clifton was 
so elated and his curiosity so great that he told Mr. 
Bolton he would go with Mr. Clayton the first 
day and with him the next. Clifton wished to 
see as much of the country as he could in the few 
days he was to remain there. 

The next morning Claude introduced Clifton to 
Mr. Clayton as a prominent capitalist from the 
East, and after lingering for a few minutes he ex- 
cused himself, saying his business was very press- 
ing. 

As Mr. Clayton could not go with Clifton he 
determined to go alone, and after looking at the 
many fine horses in the stable selected a beautiful 
span, but Mr. Clayton told him that he never used 


I9O HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

those except on very special occasions, and that he 
would prefer letting him have any others he had in 
the stable as he prized those very highly, having 
paid the sum of seven hundred and fifty dollars for 
them. But Clifton insisted, and assured Mr. 
Clayton that he was an experienced driver, and 
would be responsible for any damage done them. 
As Mr. Clayton anticipated selling him a large 
tract of land and probably many lots in the city he 
finally consented. 

“Mr. Steadman, you will please pardon my 
leaving. I would be indeed delighted to go with 
you, but I have some business that demands my 
most immediate attention.” 

“Certainly, Mr. Clayton, I, too, regret that 
you cannot go out with me to-day, but I will have 
the pleasure of your company to-morrow, I hope.” 

“I hope so. You will find the horses full of 
life, but not wild by any means. Now be careful 
with them, I prize them very highly.” 

“ I hope you will give yourself no uneasiness, 
about the team. I can manage them and will 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. I9I 

return them in good condition or make good an y 
damage done them.” 

Taking out his watch Mr. Clayton found 
he had encroached upon his time, and, turn- 
ing to old Prock, one of his hostlers, said : 
“Prock, you will get out Snowflake and Ches- 
ter and harness them for Mr. Steadman.” 
And, wishing Clifton a safe and pleasant drive, 
hurried away. 

Old Prock, as he was familiarly called, was an 
old man who would work around the stable for a 
few weeks at a time, and, as soon as he got a little 
money, would quit his work and remained drunk 
as long as it lasted. But, as he was so faithful 
while at his work, Mr. Clayton would not dis- 
charge him. He had discovered that old Prock 
was a man of education and had once seen better 
days. After taking great pains to see that every- 
thing was secure about the harness Prock turned 
and said : “Sir, your team is now ready.” Mr. 
Steadman handed him a coin, and, as he took it, 
the big tears gathered in his eyes. “ Old man,” 


I92 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

said Clifton, “my kindness seems to move you 
greatly. You must be used to harsh treatment. ” 

“ It is true, my dear sir.” 

After getting out of the stable Mr. Steadman 
noticed that the horse on the right was limping, 
but as it was so slight he was not much alarmed 
about it. In fact, he had observed the lameness 
when the old man brought them out to harness. 
The road was as level and smooth as a pavement 
and Mr. Steadman drove for many miles through 
the country and took dinner with a ranchman 
whom he had met. The ranchman was very hos- 
pitable and showed the young capitalist marked 
respect and attention. 

After Clifton had driven over the large ranch 
he decided to return to Edgewood, and, as he had 
fifteen miles distance, he drove hurriedly. As he 
approached the stable Mr. Clayton was standing 
outside of the door, and, when he drove in, said : 
“Young fellow, what is the matter with that 
horse? I see that he is limping badly.” 

“ Nothing more than what was the matter this 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. I93 

morning when I took him out. I noticed his being 
slightly lame when I drove out of the stable.” 

“Not so, sir ; and you know it. You shall pay 
for the injury done him, or I will prosecute you to 
the fullest extent of the law.” 

“ Mr. Clayton, you are mistaken, sir. The 
old gentleman who harnessed the team for me this 
morning will, I leel assured, tell you that your 
horse was lame when I took him from your 
stable.” 

“ Then, sir, it was your duty not to accept him 
if you found him lame.” Turning to old Prock 
Mr. Clayton said: “Old man, what was the con- 
dition of Chester this morning when you took him 
from the stall? Did you notice him being lame?” 

“ Not at all, sir; he was all right as far as I 
could see. ” 

“Turning. to Mr. Steadman he said: “Now 
you see that you have told me a wilful falsehood, 
and I demand of you a forfeit to the full value of 
that animal. If he recovers I will return your 
money ; if not I shall keep it.” 


13 


194 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS ; 

“I do not propose to suffer you to contradict 
my word and tell me that I have told you a false- 
hood. You are unreasonable, sir, and I demand 
redress.” 

“ I have none to offer, and if you do not put 
up a forfeit of three hundred and fifty dollars, and 
do it now I will make you wish that you had.” 

“Mr. Clayton, I do not wish to have a diffi- 
culty with you. I will give you the money ; but 
mark you, sir, I will see what protection the law 
offers, and I will have this money back or I will 
take the worth of it in revenge.” 

By this time a large crowd had gathered, for 
they had expected a serious difficulty would ensue. 

Clifton, very much exasperated, turned to walk 
away, remarking to Mr. Clayton, “I shall see you 
again, sir.” 

“You had better see me now if you mean to 
fight,” replied Mr. Clayton. 

“ I am unarmed, sir, and you know it; but I 
shall see you again, you may rest assured.” 

Clifton then went on to the hotel. He had 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 1 95 

been there but a little while when his friend Claude 
came in, and he told him of the quarrel that had 
taken place, and that Mr. Clayton had demanded 
a forfeit of three hundred and fifty dollars, and that 
he put it up. 

“Well, Clifton, Mr. Clayton is perfectly fool- 
ish about those horses, and, as he told you, he 
only kept them for special occasions, yet I think 
he will do what is right. He was mad at the time 
or he would not have spoken so offensively to 
you. ” 

“I expect he is under the impression that I 
will attack him when I meet him, as we parted 
with very bitter words.” 

“Clifton, I am indeed sorry that this has hap- 
pened. I would hardly have thought that Mr. 
Clayton would have demanded a forfeit from you 
as he knows me so well, and you to be my friend. 
It grieves me to know that he would not show me 
more respect.” 

Mr. Steadman and Mr. Bolton talked for some 
time about it. They decided that they would go 


I96 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

down to Mr. Clayton’s office after supper and talk 
the matter over with him. 

Clifton was very much insulted at the language 
Mr. Clayton used to him, and the more he thought 
of it the more he felt enraged. 

Clifton went to the writing desk and wrote a 
letter to his wife. After he had completed it 
he told Claude he would step over to the 
post-office, which was across the street, and 
post it, so that it would be sure to get off on 
the next train. It was then quite dark, and, as he 
entered the post-office, he stumbled over some- 
thing which he thought to be a drunken man, but 
upon examination he found it to be a man some 
one had murdered, and seeing a dirk sticking in 
his breast pulled it out, and the blood gushed out 
upon him, covering his hands. He rushed back 
to the hotel, and, in an excited manner, called 
Claude out and told him of the dead body. They 
went back and found that it was Mr. Clayton, the 
liveryman. Then Claude discovered the blood 
stains on Clifton’s hands, and asked why it was, 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 1 97 

and Clifton told him that he pulled a dagger out of 
the man’s breast. Mr. Bolton saw that his friend 
had committed an error that would, no doubt, lead 
to his arrest and probably to conviction. He 
begged Clifton to leave the city at once. 

“ Oh, my God ! What shall I do ?” exclaimed 
Clifton. “Am I to be accused of this?” 

“Yes, sir; and you will be convicted for it. 
Your language to Mr. Clayton not more than an 
hour ago, a'nd which was heard by many witnesses, 
and those hands covered with his blood, will make 
a chain of circumstantial evidence that will convict 
you. Go, I tell you, Clifton Steadman, or you 
will be captured. I have always been your friend. 
I do not want to testify against you.” 

“What? Flee ! and be a fugitive from jus- 
tice ? No, no ! It is only the wicked that ‘ fleeth 
when no man pursueth’. God is my witness, and 
He is too merciful and just, and too good to per- 
mit me to suffer for a murder that I never even 
thought to commit. Mr. Bolton, you seem to be 
of the opinion that I am guilty of this awful deed.” 


I98 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS ; 

“I am, Clifton, and you will pardon me for 
thinking so, since you see yourself I could not be- 
lieve otherwise. But, regardless of my belief, I 
cherish the memory of our long association and 
uninterrupted friendship ; and my sympathy for 
your young and affectionate wife, and your very 
devoted mother constrains me to entreat you to 
flee for your life. ” 

Clifton exclaimed: “Oh, God, what have I 
done!” This was a moment of excitement and 
perplexity that caused Clifton Steadman to halt 
between two opinions. “Shall I,” he thought, 
“stay and be convicted of murder and drag out a 
miserable life in a loathsome prison cell or shall I 
flee and be a fugitive from justice and always be 
afraid to show my face to those I love most 
dearly?” He thought of his loving and beautiful 
young wife, her image flashed vividly before him, 
her face so pure, so lovely, and the trouble this 
would bring upon her, to blight her happy life. 
It seemed that he could hear her voice, so sweet, 
so gentle, so full of music. 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 1 99* 

There was a mountain of evidence that would 
proclaim his guilt, and there was a consciousness 
that proclaimed his innocence that made it hard 
for him to determine what was best to be done ; 
but as in every instance of his life where he was 
halting between two opinions, he decided for the 
right. Though death should be his portion he 
would not sacrifice his sense of justice or make the 
least compromise of his integrity. 

He and his friend went back to the hotel and 
related the awful occurrence to the proprietor and 
the crowd of visitors, and in a few miutes the little 
town of Edgewood was wild with excitement. 
The wife and children of Mr. Clayton came and 
wept over his lifeless form and seemed delirious 
with sorrow. 

When the friends of Mr. Clayton who heard 
the wrangle at the stable not more than an hour 
and one-half previous had gathered around and saw 
this same young man Steadman, and remembered 
the threats he had made to Mr. Clayton, ques- 
tioned him and saw that his hands were stained 


200 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


with blood, they seized him without a warrant, and 
would have lynched him but was protected by the 
officers who took him to the jail and kept it 
guarded. 

Clifton offered no resistance to the officers, but 
begged a hearing that night, which was refused 
him. He was now a prisoner, and the officers 
placed him in a strong iron cage, the turnkey 
closed the heavy gate and locked him in. He be- 
gan to weep as a child ; he thought of his little 
home, once so happy ; now made so desolate, so 
troubled, so gloomy, and here he was behind the 
prison bars ; he so noble and generous, so spirit- 
ual and so pure of heart, so earnest in everything 
he ever undertook, made to suffer -for another’s 
crime. He wept and prayed nearly all night, he 
could not sleep. He had tried to write a letter to- 
his mother upon a leaf from his memorandum 
book, but was crazed with grief and could not 
write. Long after midnight he became so ex- 
hausted he was forced to lie down, so he spread 
the coarse blankets that had been given him upon 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


201 


the floor, using his own clothes for a pillow. After 
lying there for quite awhile he fell asleep; he 
slept a few hours, and when he awoke the dawn 
of day was breaking, he could hear the merry 
voices of his fellow prisoners, some singing and 
some laughing as though they never felt a care. 

Soon the turnkey came up with a breakfast 
that Claude had sent him from the hotel, he ate 
very little. 

About nine o’clock the officers came for him, 
bound him with shackles, and took him to the 
magistrate’s office where he was to receive a pre- 
liminary trial. All the witnesses had been sum- 
moned that was thought necessary. After a trial 
which lasted until late in the evening he was re- 
manded to the jail without bail, having been found 
guilty of murder in the first degree. 

There was no chanee for bail, but he must 
await the action of the criminal court, which was 
to convene the next month. 

After this preliminary trial, when Clifton had 
been returned to the same cell from which he had 


202 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS ; 


been taken, he sent for Mr, Bolton and prevailed 
upon him to go and take charge of his business, 
and he gave him full control, and requested him to 
tell Lallie and his mother of his trouble, but to 
broach the matter to them as gently as possible. 
Claude went at once upon his sad mission. 

Clifton had requested that the old man who 
had harnessed his team be at his trial. But old 
Prock was on a drinking spree, but had he been 
sober his evidence would not have effected a change 
in the decision that was rendered. But Clifton 
had hoped that old Prock would remember that 
one of the horses was lame when he started out, 
though he had told Mr. Clayton that they were 
both all right ; but had this been fully established 
it could not have palliated the evidence against 
him. 

Old Prock only denied that the horse was lame 
because he feared that if he admitted it Mr. Clay- 
ton would discharge him. Yet Clifton could not 
help believing that this old man’s evidence would 
be valuable to him in his final trial. Insignificant 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


203 

as the old man might be Clifton was solicitous 
about him, and hoped that he would not be dis- 
charged from his position. But Old Prock was 
discharged by a relative of Mr. Clayton’s who 
took charge of the stable. The old man was 
drinking excessively, and seemed to have plenty 
of money to* spend, which astonished all the men 
with whom he had worked at the stable, as they 
knew he had drawn only ten dollars when he was 
discharged. 

In two weeks old Prock was a raving maniac. 
He had at first drifted into delirium tremens and 
from that to a form of lunacy that appeared hope- 
less. He was so desperate that he was sent to the 
asylum. He had no friends to weep for him, no- 
body loved him. This ended the hope that Clifton 
cherished for having the old man as a witness. 

Clifton had written a long letter to his wife, 
asking them and also Mr. Stanley to come to him. 
He had given Mr. Stanley a complete history of 
his troubles, and as Claude had reached Gunville a 
few days before the letter was received, Mrs. 


204 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

Steadman and Lallie started at once for Edgewood, 
without telling anyone except Mrs. Burton where 
they were going. 

This was a long and sad trip. The meeting of 
Lallie, Mrs. Steadman and Clifton at the jail was 
bitterly affecting. He was not permitted to see 
them outside of the strong iron cage, and Lallie 
and his mother kissed him through the heavy 
bars. This scene was so touching that the cold 
heart of the jailor became so greatly affected that 
he turned away to hide his tears. 

After an hour of such weeping Lallie and Mrs. 
Steadman were told that they would have to leave, 
but could repeat their visit at certain hours of the 
day. They had brought with them some favorite 
books from Clifton’s library that they knew he 
would be interested in reading ; but before they 
were allowed him they were carefully inspected 
by the jailor to prevent the passage of any in- 
strument by which Mr. Steadman could effect his 
escape. 

How. very insulting and mortifying this was to 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


205 

Lallie and his mother, as they never for a moment 
thought or wished to liberate Clifton save by fair 
and honest means. 

Mrs. Steadman, who had quaffed the gall of 
sorrow’s bitter cup without a murmur seemed to 
be incapable to endure this trouble. Her withered 
hopes had been warmed into life by Clifton’s suc- 
cess, which had beguiled her into moments of joy, 
only to give a darker coloring to the misery of her 
present woes. She refused food for days, and was 
deaf and insensible to condolence. 

What a life of bereavement hers was — once as 
radiant as the spire of some resplendent dome, but 
now plunged into murkiest gloom. 

“ On her day of life the night was falling,” 

And a night in which no sorrow-ladened dream 
would disturb the sweetness of her long repose. 
She was growing old, and these heavy strokes of 
fate, though bravely borne, were precipitating the 
hour of her dissolution. What a blessed thing it 
might have been had death spared her this bitter 
anguish, but God knows best and her life mission 


20 6 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


had not yet been finished. There were broken 
hearts that she must live to pour the balm of love 
upon, and in healing painful wounds she would, 
forget the sorrow of her own sad heart. 

“ With rest almost in sight the spirit faints, 

And heart and flesh grow weary at the last ; 

Our feet would walk the city of the saints 
Even before the silent gate is passed.” 


CHAPTER XII. 


Mr. Stanley went to Edge wood and had gath- 
ered all the information and evidence that could be 
obtained in relation to Clifton’s trouble. He em- 
ployed local counsel, and gave this case more 
attention and study than any one he had ever 
undertaken. His noble and generous heart went 
out in the warmest sympathy for his young friend, 
and had Clifton been his own son he could not 
have labored more untiringly nor exhibited more 
solicitude. After he had surveyed the situation 
he was without hope of Clifton’s acquittal, but his 
interest and labors in the case made the impression 
that he was very hopeful. He had brought depo- 
sitions from the most prominent men of the state 
in which Clifton was raised to establish his charac- 
ter, while it would have no other bearing upon the 
case it would serve to mitigate the penalty should 
he be found guilty. 


208 halted between two opinions ; 

Mr. Stanley did not for a moment question his 
innocence, but he saw it was a case of circumstan- 
tial evidence that seemed to be without rebuttal. 
He had labored almost night and day for three 
weeks before the criminal court convened. The 
grand jury had found an indictment against Clif- 
ton Steadman for murder, and the time set for his 
trial was the last week of that term of the court. 

Mr. Stanley still had many preliminaries to ar- 
range. He telegraphed for Claude Bolton, and 
then went to the Asylum to ascertain if the old 
hostler Prock was in a condition to give evidence. 
The superintendent would not permit Mr. Stanley 
to see the old man, as he was considered one of 
the most violent lunatics in the asylum, though his 
case was not necessarily hopeless. Mr. Stanley 
was met with disappointment. 

The sentiment against Mr. Steadman was very 
bitter. Mr. Clayton was a wealthy and prominent 
citizen, and had been largely instrumental in the 
development of Kdgewood. Mrs. Clayton and her 
friends employed counsel to assist the prosecution. 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 2O9 

The business of the court had been rapidly dis- 
patched in order to reach the Steadman case upon 
the day appointed. The people for many miles 
in the interior had flocked to Edgewood to attend 
the trial. 

Upon the morning of October, the 29th, 
Clifton was brought into the court room with his 
hands shackled, accompanied by a deputy sheriff, 
Mr. Stanley, Lallie and Mrs. Steadman. When 
he reached the bar the deputy removed the shack- 
les and Clifton took a seat facing the jury, Lallie 
and his mother near him. There was a compla- 
cence about him that seemed to proclaim his inno- 
cence. He appeared more like a saint than a 
criminal. There was not that downcast expres- 
sion upon his face that marks the face of the 
recreant. The blush of shame was not seen upon 
his handsome face, and even at this critical mo- 
ment his expression was calm and serene, every 
feature the embodiment of honor, benevolence 
and piety. When ordered by the judge to rise he 
stood firm and erect while the charges were read 


210 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


to him which he had to answer. When asked the 
question, “guilty or not guilty,” he answered 
with a firm and solemn voice, “ I am not guilty.” 

The trial was now begun. The prosecution 
had every one, except old Prock, who had heard 
the conversation between Clifton and Mr. Clayton 
upon the evening of the drive. Their evidence 
was so plainly given and so greatly magnified that 
conviction seemed inevitable. 

When Mr. Bolton was called to the stand his 
evidence was found to be against Clifton, as it 
could not have been otherwise to have been true. 
Yet he showed a disposition to save him if he 
could, and would frequently offer his opinion that 
Clifton did not commit the murder ; but these 
opinions were objected to. The trial lasted for 
three days. In his closing speech Mr. Stanley 
spoke for several hours and made an earnest 
appeal for his . friend’s life such as he had never 
made before. His touching and eloquent words 
brought tears from the eyes of the entire audience. 

The case was then submitted to the jury. 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


21 


After consuming several hours they returned to 
the court room, and the foreman handed the clerk 
of the court their verdict. When the clerk rose 
to read there was a death-like silence in the room. 
The verdict was : 

“We, the jury, find the defendant guilty of 
murder, and assess his punishment at ninety-nine 
years at hard labor in the State penitentiary.” 

It would be vain to attempt a description of the 
scene which followed. Suffice it to say that the 
tears and screams ' of poor Mrs. Steadman and 
Lallie were enough to have touched the most cal- 
lous hearts. When Clifton’s wife and mother 
threw their arms about his neck the aged judge 
turned his head away and wiped the tears from his 
wrinkled cheeks. The members of the jury hung 
their heads to hide their tears. They wept to 
think that they had, by the stern and cold decree 
of law, been forced to doom a soul around whose 
life was twined such tender hearts. 

Mr. Stanley, although not surprised at the 
verdict, sank in his chair and wept like a child. 


212 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


His noble heart went out in sympathy to his young 
friend, whom he loved as a son. And when he 
thought of the tender mother and wife doomed to 
such affliction his heart seemed to melt within 
him. The sheriff, a stern man, yet deeply moved 
himself, led the broken hearted wife and mother 
from the court room, and tried to console them. 
The wife of Mr. Clayton followed them out and 
implored forgiveness for the steps she had taken in 
the prosecution. Her own grief-stricken heart 
was made to feel that ‘ ‘ touch of sympathy which 
makes the world akin.” 

After the wife and mother of Clifton had gone 
and order was restored, young Steadman was 
ordered by the court to rise and receive his sen- 
tence. When asked if he had anything to say, he 
replied : 

“There is nothing that I could say to change 
the penalty that has been placed upon me. The 
evidence that has been given against me appears to 
have been unquestionably true. I submit to my 
fate with the hope and belief that he who committed 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 21 3 

this murder for which / am doomed to suffer will 
yet repent and confess. 

‘ Jruth crushed to earth shall rise again.’ 

If there be a God he can never permit the just and 
innocent to suffer for the offenses of the dissolute 
and recreant.” 

“Then you mean to say that you are inno- 
cent?” inquired the judge. 

“Yes, I am innocent ! ” 

“The evidence against you, Mr. Steadman, 
has been so plain and conclusive that I cannot set 
aside the verdict ; I therefore sentence you to our 
State Penitentiary for a term of ninety-nine years 
of hard labor. If you are innocent, sir, you have 
failed to prove it. If you are guilty it is right that 
you should suffer. If there ever arises any evi- 
dence to rebut that which has effected your con- 
viction I shall be very glad to become instrumental 
in your reprieve.” 

“The tone of Clifton’s voice and his open,, 
honest expression impressed many with the belief 
that he was innocent. The deputy was ordered 


214 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


to take the prisoner and place him in jail where 
he would safely keep him until the prison officials 
came for him. 

Mr. Stanley and Claude Bolton followed the 
deputy and Clifton to the jail, and, after a lengthy 
conversation, they left with the promise of calling 
again the next day. The sheriff had taken Mrs. 
Steadman and Lallie to the hotel, and many ladies 
and gentlemen, who were greatly excited by the 
sheriff being in company with the ladies, had fol- 
lowed to inquire the cause. They were deeply 
affected by the ladies’ manifestations of sorrow, 
and did everything in their power to console them. 
Nor did they forget the poor heart-broken prisoner. 
The good people of the place went to visit him 
very often, and they would take him nice things 
to eat, or a book that would interest him or pretty 
flowers. 

Mr. Stanley did not even take an appeal to the 
higher courts for he saw that Clifton’s case was a 
hopeless one. Yet he believed after a few years 
that he could obtain a pardon for him. 


or, a madman’s confession. 21 5 

All that years of diligence and economy and 
moral worth had accumulated for Clifton was 
swept away at one blow of cruel fate and instead 
he could see nothing but ruin, disgrace and 
despair. 

It required the tenderest care to enable his 
mother and wife to survive the terrible shock. 

With all Clifton’s apparent guilt those who 
knew him intimately could not be persuaded to 
believe that he was guilty of murder, for if man- 
kind could possibly be without error, stain or re- 
proach it was Clifton Steadman. His constant 
association with his noble mother had moulded his 
character and shaped it with a degree of morality 
and magnanimity seldom found to be so beauti- 
fully blended. He had been reared almost exclu- 
sively under female influence, and his short business 
career was without reproach. He had not only 
been just and honorable in his dealings with men, 
but he had been charitable and kind. But with all 
his innocence and nobleness of character he must 
eke out a miserable existence in the gloom of a 


I 


216 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

prison, cut off forever from friends and loved ones. 

After the lapse of a few days the prison officers 
arrived at Edgewood to take Clifton and three 
others, who had been convicted for short terms, to 
the State prison. When the officers arrived the 
sheriff sent for Mr. Stanley, Mr. Bolton, Mrs. 
Steadman and Lallie. When they arrived at the 
jail the officers were waiting for them, and they all 
proceeded to the cage in which Clifton was con- 
fined. The turnkey unlocked the outside door 
and called to him, and told him that the officers 
had come for him, and then proceeding to the 
inner door he unlocked it, allowing the officers to 
enter. They placed a chain around Clifton’s neck 
and locked the other end to their own wrists, and 
thus brought him out in the presence of his 
precious wife, mother and friend. The rattling 
of these heavy chains smote painfully upon the 
ears of those two most dear to him. 

“Lallie, my dear wife,” said Clifton,” I am 
disgraced forever, and we may never see each 
other again, but tell me, will you ever forget me ? ** 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 2\J 

“Forget thee? Never!” exclaimed Lallie. “I 
may forget myself and all else dear to me, but I 
will cherish your memory forever.” 

“Lallie, may God bless and sustain you and 
my dear mother in your bereavement, and if we 
are never permitted to meet again on earth we 
will I trust meet where afflictions and partings 
nevei* come. These heavy chains cannot fetter 
my soul. The hand of death will unbind them, 
and let my soul go on its homeward journey. 
Thank God there shall be a day of reckoning and 
of judgment. Thank God a crown of unfading 
glory shall be worn by him who wore a crown of 
thorns.” 

“Yes,” sobbed Mrs. Steadman, “ many there 
are to day whose names were never heard in song 
or graced the annals of history, who lived a life of 
torture and disgrace, died in ignominious shame, 
whose secret deeds of virtue if known would en- 
shrine them forever in the hearts of their country- 
men.” 

“ Yes, Mrs. Steadman,” replied Mr. Stanley, 


218 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


“ and there are those who move in the first circles 
of society, have praises lavished upon them, and 
have won the love and confidence of trusting 
hearts, yet locked up in their lives is treachery, 
debauchery and disgrace.” 

Turning to Clifton Mr. Stanley continued, “My 
dear boy, I do not want you to feel in your isola- 
tion that you are without friends. I have every 
reason to believe that I can effect your reprieve; 
your enemies have shown a disposition to be len- 
ient. Now go, my brave boy, and submit to your 
fate. You will soon win the confidence of the 
prison officials, and their recommendation for your 
reprieve would be of great assistance to you in ob- 
taining it. If I live sir, and do not deceive myself, 
I shall have you free within five years at most.” 

“God bless you, Mr. Stanley, you have been 
a father to me. While laboring for me do not 
forget my poor mother.” 

“Clifton, I would not have you to suffer any 
uneasiness about your mother; I shall see that she 
is provided for.” 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 2ig 

Mr. Stanley’s words were comforting to Clifton 
and brought consolation to Lallie and Mrs. Stead- 
man that made them feel it possible to take their 
farewell of Clifton. By this time a large crowd 
had assembled at the jail. Many had brought nice 
presents to Clifton, and their kindness to him eli- 
cited deep gratitude from his wife and mother. 
When told that they would be forced to leave 
Clifton drew his wife to his bosom with his right 
arm and his mother with his left, weeping and sor- 
rowing bitterly for a moment. He then kissed 
them for the last time and was led away. 




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X>‘ 



CHAPTER XIII. 


With sad hearts and broken spirits Mrs. Stead- 
man and Lallie returned to Gunville, accompanied 
by Mr. Stanley. 

Clifton had made an assignment of all his prop- 
erty and money to his wife and mother and had 
arranged the transfer of deeds with Mr. Stanley. 
His business was to be managed by Mr. Bolton 
who was the most available man to be had, as he 
was familiar with the people there and a man of 
great business qualifications. 

When the story of Clifton’s misfortunes had 
been related to his friends they were grieved be- 
yond measure and greatly surprised. Those most 
intimately acquainted with him could not believe 
the sad intelligence until they had visited Lallie 
and Mrs. Steadman and saw from their grief-stricken 
appearance that it was indeed a reality. 

Mr. and Mrs. Gladwell had not been apprised 


222 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


of it as Mrs. Steadman and Lallie had been in such 
a state of mental anguish, and the calamity had 
come upon them so suddenly that they had really 
forgotten their best and closest friends. 

None had been more attentive to Mrs. Stead- 
man and Lallie than Mr. Bolton. He was an 
affable and handsome gentleman, and his attention 
to Mrs. Steadman had made her regard him next 
in tenderness to her unfortunate son, and Lallie, 
knowing that he and her dear husband had been 
such intimate friends, looked upon him almost as 
a brother, and they all were impressed with the 
good judgment Clifton had displayed in making 
Claude Bolton manager of his business. Under 
his management the business seemed to thrive 
equally as well as it had under Clifton’s. 

Ernest Burton was promoted to the position of 
head clerk, and financially all ran smoothly. 

Lallie and Mrs. Steadman on their arrival at 
Gunville were met at the depot by Mr. and Mrs. 
Burton, who took them to their home. Mrs. 
Steadman was so exhausted from her trip that she- 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 223 

had to be immediately put to bed where she re~ 
mained several weeks. Her recovery was seri- 
ously doubted by her physician. 

When Clifton’s case had been explained to 
Mr. and Mrs. Burton they at once took sides 
against him and Mr. Burton begged his daughter 
to forget Clifton. 

“My child,” he said, “would you bring re- 
proach upon our name by clinging to a criminal, 
a man who has stained his hands with innocent 
blood, and who has been proven guilty by the 
courts of justice ? ” 

“Father, would you so cruelly probe the 
wounds of my broken heart with such words? You 
know that he did not commit nor could he have 
committed such a foul murder.” 

“Then why was he convicted? Why did not 
Mr. Stanley take an appeal to a higher court? Mr. 
Stanley himself was no doubt impressed with the 
fact of it being useless. He is an intimate friend 
of the family and he would not have sacrificed his 
allegience to them and so jeopardized his reputa- 


224 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

tion as to have failed to take an appeal if he had 
thought the court which convicted Clifton had 
made an error.” 

“ Father, Mr. Stanley is not without hope. He 
says he will have Clifton pardoned.” 

“Then I suppose you would want to still live 
with him?” 

“Why not, father? God never made a nobler 
man.” 

“Well, Lallie, if I thought this moment that 
you would not forget this man in due course of 
time I would disown you as my child.” 

“Then, father, you can disown me now, for I 
can never forget him, nor can the world make me 
believe he is guilty, but if he was guilty I would 
love him still.” 

“ God pity you, my child. Little did I think 
that one who bears my name and blood should be- 
come so enamored with such an indiscreet affec 
tion as to sacrifice her character.” 

“Father, the fact of Clifton’s being convicted 
does not prove that he is guilty. You know 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


225 

that there are men in every prison in the world 
who are suffering unjustly, while there are men 
who make our laws, and are respected as honora- 
ble citizens, who, if they were brought to justice 
would themselves be in chains.” 

“ My child, you talk without reason. I have 
lived longer in this world than you have, and know 
something of its ways. Now, if Mr. Stanley had 
had any hopes of ever acquitting Mr. Steadman 
why did he permit his case to come to trial so 
soon ?” 

“Well, father, he tried to get the trial post- 
poned, but they refused to do it.” 

“Yes, all this only goes to show that it was a 
serious case. Now, my daughter, I do not wish 
you to think I am not in sympathy with you. I 
can assure you that I feel deeply concerned else I 
should not have spoken as I have. I shall do all 
in my power to comfort you in your bereavvment. 
But, for the sake of our name, upon which re- 
proach has never fallen, I most earnestly entreat 
you to forget this man.” 


15 


22 6 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

“ O, father ! How can you expect me to forget 
him who has been so kind and tender to me and 
so true to his mother. He has committed no 
fraud, he has committed no theft, and admitting 
he was guilty of murder this would reflect no dis- 
honor upon him.” 

“I think it would reflect great dishonor. The 
law attaches the greatest penalty to this offense, 
and I think Mr. Steadman may congratulate him- 
self that he was not hanged. I am truly sorry for 
his mother, and I want us to do all in our power to 
console her. She is indeed a noble woman and is 
to be pitied.” 

Lallie was greatly surprised at her father’s ad- 
vice and felt that it would be impossible for her to 
act upon it. 

“Lallie,” continued Mr. Burton, “I believe 
if you will look at this as I do you would not 
offer such a discredit to your own name as to cling 
to the affection of this man. Did you not know 
my child that the laws of every State regard you 
divorced from Mr. Steadman?” 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 22J 

“ Not if I wish to live with him. I should not 
think the law would be so unjust as to deny me 
the privilege of living with him if I so desired ; it 
may be grounds for obtaining a divorce, but I do 
not want one. They say that laws are founded 
upon justice, but if I was denied the privilege of 
claiming my dear husband when he is released I 
cannot see how such a law could be just.” 

“Yes, my daughter; but if the law regards 
the conviction of a man for a penal offense suffi- 
cient grounds for a divorce then the dignity of the 
law would be to some extent set aside if the par- 
ties entitled to a divorce did not accept or make 
application for it. The law presumes that no wife 
would desire to be bound to a husband who had 
been convicted of a penal offense is the reason this 
provision has been made. Now, my child; I am 
shocked to think that you wish to do just contrary 
to what the laws presume you would do. Laws, 
as you say, are founded upon justice ; that is, their 
principles are supposed to be, and generally are 
just. Now suppose Mr. Steadman is never re- 


228 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


prieved and that in the course of time you wished 
to marry another, would you assume to believe 
that it would be right for the law to hold you in 
allegiance to your first marriage contract? ” 

“ No, father,. I would not consider that a very 
just law; but my case not one of that kind. I do 
not wish, nor do I intend to marry another, I only 
wish to be allowed the privilege of exercising my 
own choice. Man may enact laws to hold himself 
in restraint by physical force, but he cannot legis- 
late upon the heart, he cannot legislate upon its 
affection. Love, like necessity, knows no law.” 

“ Lallie, you seem to forget that love some- 
times exists without reason. We frequently see 
where one loves when it is their duty to forget. 
When one loves that which it can never realize, 
and that which can never bless them, it is love 
without reason, and such, my child, I am forced 
to consider is your affection for Mr. Steadman.” 

“ Father, filial obedience is a divine injunction, 
but I fear you will constrain me to desecrate it if you 
attempt to persuade me to forget Mr. Steadman.” 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 22Q 

“I thought that you ‘were made of sterner 
stuff’. I have only attempted to show you what 
a disgrace and reproach you would bring upon our 
name by clinging to the affection of this man, who 
is a prisoner for life.” 

“ Well, father, your language has extorted this 
promise : That if, after the lapse of five years, I 
find that no reprieve can be obtained for Mr. 
Steadman I promise that I will try to forget him in 
the sense of ever having him as my husband, but 
to promise that I will forget him entirely, or never 
love him, is something that I can not, nor would 
not, for I would be promising something that I 
know I could not fulfill.” 

“ This is just like a woman. When once they 
love a fellow they are as blind as a bat to his 
faults.” 

** Yes, but we are generally sure that they are 
without fault before we love them. We try first 
to ascertain if a gentleman is worthy of our esteem 
before we bestow it. And when we find that we 
have been the victim of deceit we experience no 


230 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


regret in relinquishing that esteem, I assure you.” 

Here Mr. Burton dropped the conversation for 
he saw that Lallie’s feelings were too deep to 
accomplish his purpose. 

Clifton was in the State prison. He had been 
assigned light work in the laundry department. 
They never required the prisoners of long term to 
to do heavy work, in order that they might live 
out all or a greater portion of their' sentence. 
There were rewards offered for good conduct. 
One was the recommendation for pardon, and an- 
other was a large reduction of the original sentence, 
which was to be calculated upon the principle of 
compound interest. Upon a long sentence this 
gave more than one half reduction. 

But Clifton knew this compound reduction of 
time for meritorious conduct would never be the 
means of enabling him to live out the ninety-nine 
years sentence he had received, but he resolved to 
obtain all it could afford in the way of recommend- 
ing him for a reprieve. His large and beautiful 
moustache was shaved off, and the coarse and 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 23 1 

badly fitting clothes which were put upon him 
made a very material change in his appearance. 
He had been assigned a cell to himself which was 
supplied with a neat bed, but the first night of his 
incarceration he could not sleep, for his heart was 
almost bursting within his bosom. 

He thought of his old mother, whom he 
feared he would never meet again. He thought 
of his affectionate and beautiful Lallie, and his bril- 
liant prospects, all vanished and gone forever. 
He thought of the shame and disgrace that had 
fallen upon him ; how the cold, cruel world w.ould 
point the finger of scorn at him should he ever be 
liberated. He felt that death was many times 
more preferable than such a fate. This sad old 
world is filled with regrets and heartaches. 

In this melancholy state of feeling he attempt- 
ed to write to his mother upon a few blank leaves 
in the books he found in his cell. The letter began 
with a quotation from Byron, which he was espe- 
cially fond of reading, and concluded in his own 
simple rhymes. The letter was as follows : 


232 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS J 


“ Few are my years, and yet I feel 

This world was not designed for me. 

Ah ! why do darkening shades conceal 
The hour when man must cease to be ?” 

When I was an infant, mother, 

And you pressed my little hand, 

Did you think that it was ever 
Made to wear a shackled hand ?” 

Did you think when you had taught me 
To lisp the name of God in prayer, 

Did you think that I would ever 
Bring you to such bitter care ? 

But, alas ! I’m doomed to suffer 
The keenest pangs of human shame ; 

I’ve broken the hearts I loved most fondly* 
And brought disgrace upon our name. 

But He who feeds the little sparrows 
Numbers the hairs upon our heads, 

He will hear your cries of sorrow, 

And He will provide you bread. 

Ah, then, mother, let us trust Him ; 

He will strengthen and uphold, 

He will lift this burden from you, 

And calm the tempest in your soul. 

When I grow sick, and weak and weary* 
Who will bathe my aching head ? 

Who will care when I am dying ? 

Who will weep when I am dead ? 

With the prison stripes upon me 
Will they lay me here to sleep, 

With no funeral train to follow, 

And not a friend around to weep ? 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


233 

His heart became so full that he could not con- 
tinue. He could hear the groans and sighs of his 
fellow prisoners all around him, and at each hour 
the steward would tap the massive bell that hung 
in the watch tower, to see if the guards on duty 
were all awake. The guards would respond, 
“All’s well.!” one at a time giving the number of 
their respective stations. The solemn tones of 
this massive bell seemed as though it was tolling 
the knell of some departed spirit. 

“All’s well !” Clifton repeated to himself. No, 
no ! all is not well. The agonizing sighs I hear of 
the weary slaves shut out from the busy world, 
who may never breathe the sweet air of freedom 
again, does not indicate that “All’s well.” 

Not until these chains that bind me 
In this narrow prison cell, 

Severed by the hand of justice, 

Can I say that “All is well.” 

Not until the souls that languish 
In this wretched earthly hell 

Have been freed, if they deserve it, 

Can I say that “All is well.” 

Not until the little cottage 
Where my wife and mother dwell 






234 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


Finds me with them in freedom 
Can I say that “All is well.” 

Such were the feelings of the pure and noble- 
hearted young man during the first night of his 
prison experience. But time, the healer of all 
woes, poured its soothing balm upon his heart, 
and the hope he entertained of a reprieve made it 
possible for him to endure his wretched fate. 

Mr. Stanley was doing all in his power to ob- 
tain Clifton’s release. He went to Edgewood and 
procured the names of the jury and every officer of 
the court which convicted him upon a petition to the 
Governor for Clifton’s pardon, and in addition to 
these he secured the names of more than a thous- 
and citizens of the city in which he was convicted, 
and took it to the Governor and plead most earn- 
estly in Clifton’s behalf, but the Governor refused 
to interfere with the decision of the court and said 
that he would neither commute nor pardon under 
any of the evidence contained in the petition. 

Mr. Stanley was greatly disappointed, but never 
intimated it to Clifton or his wife and mother. 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


235 


A life-time in prison was now Clifton’s inevi- 
table fate. 

There was but one consoling feature in this un- 
merciful disaster, and that was that Clifton’s busi- 
ness was in the hands of one so warmly devoted to 
Lallie and Mrs. Steadman — Claude Bolton — who 
would surely see that they received their just dues 
from their property. 



CHAPTER XIV. 


“ And this is life : To live, to love, to lose ! 

To feel a joy stir, like an unsung soug, 

The deep, unwrit emotions of our souls ; 

Then, when we fain would utter it, we find 
Our glad lips stricken dumb. To watch a hope 
Climb like a rising star, ’till from the heights 
Of fair existence, it sends lustre down, 

Whose radiance makes earth’s very shadows shine, 
Then suddenly to see it disapper, 

Leaving a bleak, appalling emptines, 

In all the sky it did illuminate.” 

Thus it had proven with Clifton. One of the 
officers of the prison, who was impressed with 
Clifton’s intellect and manly traits of character, 
interceded, through the warden of the prison, the 
Governor for Clifton’s pardon. After receiving a 
reply similar to that which the Governor had made 
to Mr. Stanley, the officer thoughtlessly told 
Clifton, and from that time all hopes he had for- 
merly entertained of executive clemency were 
banished. 

Nearly two years had passed, and Clifton had 


238 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

received very few letters, and was permitted to 
write once in three months and then only to his 
immediate family. What business he transacted 
with Mr. Stanley was through hi§ wife or his 
mother. They did not visit Clifton as they were 
expecting him to be released, every month think- 
ing the time one month nearer. Mr. Stanley did 
not tell them of the Governor’s decision, but had 
told Mr. Bolton and Mr. Burton and had earnestly 
requested them not to inform Clifton’s family, as 
his mother had been quite feeble during all this 
time and he felt that she could not survive the 
shock. 

Claude Bolton had been very successful in the 
management of Clifton’s affairs, and regularly 
paid to Mrs. Steadman one-half of the net pro- 
ceeds of the business; but by request of Lallie, 
the portion that was due her he invested. 

A few days after Mr. Bolton had rendered his- 
last settlement with Mrs. Steadman he called at 
her home, but found that she had gone out to Mr.. 
Stanley’s where she was to remain several days. 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


239 

This w.as one of the many calls he had made 
during the time he had been attending to their 
business. 

Lallie and Mrs. Steadman were always glad to 
see him. In fact they had almost isolated them- 
selves from society. Mrs. Steadman was in very 
feeble health and Lallie had no heart for gayeties ; 
and Claude’s genial, honest face brought sunshine 
with it and cheered their lonely lives. He was a 
welcome visitor. 

Long before Lallie’s marriage Claude had been 
one of her most ardent admirers, but had never 
received any encouragement and had never told 
his love. It made his heart ache to see her droop- 
ing and downcast, and as Time, the healer of all 
sorrows, brought tranquility to her heart, the love 
that he had long cherished gained pre-eminence 
and was beyond his control. His first thought 
when he found Mrs. Steadman was not at home, 
was to leave immediately, but Lallie, who had 
learned to look upon him as a brother, insisted 
that he should be seated. It would have been 


240 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

rude to have refused, especially as she had inti- 
mated that she wished to talk to him on business. 

“ Mr. Bolton,” said Lallie, “I wish to tell you 
how very kind I think you have been to me. You 
have manifested great interest in. my business and 
in my welfare. My own brother could not have 
been more thoughtful of my happiness and welfare. 
I have often spoken to mother of this, and she, 
too, esteems you very highly. ” 

“Well, Lallie, I am indeed grateful to you 
for your estimation of me, and your appreciation 
of my kindness is an ample compensation for its 
bestowal. I ask no more.” 

“What I have expressed is only a small por- 
tion of what I feel. I very much regret that I can- 
not be more demonstrative ; but I am not by na- 
ture demonstrative, and I am sometimes silent 
when duty demands expression, but knowing me 
as you do, I feel assured you will not take my 
silence as evidence against my esteem. The busi- 
ness I wish to speak to you about is in reference 
to Mr. Steadman. My father has informed me 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


241 


that Mr. Stanley is now hopeless of his reprieve. 
Can you tell me anything about it?” 

“ Yes ; lam informed by Mr. Stanley that the 
Governor has positively refused to take any action 
upon Clifton’s case. Mr. Stanley has been to 
Edgewood and also to the capital, but has effected 
nothing, and he told me that he considered it a 
hopeless case. But I am sorry you have learned 
this, and it was not my intention to tell you ; but 
since you have been informed of it by your father, 
I hope that I can be pardoned for having said any- 
thing about it.” 

“Then, Mr. Bolton, you wished to keep me 
in ignorance of all this?” 

“ Why should I not? I would have kept you 
ignorant of any intelligence that might afflict you.” 

“ Well, Mr. Bolton, I have never considered 

it wise to feed the sad heart upon hopes that could 

never be realized. We are told ‘ the apprehension 

of the good gives but the greater feeling of the 

worst, ’ and again that ‘ hope deferred maketh the 

heart sick.’ There is nothing that relates to the 

16 


242 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

human heart any truer than this, so I should have 
esteemed it a great favor had you told me, and I 
cannot consider that Mr. Stanley has treated me 
right in pampering me upon false hopes.” 

“ Our silence may not have seemed wise to- 
you, but it was the import of our warmest affec- 
tion and solicitude.” 

“Mr. Bolton, I would not have you infer that 
I regard your action as any want of esteem, but it 
is my opinion that it was not the best. How can 
we become reconciled to an inevitable fate, if we 
are made to believe that it is not inevitable. When 
the heart is not cheated into vain hopes, and is 
made to feel that it must yield resignation, then be- 
gins its noble work and it becomes inured to its fate. 

“There appears to be a great deal of philoso- 
phy in your deductions, yet [ had never reasoned 
the matter from that standpoint.” 

“ I have for several months been entirely with- 
out hope of Mr. Steadman’s reprieve, and as far as 
it has been possible I have tried to banish him from 
my thoughts.” 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 243 

“Lallie, since you have taught me to be- 
lieve that keeping one in ignorance of what they 
shall sooner or later realize, is wrong, I feel free to 
say that I am sure you will never see Clifton a free 
man again. ” 

Mr. Bolton was silent. He believed that 
Clifton would never be liberated. Would it be an 
injustice to his friend for him to marry Lallie — to 
console and comfort her and shield her from harm. 
He hesitated — love gained the victory, and, having 
made his decision, he was ready to stand by it to 
the last. 

“ Mr. Bolton, why are you silent?” 

“I was thinking. You have confessed that I 
have been a warm friend to you, therefore I have 
a right to expect that you would pardon me should 
I unintentionally give offense. I have something 
I wish to tell you, but I cannot venture to do so 
without your consent.” 

“ How could you expect me to consent without 
knowing what it is ; but knowing you are my friend 
and a gentleman, you are at liberty to- tell me.” 


244 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

“It is this: I love you, and, loving you as I 
do, I wish to have the right to shield you from 
the world’s cold formality. You can make my 
life happy.” 

“Mr. Bolton, you really shock me. I am not 
prepared for the consideration of an offer of mar- 
riage, though it is made by one whom I have 
known and esteemed from my earliest childhood.” 

“I may appear premature, but my affection 
for you has assumed such immensity that I trust 
when it is wholly revealed I shall have no occa- 
sion to apologize. Why, Lallie, I have loved you 
almost from your infancy. You cannot so soon 
forget how I loved you before you even met 
Clifton. I never told you in words that I loved 
you, because you had not the friendship for me 
then that you have now. When I heard that you 
and Mr. Steadman were to be married I was sur- 
prised beyond expression. Not only surprised, 
but I was deprived of the brightest hopes of my 
life. And now, if it be my privilege to do so, I 
ask you to consider this proffer of my affection.” 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 245 

“ Mr. Bolton, I feel that it would be an unpar- 
donable desecration to the love I plighted Mr. 
Steadman to consider this offer of your heart in 
any way with success to your wishes. With all 
the shame and disgrace that rests upon him I love 
him still.” 

“ Lallie, I ‘would rather be a toad and feed 
upon the vapors of a dungeon;’ I would rather 
be banished forever to some uninhabited isle ; I 
would rather, yea, rather, choose the pain of death 
than to give offense to that heart that has been so 
burdened and mangled. It gives me pain to tell 
you, but the love you cherish for another is vain 
and useless. ’Tis as vain as seeking to recall the 
forms and phantasies of love’s young dream. You 
are hugging to your heart a sorrow that, like a 
ravenous vulture, is preying upon the vitals of 
your life, which might bless the life of him that’s 
thirsting for it. While I see you thus wasting this 
precious love, oh, let me come and bathe my 
aching heart ere the fountain of thy love has been 
exhausted upon one it can never bless or comfort.” 


2^6 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

“O, Mr. Bolton! I sympathize with you and 
esteem you highly. How could you appreciate 
the love of a heart like mine that has been so torn 
and so sadly broken ? ” 

“I would heal it and warm it into life again. 

I should strive to soothe its anguish and teach you 
to forget every pain you have ever felt, and make 
you happy in my love. Now, tell me that you,, 
will consider what I have said ; I will treat you 
kindly, a mother could not love her only babe 
more tenderly than I love you, most noble wo- 
man!” 

“I would not act with inconsistency to Mr. 
Steadman, I would not be false to him, nor do I 
wish to be unkind to you. I am convinced that 
you love me ; but O, I cannot tell you that I love 
you ! I have a feeling for you that I cannot very 
well describe, but I cannot call it love ; it may be 
only a very warm appreciation of your kindness.” 

“ I must leave you now, but before I go tell 
me I can be permitted to hope for a careful con- 
sideration of the proffer of my affection, and for 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 247 

your final decision as soon as you may be able to 
reach it with justice to us both.” 

“ It is not my wish to cause you any suspense, 
-and I will say that I will answer if I can when we 
meet again, provided it be not within the next day 
or two.” 

“ May God bless you, noble woman, and may 
he direct you in your answer. Good-bye. This 
has been a pleasant meeting to me, and I hope it 
may be my good fortune to repeat it soon.” 

Mr. Bolton left the house and walked hurriedly 
on his return to the store. 

After he had gone some distance from the 
house he saw Mr. Burton approaching, but did 
not meet him. Mr. Burton entered the house and 
found Lallie crying. He was greatly disturbed, 
and said : “Lallie, my child, why are you weep- 
ing ? Have you heard any bad news ? I saw Mr. 
Bolton leaving just as I was approaching; he has 
been with you some time, I guess, as I waited at 
the store quite awhile, and as he did not come 
concluded I would postpone my business with him 


248 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

till to-morrow. Ernest told me he came here 
on business with Mrs. Steadman ; now I know 
that Mr. Bolton has told you something unpleas- 
ant. Is it anything in reference to your business 
affairs?” 

“Father, I do not wish to evade you, but I 
would rather not answer your question.” 

“Well, my child, I demand that you tell me. 
It is my duty to advise and protect you.” 

“It is only this. He told me that he loved me,, 
and asked me to marry him.” 

“Well, my daughter, I know of no man more 
worthy to command your affection than Claude 
Bolton, and I do not believe you will be so blinded 
to your best interests as to reject his offer. He is 
one of the best business men I ever knew in my 
life, and indeed a noble, generous gentleman. 
While I do not consider it my duty to make 
matches for my children, my affection and deep- 
interest in their welfare gives me the right to> 
advise them.” 

“Father, to accept of Mr. Bolton’s affection 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


249 

would be inconstancy to Mr. Steadman, would it 
not?” 

“Is it possible, my child, that your affection 
still clings to that criminal ? Do you hesitate to 
banish him from your thoughts ? I am informed 
by good authority that Mr. Steadman will never 
be liberated. So you must become reconciled. 
His father is a drunken tramp, wandering about 
the country defrauding whom he can. He has de- 
serted a sacred post of duty and deserted his fam- 
ily; none of them know anything of his wherea- 
bouts. These are things that you know to be 
true ; then tell me, can you afford to sacrifice the 
dignity of our family, and to sacrifice your woman- 
hood to let Clifton Steadman or any of his family 
talk to you about inconstancy. I am proud of my 
aristocracy, and when I think that a child of mine 
would set such small value upon our name as to 
love a criminal in preference to a gentleman my 
very blood burns with humiliation. I have been 
charitable with you in your love for Mr. Steadman. 

I have been silent when it was my duty to have 


250 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

condemned. Now, must I sacrifice my affection 
for you, and my pride of ancestry, and remain 
silent. For God’s sake, and for your own, awake 
to your sense of duty. I only wish to present the 
facts to you and let you act for yourself. I want 
to assure you that I have not been instrumental in 
the offer Mr. Bolton has made you. I have never 
mentioned his name to you as an acceptable suitor 
until now. You know him as well as I do, and 
since I have performed my duty as a father in ad- 
vising you I leave you to decide for yourself.” 

“Father, you seem to misunderstand me. I 
did not say that I had not nor could not consider 
Mr. Bolton’s offer of marriage.” 

“ You admitted as much, my child, when you 
asked, would it not be an evidence of inconsis- 
tency to Mr. Steadman? You need only to be 
taught that the vain and useless hope that you 
cherish for his reprieve will never be realized. 
You have been made to believe that he will return 
to you. This I consider very wrong, for when 
disaster stands within our patfi ’tis useless to paint 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 25 I 

it as a blessing, for when it is to be met we are 
horrified. Such condolence I never offer to those 
I find hopelessly afflicted, or even momentarily 
aggrieved. I seek to present' their misfortune in 
its true likeness, and when it is met the heart, by 
its anticipation, has learned something of resigna- 
tion.” 

“Well, father, this is substantially my view. 
When any one is able to convince me that my con- 
stancy to the love of Mr. Steadman is vain or 
wrong then I shall experience no regret in banish- 
ing him from my thoughts. As to Mr. Bolton, I 
know of no man I would rather love, or who would 
be more thoughtful of me. He has been a dear, 
good friend, and I trust God will bless him.” 

“ Yes, with his tender love you will be happier 
than you ever have been. The affliction through 
which you have passed will serve to enhance the 
joys that his kindness will give. Now, my dear 
daughter, as a kind and affectionate father — one 
who has your interest at heart— can I not persuade 
you to awake to your duty. I am not attempting 


252 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

to persuade you to love anyone, but I do most 
earnestly entreat you to never think of that mur- 
derer, Clifton Steadman, again. Mr. Bolton has 
told you that he loves you, and you may believe 
him for he is a man too honest and high-minded 
to tamper with a woman’s affections ; and do not, 
my child, display your weakness for Clifton to 
him. ” 

“Father, I shall promise you nothing but that 
I shall think seriously of your advice, for I know 
there can be no selfish motive that actuates you in 
giving it, you have only my best interest at heart. 

I have been so greatly afflicted with sorrow that 
I must say I feel that I need a counselor and 
comforter. I shall deal honestly with Mr. Bolton, 
and shall strive to deal justly with myself.” 

‘ ‘ Lallie, I am happy to know that I have in a 
measure brought you to a realization of your duty. 

I shall be better satisfied when I know that you 
have given your heart to Mr. Bolton, for I know 
he will comfort and heal it. I must leave you 
now, my child, and I trust I have accomplished 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 253 

something for your good. When Mrs. Steadman 
returns, your mother and myself would be glad to 
have you visit us. You have certainly relieved 
me of a great mental burden, and you shall live to 
experience what a wise decision you have reached.” 

Mr. Burton left the house and drove away, 
leaving Lallie all alone to meditate. 

After he father had passed out of sight she re- 
turned to her room and began a consideration of 
her situation. She soliloquized thus : 

“ Does it become my duty to forget Clifton, 
though I shall never see him again ? Is it possible 
that I can ever forget my dear husband, who has 
always loved me so dearly and who loves me still ? 
Is it possible that Claude Bolton really loves me ? 
He tells me that he does. What right have I to 
doubt him ? He has proved a dear, good friend, 
and I can love him if I ever love at all again. It 
seems hard for me to realize that it is my duty to 
forget Mr. Steadman, though I have promised to 
try.” 

She was halting between two opinions ; she did 


254 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

not want to prove untrue to Clifton, and she did 
not want to cling to his memory if it was a re- 
proach upon herself and family. 

She finally decided that she would seek an in- 
terview with Mr. Stanley, and if he really thought 
that Clifton could never be pardoned she would 
sever her allegiance to him. 

Mr. Burton fully realized that he had accom- 
plished his intentions, that is, to teach Lallie to* 
discard the affection she cherished for Clitton. 
Mr. Burton called upon Mr. Stanley for the pur- 
pose of persuading him to tell Lallie the entire 
truth about Clifton. He was willing for Mrs. 
Steadman to be kept ignorant, but he wanted 
his daughter to know all, and he told Mr. Stanley 
that he had told Lallie, but wanted him to tell her 
also. Mr. Stanley agreed to do so. In a few days 
Mr. Stanley was invited to Lallie’s house, and he 
then revealed the whole truth to her, and told her 
that he would advise her to cherish no further hope 
of Clifton’s reprieve. 

“ I have exhausted every means known to our 


OR, a madman’s confession. 255 

profession to effect Mr. Steadman’s reprieve, and 
all my efforts have resulted in defeat,” said Mr. 
Stanley. 

“ I have great confidence in your integrity, Mr. 
Stanley, and I wish you to tell me just what you 
think of this. I do not want your sympathy to 
prompt you to withhold any information from me, 
no matter how disastrous you may consider it. I 
am tired of being kept in hopes of what appears to 
be hopeless. And I do not think you have done 
right to deceive me as you have.” 

“I only speak for myself when I say that I 
have not attempted to deceive you, nor any one 
else interested in Mr. Steadman’s welfare. The 
motive that prompted my silence was a true pater- 
nal affection for those so grievously afflicted by his 
misfortune, and I can assure you that I am very 
sorry that my position has been so misunderstood.” 

“ Mr. Stanley, I did not intend to give you 
offense when I said I had been deceived, and when 
I consider the feeling which prompted you and 
others to keep me ignorant of the true situation 


256 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

and nature of my distress I accept their course as 
a most gracious kindness and I certainly implore 
your forgiveness for having spoken harshly.” 

“ Lallie, you have no occasion to apologize. 
I take no offense when none is intended. I could 
not so far forget myself as to give sorrow and to a 
lady, and especially one I regard so highly as 
yourself. I feel that I have acted somewhat un- 
wisely in keeping you ignorant of Mr. Steadman’s 
prospects for a reprieve, and, since you request it, 
I will tell you. It is my candid opinion that he 
will never be favored' with a reprieve. The Gov- 
ernor has positively refused to extend executive 
clemency even in the nature of a commutation of 
sentence. So I would advise you to file an appli- 
cation for divorce, as I think it would be expected 
from your friends, and I will be glad to represent 
you in the petition. Your claims for a divorce 
would be valid and granted at once upon sufficient 
proof of Mr. Steadman’s conviction, which can be 
had from the records of the criminal court at 
Edgewood. ” 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 257 

“ Mr. Stanley, I hardly know what I should do. 
I do not want to act with any disrespect to Mr. 
Steadman, and I do not want you to incur public 
ridicule or act without any show of pride for my- 
self and my family.” 

“Well, I have advised as fully as I feel it my 
duty and I wish to say that this advice is offered 
without any disrespect to Clifton. I do not be 
lieve he is guilty nor could I be made to believe it, 
but it is impossible to produce any evidence that 
even so much as justifies a request for pardon. 
This is his misfortune, and our misfortune, and we 
must make the best of it. ” 

These words of Mr. Stanley’s, together with 
the influence that had been brought to bear upon 
her by her parents, and the tender and earnest 
pleadings of Claude Bolton had almost persuaded 
Lallie to believe that she had committed a crime 
to manifest any affection for Clifton. She was 
almost persuaded to give him up ; yet she felt that 
his name was dear to her, with all the shame and 
disgrace that now rested upon it. 


17 


258 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

She felt that life had no charms for her; all 
seemed darkness and gloom, not one ray of sun- 
shine to penetrate the darkness. When Mr. Bol- 
ton asked her to become his wife she could not en- 
dure the thoughts of marriage. Although she had 
been entreated by her parents to accept him, it 
was a hard matter for her to determine what was 
best to be done. She felt that the kindness of 
Mr. Bolton had awakened a feeling that could be 
nurtured till it^ assumed the proportions of love. 
Should she conquer this feeling or let it take its 


course ? 


CHAPTER XV. 


“Love rules the court, the camp, the grove, 

And men below, and saints above ; 

For love is heaven, and heaven is love.” 

Pride and duty may prescribe a course for love,, 
but neither can conquer or even weaken its ardor. 
This is more noticeable in woman. When once 
her heart has been awakened by love, it may be 
made to manifest an estrangement that some would 
term forgetfulness. Her filial affection arrd obedi- 
ence may constrain her to concealment, but the 
image of him whom she first loved can never be 
entirely banished from her memory. 

The gay and happy throng in which Lallie 
once moved had lost all of its attraction for her. 
The smile that plays upon her cheek gives no 
luster to her eyes, and her love for solitude all 
indicate that her love cannot be conquered. 

Lallie had been made to . believe that it was a. 


26 o 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


reproach to herself and family to cling to Mr. 
Steadman’s affection ; Claude Bolton told her that 
he was satisfied that Clifton could never be re- 
prieved, and Lallie had accepted it as her fate. 

Mr. and Mrs. Burton were also exerting every 
influence in their power to cause Lallie to abandon 
the hope of ever seeing Clifton again; they had 
pictured to her the disgrace it was to ever think of 
Jiving with him again. They tearfully entreated 
her to make application for a divorce, and to 
accept the offer Mr. Bolton had made her. 

Several weeks had passed since Mr. Bolton 
proposed, but Lallie could not make up her mind 
to accept him. Mrs. Steadman returned from Mrs. 
Stanley’s and immediately went to the country to 
spend several weeks with her sister, Mrs. Glad- 
well, and Lallie went to spend the time with her 
parents. 

Mrs. Steadman soon decided to give up her 
home in the city and make her home in the country 
with her sister. Lallie could not live alone, so 
their home was sold and she returned to her 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 26 1 

parents. She was then fully under the influence 
of her parents and in a short time they persuaded 
her to file an application for a divorce, and then to 
consent to marry Mr. Bolton. They wished even 
the marriage to be kept secret from Mrs. Steadman, 
who felt the coolness that they had manifested 
towards her, and would not be likely to visit them. 
They had tried to be kind to her, but the hostility 
they felt for her and Clifton was so great that they 
could not conceal it. They must do what they 
could to redeem their child’s name and uphold 
their family standing. 

They were gratified when Lallie regained some 
of her old-time buoyancy of spirit, and did all in 
their power to promote her happiness. At the 
close of a few weeks she told her mother that she 
had promised Mr. Bolton to marry him. Her 
only proviso was that the marriage should be a 
very quiet one. 

Lallie persuaded herself that she loved Claude, 
although there was ever present with her a con- 
sciousness of something lacking. Mr. Bolton had 


262 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

plead earnestly for her love, and felt satisfied with 
the feeling she manifested for him, for he knew that 
by nature she was not demonstrative. 

The marriage was to be very quiet. Only 
their immediate families, the Stanleys, and the 
minister’s family were invited. The bridal trous- 
seau was quite elegant and stylish, but very sub- 
dued in tone and color. 

Upon the day appointed for the marriage Mr. 
Bolton called to see Lallie. She kept him waiting 
in the reception room for some time, and when she 
made her appearance her manner was so formal 
and cool that Claude was astonished. He was 
silent for a few minutes and then exclaimed : 

“Why, Lallie, what troubles you? Are you 
not glad to see me ?” 

She raised her handkerchief to her eyes, and 
burying her face within her hands, wept as though 
her heart would break. Mr. Bolton arose from 
his chair, and kneeling beside her, gently took her 
hand. 


“Precious Lallie, you shock me. Tell me, I 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


263 


implore, why you weep so bitterly. The anticipa- 
tion of what this day would bring has made me 
truly happy ; but to see you weeping when I had 
expected to see you smiling, gives me grave appre- 
hensions.” 

“Mr. Bolton, forgive me.” Here she burst 
into a flood of tears and could not continue. 

“Tell me what I shall forgive. Tell me why 
you weep, and let me mingle my tears with 
yours ?” 

“ Oh, Mr. Bolton, how can I bear to tell you? 
Why had I not died before I came to this. If I am 
worthy will you forgive me when I tell you that 
I do not love you ; and ask you to release me from 
my promise to marry you. I am sorry that I 
promised to marry you ; not that I do not con- 
sider you worthy of my affection, but that I feel 
that I can never love you as I should to become 
your wife.” 

“ Do you regard me a child or imbecile? Am 
I to be betrayed and humiliated. I feel that I 
liave deserved a more kindly fate. If you do not 


264 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

love me I do not wish to marry you. Is it possi- 
ble that I am deceived in one whom I regard the 
purest of the pure. It is a late hour to tell me 
that you do not love me. The arrangements for 
our marriage have all been made, and what will 
my friends and family think if it is not to be. I 
do not see how you are to retrieve this wrong you 
have done me. I deserve no such treatment at 
your hands. I have been a friend to you, and I 
have loved you with all the devotion of an honest 
heart. Woman, fair but treacherous, tell me what 
you mean?” 

Lallie was silent for a few minutes. She was- 
moved by his suffering, and knew that she could 
make him happy. Clifton was beyond her reach. 
Why make another miserable, and also bear the 
reproach of her own family. She had regained 
her tranquility and calmly replied : 

“Mr. Bolton, forgive me; I did not mean ta 
say that I did not love you.” 

“Then tell me why you wished to be released, 
from your obligations to me. Tell me why you 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


265 


permitted me to believe that you loved me, and 
why you promised to marry me? If this is the 
reward for my affections I shall bid you adieu, 
hoping that I will never see your face again.” 

He arose to leave her, but she called to him, 
saying : 

“Mr. Bolton, do not leave me; I would not 
afflict you. I can explain my feeling, I hope, and 
yet prove myself true to you. When I came in 
my thoughts inadvertantly turned to the day I 
married Mr. Steadman, and I was so overcome 
with emotion that I spoke as I did. It was in 
this very room we met upon that day, and could 
you for a moment assume the feelings I had, I 
would not be so bewildered to explain myself. 
Don’t you know I could not be so heartless as to 
really mean what I have said.” 

“ It is extremely painful to me to have you 
refer to this at this hour, and I feel that you do 
not love me or you would have no forebodings of 
unhappiness. I leave the matter entirely with 
you, and I advise you ere it is too late to tell me 


266 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


candidly if you really love me, and if you think 
you will be happy in my affection ; if so I will 
proceed with the marriage, if not I will tell our 
friends that we will not be married to-night, and 
refer them to you for the reason.” 

“Mr. Bolton, I am at a loss to explain my 
feelings ; I could not be so unkind as to subject 
you to such humiliation. I do love you or I would 
not have permitted you to believe that I did, and 
the momentary feeling that seized and so* com- 
pletely subdued me can be forgiven if it be possi- 
ble for you to appreciate my peculiar position. No, 
I could not be so forgetful of your kindness to me 
as to intentionally accept your affection, and at the 
last moment cast it ruthlessly away, bringing hu- 
miliation that no act of my future life could re- 
dress. I have promised to become your wife and 
have prepared to marry you to-night ; so, if it be 
possible for you to forgive me, I wish you to pro- 
ceed with the marriage.” 

“I can readily forgive you with this explana- 
tion, and hope that by my kindness and affection I 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 20*] 

may be able to make you happy. I wish you to 
feel that your course is no disrespect to Mr. Stead- 
man. I know that you will at times have sad 
thoughts, but when you have resolved to do your 
duty, you will find it will give you happiness. His 
misfortune should not spoil our lives. We have 
done all for him that could be done, and to forever 
brood over what is irreparable would not be wise. 
I only appreciate you the more to know how 
reluctantly you relinquish your affection for him, 
but since you have done this, and since you have 
given me your heart, I feel that its devotion should 
be mine ; and loving you so tenderly, I readily 
forgive your momentary forebodings, and ask 
you to lean now upon me. I shall strive to shelter 
you from all the pitiless storms of sorrow.” 

Lallie did not love Mr. Bolton, as was plainly 
evinced by this demonstration. She had been so 
influenced by the eloquence of his wooing and by 
her parents, that she had promised to marry him. 
She could not endure to subject him to the mortifi- 
cation that it would give to refuse to marry him at 


268 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


this late hour, so she had to confess that she loved 
him, or sacrifice her integrity and womanhood. 
She had a feeling for him so warm in its nature, 
which had been produced by his great kindness to- 
iler, that she had recognized it as love. Having 
discovered her mistake she determined to make 
the best of it. 

The marriage took place that night at the 
residence of Mr. Burton. Lallie having made her 
decision stood by it, and the most critical could not 
have found fault with her demeanor, and Mr. and 
Mrs. Burton congratulated themselves upon their 
good management. 

Clifton Steadman and his mother were kept 
ignorant of the marriage, through the kindness of 
their friends, but several weeks after it had taken 
place, Mrs. Steadman saw a description of it in an 
old paper, which her sister overlooked and failed 
to destroy. She knew that Clifton would hear of 
it some time, and decided that she could break it 
to him more carefully than anyone else. So she 
immediately wrote her son the sad intelligence. 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 269 

Imagine his grief! Had his death warrant 
been read to him it could not have given him 
more anguish than the knowledge of his adored 
wife being untrue to him. 

The last ray of hope that had so long shone 
upon his wretched life was now gone. He had 
been sustained by the hope of reprieve and the 
thought that with all the world’s bitter frowns that 
there was one true to him, but now she, too, 
had deserted him. Forsaken and forgotten, dis- 
graced and in prison, he felt that death was pref- 
erable to his lot. But, those who sorrow most, 
if their sorrow is not the outgrowth of their own 
sin, shall receive the brightest crown and the rich- 
est reward. 





CHAPTER XVI. 


Time rolled on, and nothing was accomplished 
in Clifton’s behalf. His fate seemed to be inevi- 
tably fixed — that he was to drag out a miserable 
existence within the prison walls. 

Mr. Bolton had been strictly honest in his set- 
tlements with Mrs. Steadman, and she had an in- 
come that was sufficient for all comforts and many 
luxuries. She always kept money on deposit at 
the prison so that Clifton could purchase whatever 
conveniences or luxuries he was allowed to indulge 
in. She took Lallie’s marriage very hard, but 
did not censure her, for she knew only too well 
the influence that had been used to bring it about. 
She was still doing all that her willing hands found 
to do, and was to her sister and family a never 
failing source of comfort. 

Happiness and prosperity fell to the lot of 
Claude Bolton. He now had the means of his 


272 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

wife at his command, and under his management 
the business had already been largely increased, 
and he bade fair in a few years to rank among the 
millionaires. 

While Lallie did not love him she made him 
happy in the belief that she did. There was a 
secret sorrow that preyed heavily upon her heart. 
She had lost much of the animation that had made 
her so attractive, and her beauty was gradually 
fading; but this change was so gradual that those 
who saw her every day did not perceive it. If 
asked how she felt, her answer invariably was, 
“ Quite well.” She spent a large portion of her 
time reading and visiting the sick, and did many 
kind acts for the poor and unfortunate. She did 
all in her power to make those around her happy, 
and in so doing was happier herself. 

Mr. Bolton, stimulated by the success he had 
achieved in business, redoubled his efforts, and 
seemed ever to have his mind burdened with 
speculations. Under such heavy strain his con- 
stitution, which was never strong, gave way. He 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


273 

’had never complained, and Lallie could not realize 
that his health was badly impaired until the crisis 
came. 

One day early in the spring Mr. Bolton came 
home during business hours. This was so unusual 
that Lallie hastened to meet him. As he entered 
the house she observed the deadly pallor of his 
countenance and exclaimed : 

“ Oh, Claude ! What is it? Are you sick?” 

“Yes, dear. I shall have to lie down as soon 
as possible ; but do not be uneasy about me. This 
faintness will soon wear off.” 

“ I hope it will ; but you must see a physician. 
I will send for dear old Dr. Brown ; he is so suc- 
cessful and wise he will soon have you well. But 
first let me assist you to bed.” She saw that he 
was comfortable and immediately sent a servant 
for the doctor. 

When she returned to the bedside of her hus- 
band he was so still she thought he was asleep, 
but he opened his eyes, smiled, and said : 

“ Dear little wife, I am better already. If you 

- 18 


274 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; v 

will only stay near me I will go to sleep . ,r 

“Never fear that I will leave you, dear; my 
post of duty is at your side.” 

He seemed to sleep again, and when Dr. Brown 
came had to be aroused. The good old doctor 
looked solemn after examining his patient. When 
he left the room Lallie followed him, and begged 
to know his opinion of Mr. Bolton’s condition. 

“Mrs. Bolton, I am very sorry I cannot give 
you a more encouraging report; but Mr. Bolton 
is w in imminent danger. It will require close 
watching and skillful treatment to bring him back 
to health. His nerves are shattered and he is 
completely prostrated, and he must have perfect 
quietude. I will consult with the most eminent 
physician in the city, and we will see that all that 
skill can do shall be done. Do not lose hope, Mr. 
Bolton’s case is not necessarily fatal, and I hope 
to be able to restore him in a few weeks.” With 
these few words of encouragement he hurried 
away. 

Truly poor Lallie’s cup of sorrow was full to 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 27$ 

the brim, but, like the brave little woman she had 
ever been, stood firmly at the post of duty and 
watched and comforted her husband through his 
long illness. 

He grew gradually worse, and all the skill of 
the physicians and the prayers of loved ones could 
not turn the white -winged messenger away. 

Through all of Claude’s sickness he had refused 
to allow Lallie to leave him. 

Two weeks from the time Claude took his bed, 
as the glory of the setting sun departed and the 
shades of evening were gathering, the spirit of 
Claude Bolton took its flight. His last words were 
to his beloved wife, and his last look was upon her 
whom he loved above all others. 

“ There is no flock, however watched and tended, 

But one dead lamb is there. 

There is no fireside, howsoe’er defended, 

But has one vacant chair.” 

“ There is no death. What seems so is transition. 

This life of mortal breath 

Is but a suburb of the life elysian, 

Whose portal w T e call death.” 



CHAPTER XVII. 


The beautiful and accomplished Mrs. Bolton so 
young and yet twice a widow, was beginning to 
droop under her many sorrows. During the few 
months that she was associated with Mr. Bolton 
she had learned to regard him with an affection 
that was loyal and tender, but there was ever pres- 
ent with her a feeling of injustice to Clifton, and 
this caused her to regret the loss of poor Claude 
less than could have been expected. 

The early spring had advanced, and all the 
flowers were in full bloom, but still the roses did 
not return to Lallie’s cheeks. 

Mr. and Mrs. Burton were ever watchful of 
their daughter’s health, and determined to take her 
to a celebrated watering-place. When Mr. Bur- 
ton spoke of going Lallie manifested no interest, 
but said : 

“My dear father, I do not care to go any- 


278 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

where, but if you think it best I will go. I want 
to get well and strong, and be able to show you 
and mother that I appreciate your untiring kind- 
ness and sympathy.’^ 

“Well, have your things all packed to-day and 
we will get off on the early train in the morning.” 

“So soon as that, father?” 

“Yes, my child, there is no use in making ex- 
tensive preparations; we can purchase anything 
we may need in New York or Philadelphia, for we 
will not be too far from them to do so.” 

“Well, father, I will be ready,” assented Lal- 
lie, sadly. Her father’s enthusiasm had failed to 
awaken her interest in their anticipated trip. 

On the following morning Mr. and Mrs. Bur- 
ton and Lallie took their departure. 

Since the death of Mr. Bolton Ernest Burton 
had been in full control of the large business. 
While Ernest did not possess the executive ability 
of his predecessor he had received a thorough bus- 
iness education, and was fully competent to keep 
the business running smoothly. He had assumed 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


279 


the responsibility of his father’s family during his 
absence, and with the assistance of the excellent 
old housekeeper and their well-trained servants he 
had very little trouble. The younger children 
were at school, and in the evening all met for their 
usual pastime games, music, and lively repartee. 

Happy children, gather ye the roses, and gar- 
ner the sunshine ; be happy while you may. 

One evening after they had finished their games 
and there was a momentary lull in the conversa- 
tion, Mary said : 

“ Ernest, I have been thinking about Clifton 
to-day. You know he used to join in our romps, 
and was always so kind-hearted and good to every- 
body. I cannot believe he killed that man out in 
the West. Can you ?” 

“No, I do not believe it. Clifton is as inno- 
cent of that crime as I am.” 

“And I don’t b’lieve it, either,” said Joe. 

Little Arthur was silent, and seemed to be 
thinking. 

“ What do you think, Arthur?” enquired Joe. 


280 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


“ Well, I just think we ought to go out there 
and break that prison door down, and bring Clifton 
home.” 

All were amused at this, but as Arthur was so- 
earnest they would not laugh at him. 

“I believe that Clifton will be cleared some 
time,” said Mary, “and then Lallie will be like 
her old self again.” 

“ I wish,” said Arthur, “ that mamma, papa and 
Lallie would come home.” 

Just then Mrs. Smith, the kind old housekeep- 
er, made her appearance, and called out, “Bed- 
time, children ; we’ve had fun enough for one 
evening.” 

The tired little ones were very well satisfied to- 
retire to rest, and Ernest, who goes early to busi- 
ness, is also ready to woo balmy sleep. 

Spring passed, and lovely summer, with her 
luscious fruits and profuse foliage, was at hand, 
and still Lallie had improved very little. She had 
intended to exclude herself from society entirely,, 
but that is almost impossible at a fashionable 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 28 1 

watering-place. The gay society about her some- 
times entertained, but much oftener wearied her. 
The subject of her thoughts was far away in prison. 

“ Will he forgive me? Can he forgive me?” 
were questions that constantly presented them- 
selves to her mind. 

“ Hope springs eternal in the human breast.” 

Unconsciously she was sustained by the hope 
of Clifton’s reprieve, when she was trying to teach 
her heart that there was no hope. 

When the June roses faded she begged her par- 
ents to take her home, but they feared the conse- 
quences, and proposed to travel for a while. Lallie 
perceptibly brightened when this was mentioned, 
thus betraying her secret. She thought that her 
parents might be persuaded to go West, and she 
would be allowed to visit Clifton. 

Mr. Burton felt that it was useless to try to 
restore a lost hope, and after traveling for seveial 
weeks went home. 

At first Lallie seemed to improve, but soon 
returned to the same listless state. She asked to 


282 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


be allowed to visit Mrs. Steadman, and much to 
her surprise her wish was granted. Her parents 
thought she would not be with them long, and 
they could not deny her anything. Arrangements 
were made for her to go at once. 

Imagine Mrs. Steadman’s surprise when Lallie 
and Ernest drove up to the gate. She ran out to 
meet them, exclaiming : 

“Why, Lallie, is it possible that you have 
come to see me at last ?” 

Yes, mother, I have been longing to see you 
and could not be satisfied to stay away.” 

“Come in, you must lie down — you look so 
tired and weak. Come in, Ernest.” 

“Thank you, Mrs. Steadman; I would gladly 
do so, but have business engagements that cannot 
be delayed. I will come back for Lallie.” 

“No, do not send for her. I will send her 
home when she is ready to go. I want her to 
stay as long as she will. Am sorry that you can- 
not come in.” 

She took Lallie to her own cool room. It was 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 283 

large and airy, and through the open windows the 
delicate perfume of the white honeysuckle was 
borne. Lallie removed her hat and gloves and at 
Mrs. Steadman’s earnest solicitation took the re- 
clining chair and made herself very comfortable. 

“Now, mother, first of all, tell me about dear 
Clifton. I cannot hear anything from him.” 

“He is well and keeps up a brave heart. 
Your marriage was a sad blow to him, but I ex- 
plained to him, as well as I could, the circum- 
stances and he has borne up wonderfully. I will 
give you his last letter to read.” 

When Lallie finished reading the letter large 
tears were streaming down her cheeks and she was 
so overcome with emotion that she could not 
speak. After she became more composed she 
said ; 

“ Mother, do you think Clifton can ever for- 
give me for marrying Mr. Bolton ?” 

“ His love has never changed and his magnani- 
mity knows no bounds. This is my day for writing 
to him, and if you would like you can write also.” 


284 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

“ I will be so glad to write. I will begin now.” 

After the letters were dispatched they had 
luncheon and took a stroll in the woods. 

The next morning Mrs. Steadman proposed 
sending for Lallie’s wardrobe and keeping her 
several weeks in the country. To this she readily 
assented. Her greatest pleasure was talking about 
Clifton, and no one could enter into her feelings as 
fully as Mrs. Steadman. 

In due course of time an answer to their letters 
came and Lallie felt that a heavy load had been 
lifted from her heart. Clifton still loved her and 
had forgiven her. She spent long hours rambling 
through the woods with the Gladwell children, or 
sought some favorite nook, “where, in bowers 
builded by nature’s hand, inlaid with flowers and 
roofed with ivy, on the mossy seats, reclining,” 
she indulged fond hopes or whiled away the hours 
in sweet converse with old books. 

Lallie was much happier than she had been 
since the day that Clifton first bade her farewell at 
their cottage gate, but she could not subdue the 


OR, a madman’s confession. 


285 


longing to be with her first and only true love. 

When the time came for her to leave the coun- 
try she was reluctant to do so, but knew that it 
wuold not do to remain longer. When she left she 
promised to return at an early day. 

Mr. and Mrs. Burton were pleased to find 
Lallie so much improved. She was so much 
stronger that she soon fell into the old routine of 
family pleasures and duties. 

Thus the summer passed. The blue veils of 
of Indian summer float about, seeming to hold the 
sunlight imprisoned as in chains. Still she sees no 
prospects of her fond hopes being realized. 

Autumn comes — 

“ The mellow year is hast’ning to a close; 

The little birds have almost said their last ; 

Their small notes twitter in the dreary blast — 

That shrill-piped harbinger of early scows ; — 

The patient beauty of the scentless rose, 

Oft with the morn’s hoar crystal, quaintly glassed, 
Hangs a pale mourner for the summer past, 

And makes a little summer where it grows.” 









f 









CHAPTER XVIII. 


Nearly three years had dragged by their weary 
course since Lallie parted from Clifton and almost 
a year had elapsed since poor Claude Bolton had 
been laid to rest. 

This day seemed to Lallie peculiarly sad. 

“ Give sorrow words, the grief that does not speak 

Whispers the o’er fraught heart and bids it break.” 

“ Is there no real happiness in this life? I, 
who have wealth and every luxury, but money can- 
not drive away the dark clouds that overshadow 
my young life. No money can purchase peace 
and happiness. Are human hearts ever broken 
twice?” Ah, “love of woman surpassing all 
words, sorrow of woman beyond all tears. ” 

She had loved him better than her own life, 
and yet he was taken from her. 

At such moments, when her heart seemed too 
full for utterance, it found voice in music, and on 


288 


HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 


this occasion, as on many others, she found conso- 
lation at her piano. As the sweet, sad strains of 
Mendelssohn’s “Song Without Words” were 
borne upon the breeze, she was conscious of some 
one entering the room. As she arose from the 
piano the servant announced Mr. Stanley. He 
advanced and greeted her with a warm grasp of 
the hand. “ I am glad to see you, Mr. Stanley. 
Be seated.” 

“Thanks; I liked the piece you were playing 
so well that I waited at the door to hear some of 
its sweet strains. I would ask you to repeat it, 
but I came to bring you glad tidings.” 

“Glad tidings? Is it — about Clifton?” she 

exclaimed breathlessly. 

“Yes, Lallie, it is of Clifton. He is innocent ! ” 

“Oh, I am so thankful ! These tears of joy 
show my gratitude. I knew that he was innocent ; 
but can they prove it?” 

“Yes. Here is a letter from Judge Palmer. I 
will read you. You will perceive from it that he 
will be cleared.” He then read the following : 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 289 

Edgewood, November 4th, 18 — . 
Mr. L. C. Stanley, Gunville. 

My Dear Sir : — Yesterday morning Mr. Gordon, 
your assistant counsel in the Steadman case, came 
to my office in company with a man claiming to be 
the father of Clifton Steadman, who was convicted 
fora term of ninety-nine years in the State’s prison 
for the murder of a Mr. Clayton. The man has 
just been dismissed from the lunatic asylum. He 
appears perfectly sane, and has made a statement 
that appears so clear that I cannot help believing 
that you should be advised of it. 

Enclosed you will find this man’s statement in 
full. 

I am sir, yours truly and respectfully, 

J. L. Palmer, 
Judge of District Court. 

‘ ‘ I will now read you the confession of Clif- 
ton’s father, written by his own hand, and sworn 
to and subscribed before a notary public,” re- 
marked Mr. Stanley, after having read the letter 
from Judge Palmer. 


19 


29O HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

william g. steadman’s confession. 

My name is William G. Steadman. I am the 
father of Clifton Steadman, who has been convict- 
ed for the murder of Albert Clayton. 

I came to Edgewood about four years and 
a half ago, as a tramp, and was given employment 
by Mr. Clayton, for whom I was working as host- 
ler when my son Clifton was brought to Mr. Clay- 
ton’s stable and introduced to him by Claude 
Bolton. Standing just outside of Mr. Clayton’s 
office when this introduction took place I recog- 
nized this Clifton Steadman to be my son. 

The team he hired from Mr. Clayton to drive 
out and look at the land and herds north of Edge- 
wood had been made my special charge. Mr. 
Clayton consented to let him have this team, al- 
though he never let them even to his most inti- 
mate friends. 

My son told him he would be responsible for 
any damage done them while in his service. Then 
I was ordered by Mr. Clayton to harness them. 
My son was out all' day with them and when he 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 2gi 

returned in the evening, one of the horses, Chester 
by name, was limping. 

Mr. Clayton was very much incensed when he 
saw it, and demanded of my son a forfeit of three 
hundred and fifty dollars for the horse. After 
some bitter and insulting words from Mr. Clayton 
my son paid the money, but threatened to have 
the worth of it in revenge. My son then left the 
stable and was soon followed by Mr. Clayton. I 
lost sight of Clifton, but followed Mr. Clayton to 
the postoffice, and demanded my son’s money. 
When he refused I became so enraged that I mur- 
dered him. 

The money I took from Mr. Clayton’s person 
was soon spent for whiskey. I drank to such an 
extent that I had delirium tremens, which resulted 
in insanity. It was my intention to give the 
money back to my son the next day and tell him 
who I was. I knew the horse was lame when I 
took him from the stall, but I cannot tell why I 
denied it unless it was that I feared by taking 
sides with a stranger Mr. Clayton might question 


292 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

the cause, for I knew that he would not believe me 
if I told him that the horse was lame. One of the 
men who worked in the stable with me saw the 
stranger give me a coin and had I denied that the 
horse was lame this man would have told Mr. 
Clayton that it was because the stranger had given 
me the coin. I once had large possessions, which 
I lost by going the security of a friend, and this 
loss drove me to drink, which caused me to drift 
so low that I deserted my family and assume the 
name of William G. Proctor, but was only known 
as Old Prock while I worked for Mr. Clayton, I 
have discovered since my release from the asylum 
that my son has been convicted for the murder of 
Clayton, which I committed, and for which I am 
now ready to answer, though it be death. 

God has by His reclaiming grace brought me 
to repentance and my son shall not suffer for an 
offense which I committed. I make affidavit and 
swear that this statement and confession is sub- 
stantially true. William G. Steadman, 

Alias Wm. G. Proctor, alias Old Prock. 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


293 


When Mr. Stanley had concluded the reading 
of this confession Lallie could scarcely control her- 
self, and, after many expressions of joy, said : 

“ Will my dear Clifton come home right away? 
Will he be here within a week, do you suppose ?” 

“No, he will not be released so soon as that. 
I will go out to Mrs. Gladwell’s this afternoon and 
tell Mrs. Steadman, and to morrow I will leave 
for Edgewood.” 

“ It will be such a relief to Mrs. Steadman to 
know that Clifton will come home. But will they 
not convict his father?” 

“ He will be arrested. I suppose he is now 
under arrest. He will be tried, but I will acquit 
him on the plea of insanity, which I think I can 
establish without any difficulty. ” 

“Mr. Stanley, do you really believe that they 
will release Clifton upon his father’s confession?” 

“Why, certainly they will, when they have 
sufficient proof and identification.” 

“ Do go at once and let mother know that she 
shall yet be happy.” 


294 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

“Yes, I will; I have no time to delay.” 

“Mr. Stanley, God never made a nobler man 
than you. You have indeed been a friend to 
Clifton, to his mother and father and to myself. 
What a happy world we would have if all men 
were like you, Clifton and my father.” 

“Thank you for the compliment. While I 
feel that I do not merit such estimation as you 
put upon me, I appreciate it, because I know I 
have done all I could and will continue to do so. 
The approval of one’s own conscience upon his 
life affords a joy that is well worth striving for. 
Now do not become impatient, all will be well in 
the end. ” 

Mr. Stanley left the house and drove hurriedly 
out to Mr. Gladwell’s. 

The next morning he left for Edgewood, and 
when he arrived there he learned that Mr. Stead- 
man had been arrested. Mr. Gordon, Judge 
Palmer and a number of their friends accompanied 
him to the jail, and the Sheriff brought Mr. Stead- 
man out to see if he would recognize Mr. Stanley 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 295 

in the crowd which stood inside the jail. As soon 
as he had passed out of the door of his cell, be 
fore the Sheriff had time to ask him anything, he 
ran to Mr. Stanley and grasped his hand exclaim- 
ing : * ‘ Lawrence, did you ever think I would have 
come to this? I have been a demon and am not 
worthy of your notice, still less worthy of your 
friendship.” Wiping the tears that were dropping 
fast from his eyes, he continued: 

“But with all my sin God has forgiven me, 
and I trust that he will yet allot me sufficient time 
to redeem in a measure the wretched life I have 
spent, and to heal the hearts I have broken since 
I saw you last.” 

“Mr. Steadman, with all your sin I forgive 
you, because I know that you have been, and will 
yet be, a man worthy of the confidence and esteem 
of the best and truest.” 

Mr. Stanley knew this was sufficient to satisfy 
the sheriff that he knew the prisoner, and turning 
to him asked if he would allow the gentlemen to 
retire, and concede him the privilege of a few mo- 


296 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

ments conversation with Mr. Steadman, to which 
the sheriff consented. 

The men all left, followed by the sheriff and 
turnkey, who closed and locked the heavy door 
at the bottom of the stairway. 

After a long conversation, in which Clifton’s 
trouble, his marriage, and his great success in 
business, and the plans and details of the defense 
which he was to make upon Mr. Steadman’s case, 
he returned to the hotel to take a few hour’s rest. 

He then took Mr. Steadman’s affidavit, and 
that of all who were instrumental in the conviction 
of Clifton, and forwarded them to the Governor, 
who sent Clifton’s reprieve to the warden of the 
prison and notified Mr. Stanley of it. 

Mr. Steadman’s confession had caused the 
grand jury to indict him for murder, and as it was 
yet a few days before the convening of the crim- 
inal court in which Mr. Steadman would be tried, 
Mr. Stanley went to the prison to see Clifton on> 
business, and to rejoice with him in his liberation. 
After bidding him farewell and God speed he re- 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 


297 

turned to Edgewood to prepare for Mr. Steadman’s 
defense. 

Clifton Steadman was now a free man, and 
when he alighted from the train at Gunville he was 
overwhelmed by conflicting emotions. He had 
much to be thankful for, yet there was much to 
regret. He was free, but his father was a pris- 
oner; and Lallie, his first, true and only love, was 
not his wife; but he must see her at once, yet he 
dreaded the meeting. Mr. Stanley had written 
Lallie that Clifton would be home that day, so 
she was expecting him. Every noise she heard 
startled her, and every time the door-bell rang and 
he did not come her excitement increased. The 
train was delayed and he was late, but at last her 
weary vigilance was rewarded. He did not wait 
to be invited in, but hurried to the drawing room 
where he felt sure Lallie would be. 

-Lallie!” 

-Clifton ! O, Clifton, at last you are here ! ” 

She threw her arms around his neck, and as he 
clasped his arms around her, and drew her to his 


298 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

breast, imprinting a kiss upon her pale lips, he 
said : 

“ My own precious wife ! ” 

All differences were forgotten. All the suffer- 
ing and misery obliterated. 

There were many questions to be asked and 
answered, and an hour slipped by all too soon. 

Mr. and Mrs. Burton came in and congratu- 
lated Clifton and extended him an invitation to 
remain with them that night. 

“We will be glad to have you remain,” added 
Mrs. Burton. 

“Thank you, mother; but late as it is I must 
go to the country to-night. There is one waiting 
and watching for me who must not be disap- 
pointed.” 

He kissed Lallie good-bye and gave Mrs. Bur- 
ton a warm grasp of the hand. Mr. Burton fol- 
lowed him to the door and told him that he had 
consulted a lawyer and ascertained that he would 
have to marry Lallie again before she would be 
legally his wife. 


OR, A MADMAN’S CONFESSION. 299 

“Yes, I understand. Mr. Stanley advised 
the same course. I will arrange for a quiet mar- 
riage to-morrow, if it will suit you and Mrs. Bur- 
ton.” 

“ It will suit us any time. Bring Mrs. Stead- 
man with you. We will only have the two fami- 
lies.” 

“Thank you and good night.” 

As Clifton had expected his mother was wait- 
ing for him. Her joy was beyond words. 

The next day the marriage was consummated 
and immediately Clifton set to work to get his 
business in order. In so doing he discovered that 
Mr. Lapell’s finances were in a condition for his 
father to regain all the money he had lost by him 
very nearly five years ago. 

In a few days the good news came flashing over 
the wires: 

William G. Steadman is cleared ! 

Mr. Lapell knew he would have this old debt 
to pay, and he preferred doing so without going 
through the usual process of law. This he did, 


300 HALTED BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS; 

paying the money over to Clifton. With this 
money Clifton redeemed their old home and furni- 
ture, and preserved as much of the old home ap- 
pearance and magnificence as possible. 

The merry Christmas was near at hand, and 
Clifton and Lallie worked hard to have everything 
in readiness to celebrate it at the old homestead. 

Mr. Steadman came on Christmas eve, and 
was welcomed by his loving wife, Clifton and 
Lallie. 

They had suffered much, but peace, happiness 
and prosperity was their reward. 

“ This might serve to teach us that there are 
misfortunes clothed with dignity and sorrows that 
are crowned with grandeur. As the same bright 
sky smiles above the ruin as smiles above the per- 
fect structure, so the same beneficent Providence 
bends above our shattered and our answered 
prayers.” 


[the end.] 




. 1i 'N 





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\ 


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N 







A REFLECTION. 

It needs no perception to see that a 
customer who goes away satisfied is the 
best possible advertisement we can 
have. It is the best in two ways. It 
costs us nothing and it is most profita- 
ble. We want advertising of all kinds — 
all good kinds — but most of it costs 
money. Therefore when we find good 
advertising which costs nothing we are 
going to get ail we can. That is the 
reason we make every customer 

A SATISFIED CUSTOMER 

All we ask is a fair inspection of our 
Men’s Boys’ and Children’s Clothing, 
Gents’ Furnishing Goods and Hats. We 
carry the most varied line of Negligee 
Shirts, Puff Shirts and neckwear in this 
city. J. L. Chalifoux & Co. 

First Ave., Birmingham, Ala. 


The SMITH BOOT & SHOE CO. 

THE LEADING 
SHOE 
DEALERS 

Offer the Largest Stock in the State 
at Low Prices 


Mail Orders Have Careful Attention 


The SMITH BOOT & SHOE CO. 

BIRMINGHAM, ALA. 


2021 Second Avenue 




WE CAN RECOMMEND 
OUR READERS TO 

SIMPSON BROS. 

AS THE MOST 

Popular Clothiers 

IN THE CITY OF 

BIRMINGHAM 


They have one of the finest and best selected stock 
of Clothing and Gents Furnishing Goods in the City. 
Give them a call and you will be convinced for your- 

Self ' SIMPSON BROS. 

One Price Clothiers 13 N. Twentieth Street. 


HAND-MADE SHOES 



Carry with them the 
assurance of superior 
workmanship. That’s 
what it should do. 
I know my goods to be 
the best — my custom- 
ers so consider them. 
I exercise great care 
in buying as well as 
selling in order to 
please all. 

I never wish shoes 
to leave my store un- 
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If you are in need of 
Hand - Sewed or Ma- 
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give me a call and you 
will get perfect satis- 
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and price. 

I wholesale and re- 
tail. Mail orders care- 
fully attended to. I 
carry also a nice line 
of Hosiery and Hand- 
kerchiefs. 

C. H. FRANCIS 








PUBLISHER'S NOTICE 


IN TIME THIS WORK WILL BE SUC- 
CEEDED BY THE AUTHOR’S ABLEST EF- 
FORT, “the PERSECUTOR AND THE 
PERSECUTED 9 OR, LIFE'S INFERNO." 
















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